routine...what's one of them!!!!!

[dirtymonkey]

As the title thread says really our 22 week old has no routine for anything. I know this is my fault completly but I had hoped she would find her own (can you tell she's our first).
She is still BF excl still on demand which can vary wildly 90mins to over 3 & half hours.
Day to day naps and bedtimes vary with no pattern she won't sleep for longer than 45 min alone (on someone's lap she'll sleep for hours).
We co-sleep, she is in a bedside cot to start with but always ends up in our bed! don't find nights to bad but even they have no pattern sometimes she'll wake lots of times just for a cuddle or a little feed (never feels like a full daytime feed does) other nights it's only twice.
After all this rambling think all I want to hear need to hear is we've not done anything too wrong!! or if wehave it's not too late to fix it! TIA

its never too late to introduce a routine but it just gets harder.

At 6 months my boys were doing the following. Wake at 7pm drink milk
have breakfast 8-8:30
then have morning nap at 9-9:30 (for 30-45min).
11am have milk then followed by lunch (I'm assuming shes being weaned?)
lunch time nap from 12:30-2:30 (2hrs)
milk when she wakes up
deffo no sleeping after 5pm if all the naptimes go terribly wrong
5pm is tea time
6pm is bathtime
6;30 milk time
7pm bed
10:30-11pm dream feed - not actually waking her up but giving milk) but the more solids she takes this will be drecreased
7am start it all again.

hth
xx

Hi Dm

My DS wasn't a great sleeper at first. He needed to be with someone (in those early months he slept on DH chest... def not in the manual!

I found he slept better with a combo on a sleeping bag, a dummy, ablankie and a nice new cotbed. That combo for every nap and bedtime.

I know lots of kids with no routine. It works for some. Just go with what you're happy with.

Thank you we are happy generally until some comments on the fact that she won't sleep alone for very long (everyone else espically those who seems to want to give us advice their LO's slept through from the first night home if they are to be believed). DDis still Bf excl everyone seems to thinks this is where we are going wrong and she will always be latched on!! am trying to hold off weaning for a few more weeks as dd has eczema again have been given lots of helpful "advice" along the lines of bf is making it worse even causing it!
Think I should have posted in AIBU sorry!!

HI I agree with Kwokka apart from we didn;t need the dream feed.
How we got our ds in his routine;

1. We didn't feed on demand from about 6 weeks. (He was 9lb 1oz when he was born so he did have a big tummy!) When he was feeding every 3 hrs we stretched it to 3 1/4, then 3 1/2, then 4 by walking him around and not feeding him. (I realise this sounds awful but it can be done in ten min blocks or less) He then settled very quickly into 4 hour feeds.
2. ONce he was weening we gave him 'bulk' before bed -rice pudding, baby rice etc - in roder to fill his tummy with slow releasing food.
3. If he woke in the night we never turned the light on just gave him back his dummy/put the covers on told him 'It's still night time go back to sleep' each time. Dh and I did the SAME thing each time. That's really important.

Btw he still loves his routine especially at bedtime, bath/storymakers/story in bed with story reading cushions/milksake/lights out etc. He actually gets cross if we miss a step out!!

I do agree with mozzybear
not all children find or will like a routine but if YOU are happy with this then that's all that matters. Our favourite saying is 'whatever gets you through the day!'
I wasn't happy with having no routine not ds1, I'm a bit of a control freak and didn't like the out of control feeling. The routine did help my son but most importantly it helped me cope -don;t forget, You are very important too!!

Hi dirtymonkey,
Re the sleeping alone thing - my ds always slept on me during the day (but only for 30 mins at a time!)as he wouldn't sleep in his cot and we co-sleep at night. Then just suddenly around his first birthday I found I could put him in his cot for daytime naps and he slept fine.
If you're happy then I wouldn't worry and a routine will prob happen eventually.

Dirtymonkey AFAIK the whole point of BF on demand is that you don't impose a routine, they eat what they need, and I don't see any problem with this. Sometimes my DS can go 3-4 hours between feeds, sometimes he needs one after 90 mins especially if it's a hot day and he's thirsty (would you want to wait 4 hours for a drink?).

We don't have set nap times as such but DS needs to sleep 90 mins after last waking, so we go by that. The only thing we have stuck to for a few weeks now is no naps after 5, then bath & bed at 7. This is in the hope that a good bedtime routine will help him realise it's night and time to sleep (he does settle v well, although wakes many times a night at the moment, but that's another story).

It sounds like you are doing fine, and going by your DD's needs, which is great, so don't feel you HAVE to do things at a set time. As long as you are all happy that's the main thing.

Also my LO will nap for ages on me but only 30-40 mins in cot or pram, however a few weeks ago I decided I'd rather have a bit of baby-free time during the day so he doesn't sleep on me any more (apart from v occasionally if he drops off during a feed). He is getting too big for it anyway!

I am hoping that one day he will start sleeping longer stretches in the cot, well you never know.