21mo dd pushes and shoves other children/babies and our new baby due in weeks

[boompi]

My 21mo dd gets upset when other children come to play at ours and pushes/shoves them (has bitten once) when they touch her toys. I know this is probably quite normal behaviour but none of the other children I know are like this. Nursery say she can have 'off days' when she is like this and she herself has been bitten twice in the past month (but not bitten others)

Today a friend with a 6mo visited and dd hit him, shoved him and pulled his arm. He was just lying on the floor being smilely. Our second baby is due in a matter of weeks and am panicing that dd will be even worse with her own sibling.

Any practical advice or pointers on good books on sibling rivalry?

I dont want other Mums to avoid bringing their children to play with dd and am terrified she will seriously hurt our baby boy.

Help..

boompi, sorry I don't have any real practical advice for you but my 16mo ds does exactly the same thing atm. He's fine when we're out or at somebody else's but not when they're at ours.

I think it is normal to go through this and they're a bit territorial. All I'm doing at the minute is taking him away and saying 'no' but I don't think they really start to understand about sharing and stuff until they're about 2.

Not much help I know but I didn't want your post to go unanswered!

Psychobabble - what did you do/say when ds was aggessive towards your dd?

Some books say pay attention to victim and scold pusher/biter but dont cause lots of fuss ie giving attention (albeit negative)for bad behaviour. Problem is I would imagine in the case of a toddler/new baby situation this could make the jealousy worse?

boompi, I only have one so will leave the advice on how to cope with the new sibling situation to the experts - but I just wanted to say, please don't worry this is such normal behaviour; and I'm sure people won't avoid coming to play.

The only person I ever avoided had a really dreadfully behaved child but even then the only reason I avoided her was because she never made any actual attempt to DO anything, would wander of and have a cup of tea and leave the rest of us with the fallout! I think so long as other mums see you deal with your dd by saying no and trying to get her diverted on to something else, they will know you are doing all you can.

And even though you say none of the other children you know are like this, I bet they ALL have their days. The other mums will know what you're gong through.

Thanks Psychobabble/HG and Pudding.I will try remember all this!