HELP How do you do this Play Date thing.

[Ruth2808]

I'm quite a shy Mum and it takes me a long time to get to know people. My ds has nearly finished year R and he hasn't had a friend round to play! I feel terrible and feel that I am ruining my childs social life because of me and my insecurities. How do you go about setting up a play date, bearing in mind that I don't know many of the parents.

Firstly, don't worry - you're not ruining your child's social life.

Dd is at the end of Y1 and we've only had friends round a handful of times. She's quite reserved, and also fairly tired at the end of the day.

Ask your ds who he would like to have round, then ask. It's that simple. Just invite them back for a play after school, with or without mum. (I tend to do it without mum) If they can't come, don't take it as personal rejection - they're probably shy themselves, or busy. Try another day or another friend.

Did I mention, don't worry?! HTH.

Basically what PT said!

Ask ds who he would like to come and play, ask the parent and arrange a day. Pick both kids up from school (Mum or Dad may want to come first time). Make sure you swap phone nos. etc.

I have just written some notes for my ds to take into nursery. Term ends tomorrow. I don't know any of the other parents, so the notes say "Dear X, I would really like you to come to my house to play this summer, please phone my mum on xxx to fix a date". Your ds will probably have a few ideas about who to ask, and it will not be personal rejection if one or two people don't manage to get in touch - try again next term!

Ask your child for names of 3 friends he might like to have around to play.
Today and tomorrow when those children come out, follow them to their parents, introduce yourself.
Say your DS wants their child over for a playdate this summer.
Most parents will bite your hand off at the offer (a few will snub you -- their personality deficit, not yours!).
Exchange phone numbers.
Make a goal to phone one of the other parents each week, over the hols, to ask if their child is available.

Decide if you want morning playdates with lunch, or lunch dates with afternoon play, or just afternoon play, etc.

Just grit your teeth and ask yhose who your child identifies as friends. I'm shy too and know that this is not easy to do but you will be surprised at how many other mothers feel the same as you do and are profoundly grateful for the invite!

I don't think you are ruining your child social life, but you are your childs role model and I do think it's good if he sees his mum being a social person. Children pick up more from you them you think and they will copy your behaviour towards others.

About the play dates, just talk to other mums at his schools and ask them to come by with their children sometime. On a young age I don't even think it's important the children get along well, although it would be nice, but children tend to play nicer when there are just 2 then when there in big groups.

Good luck!