Siblings!!! Arrrgghhh

cleaninglady · 2007-07-07T15:22:02+00:00

Help! I have dd 5 1/2 and ds almost 3. They cannot be alone together for more than a few minutes without ds crying out or shouting at dd because she will be tormenting him , trying to pick him up, taking his toys, teasing him etc So it ends up me telling her off and it must seem like im siding with him on an almost permanent basis which I am because its her causing the problem I have explained he is littler, needs more attention/looking after etc but she keeps now saying that I care more about him than here and now this afternoon after not letting him get off the trampoline has had a chat with me and admitted she doesnt like him and he is a pain. I dont really know what to do as he probably is a pain to her - but she wont leave him alone and I cant get her to understand that she just needs to get on with what she is doing and leave him to his stuff. How will i cope for 6 weeks of summer holidays! they are both fine on their own! any other parents of siblings with ideas would be gratefully received....

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Original poster

cleaninglady · 07/07/2007 16:31

i really should preview

apologies for grammar and punctuation!

OP posts:

Denmark · 07/07/2007 20:44

Hi there, sorry to hear about your problem, but like you proably already heard before YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I have a DD 3 1/2 and a DS who is 2. I believe they have a love/hate relationship, they cannot be without each other, she will ask where he is, if she can wake him up after his nap etc and the other way around. They do play very well together but there are days where especiaaly DD is doing everything she can to take away the things he is playing with, hittihg him etc. I try to give DD "special time" when he is sleeping in the afternoon (they are going to bed at the same time). If there papa is not working I will go for a walk with her which is something she really like, she talks alot and it is a good time to let her now that she is a star.
If my DS wants to sit on my lap she will allways say "no no I sit on maman lap". So I have explained to her that her baby and teddy (she is sleeping with them) have to share her and that baby sometimes is with her and sometimes it is her teddy, but that she loves them both VERY MUCH. And that I feel the same about her and her brother. That has helped her a lot and now they really spend a lot of good time togetner and the are hugging and kissing all the time. Can often hear her screaming "No kissing on the lips on the cheek {grin].

Denmark · 07/07/2007 20:44

Hi there, sorry to hear about your problem, but like you proably already heard before YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I have a DD 3 1/2 and a DS who is 2. I believe they have a love/hate relationship, they cannot be without each other, she will ask where he is, if she can wake him up after his nap etc and the other way around. They do play very well together but there are days where especiaaly DD is doing everything she can to take away the things he is playing with, hittihg him etc. I try to give DD "special time" when he is sleeping in the afternoon (they are going to bed at the same time). If there papa is not working I will go for a walk with her which is something she really like, she talks alot and it is a good time to let her now that she is a star.
If my DS wants to sit on my lap she will allways say "no no I sit on maman lap". So I have explained to her that her baby and teddy (she is sleeping with them) have to share her and that baby sometimes is with her and sometimes it is her teddy, but that she loves them both VERY MUCH. And that I feel the same about her and her brother. That has helped her a lot and now they really spend a lot of good time togetner and the are hugging and kissing all the time. Can often hear her screaming "No kissing on the lips on the cheek .

Original poster

cleaninglady · 08/07/2007 09:22

thanks for that Denmark! It did remind me that I really must make more effort to do quality time with dd when ds is napping as i tend to just appreciate the silence and leave her to a dvd or whatever maybe that would help having to share me with ds the other parts of the day! I am going to look for ideas of things we can all do together which should make things easier

OP posts:

Denmark · 08/07/2007 18:15

My children like simple things like doing puzzles I can help them both, make a big fuss about how CLEVER DD is and that she can show her little brohter how to do it.

We go for LONG walks, looking for cats, butterflyes anything the fancy.

We do watch DVD together, then we all get to relax (which is good for us parents).

I found that the "soft stuff" from ELC etc. is great fun you can get lots of different things. Mine have the cooking stiff so the make waffles, fried egss etc, they can spend up to 2 hours with that. Ofcourse you need to supervise so the little one doesn't eat it. But it is actually great fun even for parents. Just a few ideas

Original poster

cleaninglady · 08/07/2007 19:18

Your a mine of information Denmark thank you! Am going to go shopping for more soft stuff tomorrow - we do have play dough but not that much of it left and all one big ball of some strange colour really so new supplies needed and ds loves his little kitchen so making "food" to go in it will be a great idea! I think I need to make more effort to get involved with the play rather than leaving them to it! and if only the rain would stop we could go outside! we have an enormous garden that I can loose them in for ages but completely water logged at themoment

OP posts:

Denmark · 08/07/2007 19:47

your not the only one who leaves the kids to play on there own. I do when I have to clean, iron etc or just want to read a magazine. But the kids copy a lot. If I sit in a chair or their papa then they will get there own small chair and a magazine... It is relaxing and all you really have to do is ask what is this, what color is this, can you can count how many ..... on this page etc. MAKE IT FUN
Get them to help you with a shopping list, doesn't have to be used in reality. My kids try to mention a many things they can remember and then "write" their own little list. It is just lines on a paper but they spent 1/2 hour on that and they can do it together.
A huge garden - make them run, play hide a seek, kick a ball. Then there is less time to fight. But make sure you give speciel attention to your DD when DS is sleeping. Read a book with her or watch a DVD just as long as your are next to her and talking to her. Make sure you tell her how wonderful and clever she is

Debblob · 17/07/2007 10:34

Hi all, am new to mumsnet and need some help help help. My 2 1/2 yr old boy has been a dream (well almost!!!!) so far but has recently started hitting (with anything he can get his hands on), kicking, sitting on his sis (1 1/2) at every opportunity. We have tried telling off, naughty step, no treats, gentle persuasion and discussion and NOTHING works. Has anyone got ANY advice please. Dad looks after them and is at his wits end......