Good old fashioned smacking

[heepie]

I don't believe it did me any harm and I do wonder why the previous generation, ie mine, was so much better behavied than the current, ie my kids. I find the softly softly, ignore bad reward good behaviour does not work with a strong willed child and find myself more and more thinking what was wrong with a good old smack? Peeing on the floor right in front of you with a big smile on the face surely warrants more than the removal of a star on the reward chart? And whacking little brother over the head with a heavy object? Not eating something very nice and edible that I have slaved over in the kitchen? Why must we never tell our children to eat what is in front of them when I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished? I don't have an eating disorder. I think it's time I through all the modern how to bring up children books out of the window and remember how it was done when I was a child? Anyone else feel this way?

I asked my Father this question recently. I was smacked but can't remember any particular incident or actually remember the smack.

So in my case, I don't suppose it did do me any harm.

UCM - maybe the harm it did is that you didn't have a positive role model of how to deal with misbehaviour in ways other than smacking?

The fact that you were smacked makes you think it is ok to do the same to your own children.

Poor grammar - sorry. Trying to watch Eastenders at the same time .

violance breeds violence i not smack it horrid

Well, I have read the for & against to this so many times.

I agree with smacking. I do it to let my child know not to do whatever they were doing which led to a smack again. It has worked for me.

Now I punish by other methods but would still smack if I felt the wrong deserved it.

He is reaching 4 this summer and I feel that I CAN reason with him more now.

Thats my way of parenting.

And lets clear this up, I have never had depression, an eating disorder, tried to kill myself, cut myself, had counselling or consulted any other Doctor because of troubles with my childhood or any other matter. Perhaps this will come soon as I am 38 now.

Can anyone summarise what the 'smacking never did me any harm' type of smacking - the type a lot of us experienced growing up - what affects it is supposed to have had. Genuine question. Not talking about the beatings that people have described on here from their childhood. But the typical discipline of a 60's/70's and possibly 80's family.

Anger and resentment maybe (towards the parents who smacked)?

I don't know - my parents never smacked me or my brother.

Would be genuinely interested to know what sort of relationship those who were smacked as children now have with their parents.

smacking horrid

Personally I think the 'typical discipline you talk about' bred a culture where some children could be beaten and abused and people could shrug it off as 'normal' smacking.

You can't have levels of smacking, you are either hurting your child or not, and I repeat that the fact that if you feel it had no effect on you does not necessarily mean the same for your child.

'scuse punctuation and grammar...

I've not commented but I've lurked on this and other smacking threads on here.

And I've not read ONE scenario, not one, where the smacker could not have dealt with the issue in another way. It often makes me sad that people don't have help or advice that helps them to deal with things in other ways; often they'll say 'naughty step and taking things away doesn't work' but there are ALWAYS strategies that work.

I think the main thing that works actually is appropriate parental expectations. The need to smack may feel much less, if people actually had a realistic idea of what is normal childlike behaviour - and how it can take TIME for a message to get through to a child. Patience is needed and that is a very hard thing for many people. If you don't expect instant results you can be a lot calmer than if you are trying to instil in the child in one day flat, that they shouldn't pull hair for instance.

I still don't understand it. If you leave a mark you commit a criminal offence so there taps explained to me below... they don't hurt and they don't leave a mark. Why do they shock the child and teach it a lesson and stop it touching hot stoves in future? I still don't understand. It's a light tap then like I might poke my childn on the arm? So how does that work. It seems it's like a non smack so it's completely ineffective. If it hurts then the child reacts but this is one that doesn't hurt? Wow. I don't know that can be. What I think must be the case is it does hurt and leave a mark and is illegal actually.

Good post Honoria.

smacking is a way of inficting pain on your child wat kind of parent does that

HG, true.

By the way anti smackers the Government I think is having another go at banning it even if it doesn't leave a mark - entirely which is the proper position we ought to have so lobby MPs.

Exactly Xenia. What is this tapping?

15th June news 2007: BBC

"New smacking laws to be reviewed
Boy at anti-smacking protest
Campaigners say "reasonable chastisement" should be illegal
Laws under which parents in England and Wales face jail for smacking children so hard they leave a mark are to be reviewed, the government has said.

Children's Minister Beverley Hughes said parents would be asked whether smacking should be banned outright.

Restrictions were toughened in 2004 to stop parents and carers who assaulted children from using "reasonable punishment" as a defence.

But moves to ban any hitting of youngsters outright were rejected.

Public debate

Under the law, which came into force in January 2005, mild smacking is allowed but any punishment which causes visible bruising, grazes, scratches, minor swellings or cuts can face action.

The then children's minister Margaret Hodge promised MPs that the law, which sparked considerable public debate, would be reviewed to see how it was working.

The current minister Ms Hughes said it was clear that violence against a child was illegal.

"Parliament did not go as far as to ban all smacking because it didn't want to see decent parents criminalised.

"We have no reason to believe that the current law needs to be changed. However, in 2004 we made a proper commitment to examine the practical consequences of the changes to the legislation and this consultation is fulfilling that commitment.

"We also said we would be separately seeking parents' views on physical punishment and this will done through a parental survey."

'Meddling'

Children's charity the NSPCC says the law is flawed and has called for a total ban on smacking.

Last month Britain's four child commissioners called for a total ban, insisting there was "no room for compromise" on the issue.

Campaign group 11 Million, headed by England's Children's Commissioner, Al Aynsley-Green, said it recognised that parenting was sometimes a difficult job and there was a need for help in finding positive and effective forms of discipline.

But chief executive Rob Williams said: "Fear and intimidation can never be a positive part of childhood.

"Children are rightly protected from assault in school and other settings.

"It is time for the law to protect them from violence at home where, of all places, they should expect to feel safe and secure."

But shadow children's minister, Tim Loughton, said: "Even though this issue was debated barely three ago, Labour ministers cannot resist meddling in how parents look after their children.

"Bringing up children is a big enough challenge already without opening up this can of worms, which is all about nanny state rather than trusting parents to bring up their children as they see fit." "

I agree about 'tapping'. It's obviously a sop to the parental conscience to give it a different terminology. If something so gentle as a tap is worth doing, why not try other strategies - they might work, too.

someone ask about what sort of relationship one might have with a parent that smacked you!
Well, we were smacked, and my mum and I have a very good and open relationship and have always been close.
My mum would smack us when we were truely naughty and have been winding her up the whole day....!
Of course I didn't like being smacked, especially as sometimes my mum would use a wooden spoon. I mean, it reallly hurt.
But, when I did get smacked I realy usually deserved it, so, I got over it!
My mum was a single mum wiht little support, and I suppsoe things just got to much at times.
Now that I am a mum myself I can completely understand even more how we have driven her to distraction.
I have smacked my es on a few occasions and also have smacked my ms at rare ocasions...and no, not proud of it, and always feel very bad about it....and I really do try to implement anything else I can think off first...but tehre are those moments when a 4 year old can push you so far....and indeed I think when I smack that is the moment I loose control (I mean, not over myself, as in I will beat them...but it's a sign of loosing control over the situation, iykwim), so, certianly not something I aim for really.
I have a vile temper, but must admit, I will not smack in rage, as I know that that is a very rocky road to cross, and I think that is where the line between a smack and childabuse is just to easily crossed.
I don't think smacking works and I also think it completely sends the wrong message....hence me trying really really ahrd to not get myself into a situation where I might loose control.
Not sure if that makes sense at all.
I truely wish that I had more patience, sigh. But honest...smacking is not a daily, weekly or monthly occurance in this household...more like once in a blue moon, and yes, even that is to many times, I know...am working on it, I really do, and am getting better all the time ( I think).
anywya, sorry long, rambly and probably nonsensish drivel.

I suspect that this is another 'Whitehall Policy' to stop people abusing children. After all the govt. have to be seen to be doing something about children who are beaten (beaten, not smacked as I would do).

No it's basic human rights, banned in many countries. If you think you should be allowed to smack your children then your husbands should be allowed to smack you (and I don't mean in the sexual sense).

Message withdrawn

My Mum used to hit us but more my older siblings. She used kitchen utensils until once my sister aged about 12 I think hit her back. My mother got such a shock she never hit her again. The rest of us got hit bit not her.

Sad thing was years later my sister had a very challenging dd and hit her a lot when that didn't work her Dad would hit and when that didn't work he punched her. My Mum witnessed this punching once and was distraught. Seemed selective memory was in play.

3andnomore - I really do understand how difficult it can be. I also can be very impatient sometimes but when I feel myself getting to snapping point I remove myself from the situation. I do admit that I will shout sometimes in these situations ( not proud of doing so) but I would never hit. I don't want my children to suffer as a result of a failing in myself.

drosophila.