DS (3) behaving badly at pre school

[ClareL]

My DS is 3yrs 8mth old and is a feisty little thing - very playful and always has a smile on his face but has always been a bit of a nuisance at pre school. He only goes 3 sessions a week and some weeks he is fine but then every 2 or 3 weeks he will have a session where he will just not do as he is told. He had one of them sessions on Fri and they said he was a bit of a 'pickle' - would not do as he was told, everytime they tried to get him to do something he stamped his feet and said 'no'!.. I can't believe he has absolutely no respect for these people and that he can be so rude. Where does this behaviour come from and why does he do it? Somebody was leaving the nursery this week and they had bought in sweets and gave all the children sweets but didn't give any to him!! He was devastated!! They gave the sweets to me and I put them in my pocket and thought I would have a talk with him outside and tell him why he wasn't allowed them etc. etc. But he went ballistic. What is normally a 2 minute walk home took me 20 with him throwing himself on the floor and kicking and screaming. I could not physically control him - all over a pkt of sweets. I then took him up to the dustbin and told him he'd been so naughty that his sweets were going in the dustbin - and that's where they went. He is leaving the pre school at the end of term and due to start school nursery in Sept. I am absolutely dreading it. The nursery is going to be run by my DD's (7) old reception teacher. She is quite strict - I am hoping that she is not expecting my DS to be anything like my DD. I really don't know what to do next. Any ideas?

Your son sounds very similar to my bf's son, he has just got hearing aids and is a different child. How has your son done on hearing tests? My friends son passed all his done in a quiet doctors office but just couldn't hear distinct instructions in a noisy setting. The play leaders thought he was naughty, my friend couldn't understand why as he (in a 3yo way) did what he was told at home.

The hearing aids have really improved his life.

Good point from Wake Up. I wonder if he's overtired? Mine is similar age and always gets difficult if he's tired. And I can see from his POV how devastating the sweets thing must have been if he was the only one not allowed - you need quite sophisticated reasoning to follow the sequence of events there, reasoning I think few 3oys are capable of.

Agree with Edam on both points, tiredness makes a huge difference to my 3.5 yr old's behaviour, and the sweet thing sounds very upsetting to a young child - and actually quite unfair for him to be the only one not given any. If they'd been given out for good behaviour and he hadn't earnt them, that would be one thing - but for a birthday, its not about behaviour, its about friendship, I'd have thought.

He also sounds just like a normal 3 yr old, tbh, who throws wobblers every now and then - yes, they have to be managed, but normal!

He has had hearing tests and they also monitored his behaviour/concentration levels just after his 3rd birthday. He had started pre school and was biting - pre school were worried so I had a word with the HV and she referred him. He sailed thru the tests - as I was also worried about his speech - but they didn't think to see there was any problem. I never in a million years thought he would do the hearing test - but he did and I was really proud of him. It could be down to tiredness but he sleeps 12 hours every night and never wakes up. He was in such a state last night that I put him to bed at 6.38pm and he was asleep by 6.41. These sort of mood swings really worry me and the fact that he has no respect for the people in the pre school. I can't believe he could be so rude. That's what worries me the most.

I work in a pre-school and most have pretty relaxed schedules so there is a lot of free play. To ask a child to stop playing with say cars to sit and listen to a story quietly can be too difficult. At this time of yar we get a lot of rebels becuase they know they are going to "big school". I would speak with your ds's Nursery Teacher when he starts and sk her to keep you fully involved. It's amazing how many of the pre-school rebels are model pupils in a new environment. A lot of the children I woek with feed into dd's school so I see them regularly and even the most rebellious do cooperate with time.

sorry for the typos

my dd s 3.9 and has no respect at preschool. She often gets in a screaming tantrum usually when its time to pack away or something and will hit the teachers. She doe this at home as well though. Fortunately she doesnt go to school until next Sept. The teachers at preschool are very good and are trying different tactics/strategies to help and some are working but if she is tired its usually worse. She's also very argumentative which then results in a tantrum too. I sympathise greatly with you. If you think your child is generally quite defiant/explosive its worth a read of the Explosive Child (I think its buy Ross Greene) it shows different ways of handling things and is quite good for a differnet prespective. Best of luck!

Thanks for the advice. He starts school nursery in Sept and they do a home visit to meet the children before they start. I will be able to have a really good chat with the nursery teacher about my worries and hopefully she will be able to put my mind at ease. I have never really felt that I could talk to the pre school properly about his behaviour. It's always so busy at pick up/drop off times - and he has more or less been trouble since he started. When he was biting they said that they had never come across this before and it was the very first instance ever. Yet loads of people whose children had attended the pre school had told me that their child had been bitten. I am now hoping that a new more school involved environment will maybe help him mature a little bit. He is still very very young and I'm trying not to expect too much.

the pre-school don't seem to have a clue if you ask me.
saying no child has "ever bitten"
not wanting to talk to you outside pick up/drop off times
not giving him sweets

can you take him out now, have a couple of months at home before he starts school? get him into a good routine/eating well/lots of sleep/physically wear him out etc..
if you work, can you afford to take some family leave (think you are entitled to 18 weeks with children under 5).

He only has 3 more weeks of pre school left and then is leaving to start the School Nursery in Sept. I am hoping that the break away from pre school and then starting the school nursery will make him realise that he has to behave himself a lot more as he will be in a school environment. I have never actually felt that great about the pre school and am glad that it is now coming to an end.

ds is 3. and he acts like this sometimes. my nursery staff and friends have assured me over and over again its normal and they are pushing the boundries more and more to see what they can get away with.

that is horrible someone gave sweets to everyone BUT your son. no wonder he exploded into tears

whenever my son does the whole 'i'm gonna throw myself down, kick, flail and hit' i hold him firmly but the shoulders until he calms down. and eventually, he does. i know this isnt always easy to do with a moving toddler who is exploding with emotions.

i dont have any ideas on what to do unfortunately.

but i dont think your ds is doing anything out of the ordinary for his age (you could maybe have a chat with his GP for reassurance?)

hang in there... and think of it this way, once you are thru this stage, you will be able to advise mn'ers who are going thru it!