Dd1 said a very naughty word, feeling a bit [sad] and a rubish mother

[Marne]

Whilst in the car this morning Dd1 said the N word (racist word)

She has'nt got a clue what it means and i know where she has heard it (from my brother), im so angry with my brother, he's 26 and should know better than to use this word infront of my kids. My brother is'nt a racist but uses the word when talking to his friends on the phone (he's very imature).

Anyway how do i handle dd1 is she say's this word again, i have told her that it is a naughty word etc..

Shes 3.5, i feal like such a rubish mother and i am disapointed that she has heard this nasty word.

Take her into your confidence and be all pally about it with her - the word is foul and your bro is an arse for using it full stop let alone in front of her. Tell her how upsetting a word it is and then she won't do it again, better still she'll probably tell him off next time in that upper handy way dds can have!

My bros who were much younger than me used to say the f-word and I trained my dds to go and get a wooden spoon from the kitchen and whack them on the backside whenever they caught them.

Don't worry!

It is a fact of life and they will hear the words you don't want them to say. My ds said 'that dogs a bugger' (from Grandma...) I din't like it and explained why. He also heard 'bloody' and then started saying that. I think you know you're child and the best approach, my child listens to reason (I know I'm lucky!) and now tells daddy off if he hears 'the naughty word'.

You'd be a rubbish mother if you let her say these words....

Tell her that it is a word that will make people sad and angry and that there are better words to use. What was the context?

My 2 1/2 yo DD1 turned around and said to me one morning "Fucking hell mummy it's raining" she said it a good few times after that. I was devastated neither DP or I swear in front of her, I knew she had been getting it from a toddler group we went to where some of the other mums regularly swore in front of the children. We stopped going and she hasn't said it since.

I made no comment about it or corrected her and said oh dear it's raining. I think if you make too big an issue that it's a naughty word she will keep using it. If she doesn't hear it again chances are she will forget about it.

When one of my friends little brother called his juice a 'bloody drink', he was asked why he had used that word. He said, 'well, it's red'.

Ok i think this is a different kettle of fish to swear words. Its NOT a swear word, its a racially offensive word.

i am pretty relaxed re kids picking up on swear words-they do, even if not from parents, its life and really it doesn't harm anyone-but that is NOT a swear word, it is a racist word with serious associations. It needs to be sorted out, she simply cannot continue to use that word. I'd put "bugger" in the same league, actually.

I'd go for ticky's approach really.

And if your brother is using that word-well how is he NOT racist, really? He's 26-thats not a child, many of us had kids by that age! He must understand something of the meaning of it, and to carry on using it, in light of that, is really to say "oh no, I don't care that I am using a racially offensive term." I can't separate that out from racism in my mind.

But this is not your fault. I do sympathise.

Don't get her to hit people either. Don't see how that helps.

I don't think it's very different from her frame of reference. It's a word she doesn't need to say and she doesn't understand what she is saying in the same way that my girls didn't know what they were saying/ repeating. I can understand the 'don't let her hit people' but this was something we did to show it was unacceptable and it worked for us. Also taught my bros to stop swearing round my dcs!

well i wouldn't teach my kids to hit in any circumstances, but each to their own

its NOT the same. If she swears, its embarassing for YOU. But, fundementally, people will understand. If she uses the n word, there is a serious danger of really offending people. And questions may be asked about where she got that word from.

Swearing is a bit of a faux pas, that I'd much prefer my kids never did, but accept that they probably will. This is a highly offensive word that I will be actively teaching my kids never to use, and will be coming down on them like a ton of bricks if they do (not at 3.5 but older)

That's what I mean really, if one of my dds now (13&10) used any racist word they'd be for it big time but at 3 you can't really explain the difference between swearing and racially unacceptable words.

oh and for the record my dcs have never ever hit anyone again so it didn't start any kind of pattern, it was a light hearted way of showing disapproval - they didn't batter them black & blue!

So what would a ton of bricks look like?

I agree Wisteria, if you get the kids to show the adults in a lighthearted way they they have been naughty then that also teaches the children that it is a bad form of behaviour and to recognise the fact.

thank you

Thankyou all for your advice, she is very bright for her age so i think she now understands that its a nasty word so hopefuly she wont say it again. Im not sticking up for my brother but i think he uses it as a slang word rather than a racist one, he has mixed rece friends and they seem happy to call each other by this word/name.

I will be having a word with my brother as i dont want this word used in my house, i agree that its not a swear word but a racist word.

aww marne, dont beat yourself up about it, its just a part of development, its not your fault hun, if my dd ever comes out with anything she shouldnt i dont make a big deal out of it, i just rhyme the word with an innocent word and repeat that back to her iyswim

dont feel bad! all kids say words they shouldnt at some point of their lives its part of growing up and learning about the world we life in, letting your dc continue with these words would make you a bad mother, just sit down and explain that that word upsets you and can upset other ppl and that it shouldnt be used.