Tantrums and behaviour

[Kmac2305]

I am looking for somebody in the st helens Merseyside area who helps with toddler tantrums and behaviour. We have tried everything but it is controlling our lives at the minute and the health visitors in our area aren’t very helpful

Thanks

Sorry to hear you’re struggling. Do you want to give us a bit more information on what’s happening and what you do to see if we can offer any suggestions?

I have 3 children but my 2 year old is controlling the house. He screams, paddies, hits, clings etc you name it and he does it but when he is good he is brilliant. I know it’s nothing serious as when he is with the childminder or my parents he is good as gold. When we go out he screams in the carseat and all the time we’re out he is just very controlling and wants his own way. I have ignored him, tried to distract him, tried to reason with him literally all the techniques that the books tell you too but he is so hard work and nothing works. He is quite advanced he can talk and follow instructions but when he wants too. It’s the fact that we can’t go out anywhere or do anything that is getting to me and i can’t move without him being attached to me. He is the same with my husband too but not as bad. I praise good behaviour and he is full of love from all of us.

That does sound quite intense. Are you getting any time to yourself at all or any time with just you and DH?

How’s his sleep? Does he still nap?

I was in similar situation for a year and half DS coming up for 4 in few months prior to this he was in a nursery full time from 9 months as me and my partner worked, at weekends when we went out it was horrendous exact way your describing it, I was ready for breaking down, but last August just after he turned 2, I decided to take him out nursery and go part time and with doing that he changed completely as he was getting more attention from both parents as his dad had him the two days I worked, he’s now in preschool and he’s adjusted well and don’t have it as bad anymore just slight mood swing if tired, it’s hard to tell why your little one is that bad, but for us it was he just needed more daytime with us as his parents to get used to going out places with us on a daily basis without meltdowns, I know it is so hard as a working full time parent, but it nearly broke us, that’s why I went part time

I only work 5 hrs per day only 4 days per week and i have every Thursday off with him. He goes to a childminder on mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays 8.30-1.30 and we did this because before he was even worse. I can cope with paddies for his own way it’s just when he hits and screams and their is no consoling him but like i said when he is with others he doesn’t behave this way. He gets more attention than my other 2 as they’re 6 and 11 but this doesn’t seem to be the reason. I hope he grows out of it and becomes more indepenant. He is just awkward. For example if his Dad his putting his shoes on because i am busy he will scream and hit him because he wants me to do it, if i pick him up if we’re out and he wants his Dad too he screams and people just look at us as if we’re kidnapping him it’s embarressing. He has been a difficult baby from birth, he had colic and reflux, he fed every 3hrs day and night and he won’t sleep in his own room so still in with us. I’ve tried getting him in his own room but he screams until he is sick for hours and hours and ny other 2 have School the next day.

Me and my husband never get time together - if we touch each other he hits us and cries. My husband had an affair because of the life we have i just really need some advice on what to do cause we can’t go on like this. Do i discipline more even though he is only 2 or do i show him more affection?

I know you’ve said he’s been difficult since birth, can I ask how the birth was? Was it traumatic at all?

It’s interesting that you say he had colic and reflux. Did they ever say what was causing it? Have a read of this on CMPA. Quite often this can be the cause of reflux and if he has it, it could well be the cause of his behaviour. I have CMPA and I behave badly if I’m having a reaction, and I’m an adult

My husband had an affair because of the life we have you might want to post in the relationship section about this. I can’t imagine how incredibly hard it must be for you after that blow and it must affect how you all deal with one another

To be honest though, he sounds like many other toddlers. My DD was an angel at that age, UTI only if she was getting her own wat, shecwas bloody murder otherwise. There’s some tips for dealing with tantrums on askdrsears.com here and try the book Calm Parents, Happy Kids.

UTI should say but. Bloody UTIs, always popping up when you least expect them.

There is certainly something going on, as while all two year olds can be demanding and prone to tantrums/screams, they don't usually last long and can be easily redirected, your description sounds quiet extreme.

How was his development so far? how was his non verbal communication before he could talk? was he pointing to request and share interests by 18 months? is he pretend playing with his toys? and playing with his toys in a appropriate manner?

Hi

He has always has issues with seperation and plays for 10min max then comes back to sit with us then goes off again, but at the childminders he used to watch the others but now he does play. He has a poor appetite too he is a really fussy eater although over the last few days i’ve been watching him and he will do things when he wants not when he is told to. If we ignore him when he is in a tantrum it lasts the same time but he comes out of it better. We are just exhausted with him it has been the whole 2 years of his life and he isn’t getting any easier. When he is good he is brilliant and funny and he is so loving we just feel guilty for wishing his life away to get over this stage

Separation anxiety is a good thing at this age, it's a milestone and it's a positive in terms of development. Was he pointing to request and share interests by 18 months?

Yep