How to handle Seven/Eight year old girls - I'm running out of ideas

[Sparkler]

DD1 will be 8 on Sunday. For some time now DH and I are having real problems with her. She is moody, grumpy, won't do anything we ask her to. She shouts at us and tells us we are mean and horrible and how she is fed up with us bossing her around. She has been very tearful recently also. Her confidence seems to have lessened as well. Sometimes she tells us we don't love her and she doesn't care if we don't let her do XYZ if she doesn't behave. We've noticed her complaining about everything too - "I have a bad leg, I have stomach ache, my eye hurts". These have been a few of this weeks complaints.
DH and I have done our utmost since she was born to love her, hug her and tell her how beautiful she is and how pleased we are with how she does things.
Everything at school seems fine as far as we can tell. She goes to school everyday without any problem and always seems happy to see her friends when we get there. She was worried about Maths being difficult but I spoke to the teacher and things seem to be okay on that front now.
We have tried everything we can think of to handle situations. We've tried asking nicely, not so nicely, we've tried taking her favourite things away (ie not going to Brownie's) and none of this makes any difference.
Just wondered if this is a normal behavour thing for a child of this age or if we have something to worry about.
DH and I are feeling after yet another night of putting DD to bed on a sad note.

My dd is almost 9. I have exactly the same problem with her. I put it down to hormones - they are of an age where they are developing so much and hormones are racing around their little bodies. I've been told that once girls hit the age of 7 they start to develop within themselves - I don't mean just physically but mentally too.

We have had a lot of tantrums just recently with dd1 - simply because she can't get her own way and I have just learnt to ignore them as best I can - the last one was in the back garden and I even had both sets of neighbours putting their heads over the fences to ask if everything was ok?!!

School is ok with dd but I do think they push them quite hard and expect quite a lot from them - certainly more than when we were at school.

There is no straightforward easy answer. I just ensure that dd gets plenty of sleep, lots of good nutritious food and the understanding that she can come and talk to me about anything. But she is also made aware that should she misbehave, throw a wobbler etc she will have something taken away from her - depravation works well - I've been known to cancel her going to a party or cancel a friend coming over for tea...cruel I know but it works, occasionally!

barney2 - your dd sounds like mine. I did wonder if it was hormones or not but then thought I don't recall being like that when I was 7!
DD hasn't even left primary school yet (starts middle school in September) and I feel so that she is so moody at such a young age. Guess I thought it was the teenage years when this sort of stuff began.
Damn, it's hard though.

It is hard.
I find it effective to try to let her know that I empathise with her feelings rather than dismissing them with a 'Don't be silly' or 'Life's unfair' comment.
I try to say 'OOhhh that must be hard to deal with' or 'You must be really fed up about not being chosen' etc.
Then I try to tell her about things that haoppened to me that might be similar to her experiences- falling out with friends, losing the netball game or whatever.
Lots of fun, REALLY challenging things seem to ease the moods as well. She was on top of the world after going on Dragon's Fury at Chessington for example and the effects of a fab birthday party of a friend with water flumes is still keeping her on a high this week (she is no water baby)
They really want to push the boundaries!
Stick her on a rollercoaster!

Each time a I read another response to this thread I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.
I know exactly where you are coming from about the dramatic and emotional responses to everything.
After tea the other night DD got down from the table and went to walk away. I asked her if she could please take her plate to the kitchen. This pleasant and carefully asked question by me was followed by DD's response of......
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhh why do I have to do everything around here? You are always bossing me around!" DD stomping back into room, huffing and picking up plate followed by a crash in the kitchen of her putting plate down.
Meanwhile, I'm sat with expression on face asking DH what had I done?

LOL!!!

could she not have a diary to release her anger and rantings..one that s private!!

No suggestions to add, but I'm in the same boat. dd1 is dripping with scarcasm (sp?)

I'm having huge problems with my 7 year old son, so it's not just a girl thing!

No advice I'm afraid, but lots of sympathy!

Mine is 8 and I've found that unless she does LOADS of exercise she is foul. She's suddenly developed a need for masses of physical activity. It seems to keep her mentally balanced. I don't know what your dd is like, but it might help - take her out of her head a bit.
Also, they are knackered right now because it's the summer and very busy and year 3 is a big leap from year 2.

My dd aged 7 is exactly the same also, early teenage hormones? hopefully by the time they hit teenage years, they will all be have grown out of it!

sounds exactly like my dd1 - she hates me, i'm the worst mum in the world etc etc...
Then half an hour later, i have to lie with her in bed till she goes to sleep !

Yep, another one here. You most certainly aren't alone and it does appear to be quite normal

We have a seven and a half year old drama queen.

Knackering though it is, we don't let her scream, be abusive, stamp off - we pick her up every and I mean every time she does it, particularly as we have dd2 who is 3 and is starting to pick up her behaviour. "That's not FAIR mummy!
If she's rude to me, DH tells her off. If she's rude to DH , I tell her off.

Sometimes she expresses self-loathing "I'm horrible, you don't love me, you don't want me here", not very often but it's a killer when she does it and it's usually late at night when she is beyond tired, IYKWIM. We are as positive as we can be but if it's late try to let her sleep it off, always show as well as tell her how much we love her.
Sometimes it's hard not to play down the "pains", leg, head, tummy, toes, hair!, but we try to get her to assess them on a scale of one to ten. Tricky because you can't really not believe a child when they say they're ill, just in case.
So, sympathy, empathy and for us this feels temporary.

This sounds a bit like my dd however she'll only be 6 in August so even younger. It's not her behaviour but the way she speaks - tone, words used etc that gets me. I've even banned her from watching tracy beaker in the hope that it was her influence.

cardy, mine started at about 4!

Yep Tracey Beaker is banned in this house too. Whilst I know dd1 absolutely loves that programme I'm sure it doesn't help her and when she does have her strops both my dh and I have commented that she resembles a smaller version of Miss Beaker.

When I get the 'I hate you Mum, I hate you Dad, I hate you little sister' we just ignore her. When we ask her to do something, and she doesn't do it or shouts back we tell her to sit on the stairs - I don't send her to her room because it doesn't have the same effect.

When she does apologise for whatever she's done wrong/said etc I remind her that she is a very lucky girl. I tell her that there are kids out there who live in cardboard boxes, who live in sewers, who don't have parents, who don't have a cooked meal every day etc etc. There have even been times when she has driven me completely nuts with her behaviour that I have pulled out an empty suitcase, given it to her and told her to put her things in and pretended to ring for the Police to take her away....it does work, honest!!!

It's hard sometimes though because the one thing I ask of my kids is 'respect' - sometimes her behaviour can be so bad it feels like a slap in the face. I get so extremely cross because I feel like I've just devoted the last 9yrs of my life to her and she's just thrown it back at me.

My dd is just 6 and some of these stories are sooo familiar. Just nice to know we are not alone

My dds are 9 and they have been like it for a couple of years...but they are Definately going thru physical changes now too, so it really is starting earlier nowadays. Evolution showing itself in ours kids huh!?
Anyway...had dd3 in december and they are so besotted with her that they have turned all helpful and nice again. Well, sometimes.

Having read these I really do feel for you. It must be heart-breaking to hear someone you love so much talking this way
I just wonder why this is happening though. I'm sure we didn't do it as kids and I'm certain our parents didn't
What causes it?
I don't need an answer it's just an on line rambling!!
Love to you all and I hope things get better soon
x

Thanks for your comments and suggestions everyone. You've all made me feel heaps better. Am off to bed now. Shall make sure I stop off and tuck DD in and give her a kiss before I turn in. She looks like an angel when she's asleep.

Could she be reacting to the impending change of school?

DS1 (7.5) is moving schools in Sept, and it seems that the kids at school are talking about it, and some of the ones with older siblings are telling stories about what it's like etc (some good, some bad) and I think it's making some children unsettled?

We're having a lot of this sort of stuff from DS1 at the moment too, and we get a lot of "I'm not a baby!" responses. We also have DS2 (5) and I think DS1 is beginning to feel the sense of 'growing up' and wanting to be more independant?

I have an 8yr mini Beaker as well! ditto everything said about her actions and behaviour. I try to be consistent, give empathy be patient and lighten her mood remind her firmly not to answer back.

Then I escalate to discussing her bedtime getting earlier (currently 7.45pm) by 10 minutes if she can't keep her tongue in check, this is usually a point of contention, following by the wearing of her brace, her wanting extra reading time and finally when all eldest child privileges have been removed, she sheds few tears, had a good cuddle - which she wouldn't let herself have earlier when I was the enemy - ten minutes 'girls' time and she goes to bed happy and content.

The Aftermath
I'm exhausted and need a large wine, realise it's gone 8.00pm and I haven't yet eaten, the phone gets switched off and I have a renewed determination to 'have some sort of evening' before slinking off to be exhausted.

• revenge is best served cold :-) I will remind her of this when she's got an identikit 8yr old.... just as my mother reminds me!

I've just learnt over the years not to give either of my dd's any attention, whatsoever, for bad behaviour - after all that's why they play up...and just give plenty of praise for good behaviour.

I know this is easier said than done because when I've had a hard day and I'm tired I can so easily snap and shout at them which is precisely what they want me to do. I've gone into another room and counted to ten before now in order to calm myself down - it does work but I can be to-ing and fro-ing from that room all day sometimes!

And we've got 6wks of school holidays around the corner....god help me!

Not much advice, but big sympathies. I have a 6 year old DD who is behaving like this and it is very very wearing. I do sometimes look at her and think what has been the point? Why are we skint, knackered and weary for this abusive bundle of stroppiness? Then she does something lovely and I realise why.