How to handle Seven/Eight year old girls - I'm running out of ideas

[Sparkler]

DD1 will be 8 on Sunday. For some time now DH and I are having real problems with her. She is moody, grumpy, won't do anything we ask her to. She shouts at us and tells us we are mean and horrible and how she is fed up with us bossing her around. She has been very tearful recently also. Her confidence seems to have lessened as well. Sometimes she tells us we don't love her and she doesn't care if we don't let her do XYZ if she doesn't behave. We've noticed her complaining about everything too - "I have a bad leg, I have stomach ache, my eye hurts". These have been a few of this weeks complaints.
DH and I have done our utmost since she was born to love her, hug her and tell her how beautiful she is and how pleased we are with how she does things.
Everything at school seems fine as far as we can tell. She goes to school everyday without any problem and always seems happy to see her friends when we get there. She was worried about Maths being difficult but I spoke to the teacher and things seem to be okay on that front now.
We have tried everything we can think of to handle situations. We've tried asking nicely, not so nicely, we've tried taking her favourite things away (ie not going to Brownie's) and none of this makes any difference.
Just wondered if this is a normal behavour thing for a child of this age or if we have something to worry about.
DH and I are feeling after yet another night of putting DD to bed on a sad note.

My dd can be in a dreadful mood one minute - if I give her a good meal (ie with loads of veg etc) and a big glass of water she can be a different child afterwards.

Fortunately she will eat anything I put in front of her and even gets excited if its sprouts and runner beans - but I also make sure she drinks plenty of water because she'll bring her water bottle home from school and it'll still be full up from the morning.

As far as not going to sleep in the evenings are concerned - I have the same problem with my eldest dd - mainly due to the light evenings and kids playing outside but towards the end of the week she's so tired she asks to go to bed!

that sounds familiar barney, esp the water she has about 2 pints between coming home from school until going to bed. By bedtime she's an angel

I've asked her teacher to try and make sure she drinks but it's like talking to a brick wall - being one of 30 kids I don't suppose it's possible.

My last words to her every morning before she goes in the school gates is 'drink your water' and when she reappears at those gates at kicking out time I can tell she's not had anything to drink - bags under the eyes, looks shattered etc etc....

I tend to take a fresh bottle with me and she'll drink it whilst walking home - it's not as if she doesn't have the chance to drink because her school bottle sits on her desk all day!

I just make sure she eats well, drinks well, she has vitamins every morning, gets as much sleep as possible and hopefully she'll behave. Having said that I dread to think what she'd be like if she didn't drink, ate rubbish & had no sleep routine...I expect I'd have packed my bags!

I have a 9yr old dd who is the same as so many described here. In a previous thread alonf similar lines someone (might have been MarsLady) said it was best just to treat the strops/dramas as if they were a tantrum of a toddler. Ie ignore it, don't feed the attention monster, and reward the good behaviour.
Totally agree with the worse when tired and or hungry opinions, and have also found that massage works, like 3littlefrogs.

But it is soo hard sometimes, and I find ds's (4 yrs) 'in yer face' version of tantrums so much easier to handle. The flouncing/dramas/sullenness/sarky comments really get under my skin and sometimes I react to it in ways that I shouldn't. I suspect that there are times when both our hormones are a bad mix!

One thing that is striking me more and more though is how much she is a mix of little girl/young woman, and I probably don't cater for the young woman enough. So I am trying to do more of the grown up stuff with her, and I like the suggestion of 'pedicures' - she hates her toenails being cut.

Beyond that I just keep repeating under my breath the wise words from Grandma - 'it's only a phase, it's only a phase....'

My dds only seem to fall asleep fairly easily if they've had a bedtime story!! This may sound wierd as they are 9 but being (probably) dyslexic, material they could read to themselves isn't always thought provoking enough to give them something to sleep on!
I do realise most people's kids would probably laugh at the suggestion though, as when they told someone at school that i still read to them, they got the mick taken.

I think reading to a 9yr old is perfectly normal - there are kids much younger than that who are put to bed with the tv/video on! I have to admit I don't read to my 9yr old dd because her books are enough to send me off to sleep but give me books for my 3yr old dd and they're much more fun!

Oooh...i dunno...we're reading Harry Potter at the moment, and The Edge Chronicles are really good. We just finished one called Larklight - i guess it helps if they're into the same type of books as you are. Does yours read the modern equivalent of 'the Babysitters Club' or something...one of my dds reads the Fairy books which are a bit dire

The fairy books are an absolute no-no when it comes to me reading books to them! I know they are pretty little books with their glittery covers but I'm sorry....they are soooo boring for adults!

She reads alot of Babysitters Club, Jacqueline Wilson etc etc....

BUT give me the Hungry Caterpillar, Postman Pat, Bob the Builder any day....!

My dd was playing up yesterday (she's 7 next week) and threw a tantrum after I refused her a) crisps for breakfast b) bread with cream.

I told her she could have cereal, yoghurt or toast or go to school hungry and proceeded to eat 4 pieces of toast myself ignoring her. A few minutes later she came and asked me to make her some toast which she ate.

Cruel maybe but it worked this time. As much as I hate the idea of actually packing her off to school on an empty tum .

My DD is ALWAYS claiming she is hungry. "Iiiii'm huuuuungry!" Most of the time I just don't believe her as it is barely half an hour since she last ate.

My dd even differentiates between 'nice hungry' and plain 'hungry' or 'healthy' and 'unhealthy' food when she asks for food.

Guess which she goes for most of the time .

I've sent my kids to bed without their tea before now...cruel as that may seem but I'm sorry, I cook their teas and if they don't eat it they go without and I do not give in....otherwise we'll have the same scenario every evening...needless to say they are ravenous in the morning!!

so nice to hear others in the same situation, my dd1 aged 7 1/2 has reduced me to tears everyday for the last month , she is rude, disrespectful, mean to her little sister, and generally wants the world to revolve around her, i have tried everything, and frankly i cannot stand another minute, i am seriously considering sending her to board at her school just so we can all have a rest from it

its interesting about giving them plenty of water to drink, will have to try that.

mummydoc, know exactly how you feel, i wrote a post out to put on here, but am going to put it in another topic, because i don't feel like i can cope and need some advice

I do strongly feel it is an 'age' thing - they are clever little individuals at around the age of 7-8yrs. They have gained loads of confidence at school and are testing their boundaries at home. They have to be good at school, do as they are told etc etc and I think they like to let off steam when they get home and push us parents to our limit.

I think my 9yr old dd is coming out the other end of it now - I have so many chats with her and told her that unless she bucks her ideas up she is out of this house - I explain to her that she simply 'lives' here - and that she is lucky to do so.

Kids can be cruel, disrespectful, horrible and generally a pain in the arse. I refuse to let my dd's get to me although they obviously have in the past. I try to walk away and, as I've said before, go and count to ten in another room. If you let your kids see they get to you and wind you up they will do it all the more.

Food and fluids plays a major part in a child's behaviour. I'm certain processed foods contribute towards this. Burger Kings, McDonalds, KFC are so full of additives they can send a kid up the wall along with fizzy drinks etc. I think the same applies, to a certain degree, to chicken nuggets, smiley faces, waffles etc - remember the Jamie Oliver school dinners programmes? He fed a group of kids on the usual chicken nuggets meal for lunch and a group on good quality home cooked food - the difference to each group during the afternoon was amazing - the chicken nuggets group couldn't concentrate/remain alert - the others were fine.

Drinking water/fluids is a must - most kids spend 6hrs per day in a stuffy poorly ventilated classroom with a lot of other kids - they can easily dehydrate and, for example, forgets to drink because she's 'too busy'. Give them loads to drink and they pick up. I force my dd to drink her water immediately after school if she's not drunk it during the day.

Agree about the the food/fluids. DDs do eat well and in fact they don't like processed foods/junk take aways (i've brainwashed them, I think!). I read something recently about the whole food/behaviour thing and the conclusion was that unless a decent amount of fluid (preferably water) is drank the food isn't absorbed proporly and therefore the food and nutrients don't really have the full desired effect.