2 year old has a big problem with new baby sister's voice

[gordonsmum]

Our 2 year old ds1 always starts crying whenever his new baby sister (2 weeks) makes a peep. She does not even have to cry, just make a very short, faint noise, and he is in tears for minutes and either runs away, hides or clings to me or my husband. We pity him so much, as he seems to be really frightened for some reason. When dd2 cries, it is even worse, and it is very hard to get ds1 to stop crying. We are lucky that dd2 is a very content and quiet baby, but ds1 loud crying sometimes even gets too much for her. There is no problem at all for him to be in the same room as dd2, when she does not say anything, he gets closer and even strokes her hair. We are still giving him as much attention and cuddles as we can, but the situation does not seem to get any better. We do not think that jealousy is a big issue for him. Does anyone have any ideas how we could help ds1? Normal family life is not possible like this. Thanks for any hints!

maybe get him involved in respodning to her, so he feels he can help - rather than being scared of it. sort of "oh, lets help the baby, do you think she wants food/sleep/playing with etc etc"

Might makie him feel like he is sorting the "problem" rather than just reacting to it?

Maybe he associates crying with bad things, because he knows that's when he cries - so is frightened because (a) he thinks the baby is hurt or sad and (b) because he thinks he's going to get the blame for it!

Thank you all for your replies! We have already tried to get him involved in responding to her. The problem is that he does not listen as he often cries too loudly or just closes up (also covers his eyes). WigWamBam, you are probably right - he certainly is a sensitive boy, so he does feel sorry for his baby sister when she cries. But he would not have to fear he gets the blame for it. I guess we just have to keep on trying to calm him down until he is ready to listen. As he gets older, he will understand more of what we say. But until then it is hard going.

Dd did this too - hysterical crying whenever the baby cried, inconsolable. We had to keep explaining that babies cried a lot, got her to role play helping her Baby Annabel to stop crying. It did settle thank God. Now it's "baby crying, baby needs boobie milk" !!

poor boy and poor you, must be stressful! i do think you're right, he is very young and it's going to be a case of you repeatedly telling him (in calm times when she's quiet) that a baby crying is not upset in the same way that he would be if he cried. That it's their way of talking really, as they can't say words.

He sounds like he has alot of empathy, which will only be a good thing for him but it must make this stage difficult. I do think some children are very sensitive to the grating noise that crying makes - my ds used to cover his ears with his hands if he heard a baby crying!

I think just keep telling him over and over till he 'gets' it. I bet it will be sooner than you think.

Thanks, liath, I am very relieved that it is not only us, who have this problem! This gives me hope that it will solve eventually.
Thank you, too, for your encouraging words, HonoriaGlossop! There are not many people, who can imagine how our son must feel like.
Yesterday was a better day, but today unfortunately we are back to the same game. I suppose there will be ups and downs till it settles, and what we need now is patience and a couple of good tricks for distraction.

We've had the same reaction to our baby dd2. Everytime she cries dd1 (who is 2) wails or screams too.
It has got better over the past 6 months but we still have some days when dd1 is very emotional. feels like walking a tightrope sometimes.

Liath and Cktwo, how did you deal with this outside the house? So far we have not been anywhere since our dd2 was born, but I can imagine there will be a lot of people (family, friends and even strangers), who will make comments on it or try to be clever.

We just have to grit our teeath and try to distract the toddler. I box of raisins go everywhere with us now .

I've had to change my routines a little. EG I now do the supermarket shop on an evening when they are both in bed. I don't tend to go anywhere when i know the toddler will be getting tired. I also find that people with one child have no comprehension of how difficult it is to appease two young children. I've walked out of baby abd toddler group in tears because they've both been crying and no-one asked me if they could help. I've been going there months and I was fuming

Its strange though, but the only place where we haven't had a problem is in the bath. For some reason toddler enjoys the company in there and no the baby can sit up they both play together. Wierd.