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Original poster

I am really struggling with DS1's behaviour

76 replies

Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 13:18

I recently moved into a new place on my own with my two boys & I expected some behaviour problems with my boys as it is obviously a really big change & a very stressful time for them.

DS1 started behaved really badly from day 1 (as expected), but a month on it is getting no better, despite trying positive things like smiley charts etc.

Everything is a struggle (he is also being assessed for possible special needs), even simple things like asking him to get his shoes on is a challange.

He is answering back constantly, being rude, not doing as he is told & basically challanging me to the max.

This morning I started a new smiley chart with him, but it made no difference to his behaviour & he told me he would scribble all over it.

The second his father turns up to collect him, he turns into a different child.

I am feeling so low & so drained now. I am finding it so hard coping with it all on my own & just don't know how to make things better.

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 13/06/2007 14:42

Ah yes, very familiar. Mine can't even WAKE up, he's incredibly tired and stroppy most mornings, just shouts at us all. Actually, I think that's why I have the checklist, so I can say 'look at your list ds2' and get out the room as fast as I can.

FWIW, mine also pushing all boundaries and limits and general cheekiness. DS1 was the same, is ALSO an age thing I think.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 14:43

The letters have been sent off to the OT, speech therapist & child psych, who will be involved in DS's assessment process & I have been told that all should be complete when I next see pead in 5 mths time. I guess it is just a waiting game now.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 14:45

DS1 doesn't wake up easily either! He is very lathargic throughout the day too.

Think some of the rudeness could well be partly due to his age & trying to copy his peers.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 14:46

The checklist sounds like a good idea!

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ahundredtimes · 13/06/2007 14:47

Yes, and probably tiredness from trying to keep up with his peers all day too - though why this doesn't translate into going to sleep at night, I don't know.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 14:49

I am with you totally there! Since sharing a bedroom, my boys seem to think bedtime is party time, which is another battle we're having right now...but that is another thread!!

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ahundredtimes · 13/06/2007 14:50

Good luck Pink. Try the list, at least it gives you something else to say in the morning, and try and have a chat tonight - before their party starts. . . .

foxinsocks · 13/06/2007 14:53

this is one of the downsides of room sharing isn't it! I have dd in yr2 and she is v tired atm - I think they've all just done SATS and are a bit fed up with school and everything.

Have you tried separating them just to get them to go to sleep?

Tonight, dd is sleeping in our bed till we go up (then I'll move her back) to avoid the hours of pissing about that they normally get up to.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 15:36

Tonight their father is in charge of bedtime because I have to attend a new parents meeting at the school for DS2, so the party is all his!
Will talk to DS1 on his own as soon as I get a chance though.

I ended up separating them last night because I had had enough, and DS2 was put in my bed until he went to sleep.

I am just getting so exhausted with it all!

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foxinsocks · 13/06/2007 18:17

it is a PITA. I find separating works wonders because they don't like it so 'behave' at bedtime for a bit afterwards (and then they start playing up again ).

Was it you saying you had issues with his handwriting? We have the same problem with dd (whose writing is v similar to her reception aged brother) - she also has v poor fine motor skills (things like buttons or eating with a knife and fork she finds v hard). I do think all those things (like trouble putting shoes on, poor handwriting) are often connected.

I really hope you have some joy with all the assessment stuff.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 20:18

Yes my DS has awful trouble with his handwriting, which is still very large & untidy with capitals in the middle of words etc. Doing homework with him is painful because of this, yet his reading skills are very good. He is one box away from being on junior level reading books, yet his writing is like a 4 year olds.
He also has trouble with dressing himself (buttons, zips, getting clothing back to front/inside out!) & will often eat with his fingers rather than use his knife & fork as he should.

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foxinsocks · 13/06/2007 20:18

yes, dd exactly the same (and her reading is excellent too). We have been sent a pack home from school with little exercises to do to try and improve her writing (if only we could get her to do the exercises )

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 20:21

I was given an exercise sheet too, but DS wasn't keen!

How old is your DD? Has school raised any concern?

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foxinsocks · 13/06/2007 20:26

she's in year 2, will be 7 in August.

They have always said that writing was her bete noire and have been very reluctant to push her because they felt she was the sort of child that would totally rebel against any sort of pressure (and it would backfire - they're right about that).

She hardly wrote anything till year 2 and there has been a massive improvement - she just doesn't enjoy it, can't see the point. If they get them to write about something they did at the weekend, everyone else will write loads and she will write 'I went out' and be perfectly pleased with her effort.

I've told the school that we will make an effort in the summer holidays - I THINK, but I'm not sure, that in yr 3 they have to write with pencil until their handwriting is at a certain standard and I know she will hate it when everyone else is writing in pen and she isn't so I'm hoping this will prove the incentive to do the exercises.

foxinsocks · 13/06/2007 20:28

also, tbh, having her brother in reception who actually enjoys making a writing effort will probably spur her on too. She does have poor fine motor skills though but I do think they have improved, even over the last few months.

What about your boy?

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 20:33

My DS (also year 2) came home with a slip of paper that they were all meant to write down their homework on, and had managed one word, which probably took some time & took up half the slip of paper. It was scribed on the reverse side by his teacher because DS obviously just couldn't manage it.

I know they allowed him to do one of his SAT tasks on a laptop.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 20:34

See, I'm seeing very little improvement with DS's fine motor skills & I'm very concerned at the thought of him going up to KS2 soon.

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foxinsocks · 13/06/2007 20:37

ahh I see. We saw absolutely no improvement till a few months ago and then suddenly, it happened (when I say improvement, I mean she can actually form the majority, not all, of the letters. I'm not talking writing sentences yet iyswim but for us, that's an improvement).

Yes, it is worrying isn't it .

I know he's a boy so probably not one for threading beads (maybe he is?!) but have you got lego or meccano (or that k-nex stuff)? All the sorts of building stuff where they have to use their fingers helps.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 20:44

Yes he has lego, Knex etc, but he isn't that bothered with it (could all be related) & I find that his 4 year old brother is far more likely to sit with DS1's lego producing some rocket or something, than DS1 is!

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 20:51

I always get myself worried at this time of year because of the extra challanges he will be facing in the new year group, but I am especially worried this year with him going up to KS2.

Hope things work out well for your DD. You worry so much for them, don't you?

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foxinsocks · 13/06/2007 20:54

yes, no-one ever tells you about that do they (the worry!).

Did you say you were getting him assessed? Maybe there will be some extra help for him if he needs it?

I know what you mean about the lego. Dd always hated hama beads (even though I know she would have loved them if she could have handled the beads). I think they naturally (and it's understandable) don't like doing things they feel they aren't good at or struggle with. Tis only human I suppose.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 13/06/2007 21:06

No nobody tells you how tough it can be being a parent, or how much of a worry it is, especially if they don't quite fit in with the others.

He has been a little better with his behaviour since coming home from school, which I am pleased about, because I was starting to get myself really really down about it all today.

I guess I have to expect all this for some time yet though. It's been a tough year for my boys.

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ahundredtimes · 13/06/2007 23:18

You're doing a great job Pink. When you have the assessment and hopefully a dx, it'll help and you can strategise with the school on the best way forward.

DS2 is waiting to see an OP, whose hopefully going to give us some exercises to build up power in his hands. My DS2 will still write actually, it's just that noone can read it. All his letters fall in on themselves, like drunks rolling down the street!

Play to their strengths girls, is the way forward. . . .

(btw lego etc is way out of our league, but duplo isn't and even things like Buckaroo are good, as is playdough!)

Blu · 13/06/2007 23:23

It's been a tough year for you, too, PC. Don't forget that you are dealing with all this with a year of emotional, psychological and physical (lack of sleep etc) stress behind you. You're facing all this with your tanks on empty, so no wonder it feel exceptionally hard.
Any short cuts you can see to give yourself an easy life - take them. Are you eating well and finding 10 mins a day to relax, get some fresh air and something exhilarating like a v brisk walk or a stroll on the beach? I know it's hard...but give yourself some time.

foxinsocks · 14/06/2007 09:44

other things that we were told were good - letting them draw on the yard/patio with chalks, getting them to draw pictures in sand, making bread (kneading dough), if you have a piano (or even a toy keyboard) letting them play that, screwing up newspaper and making models.

Weirdly, dd started a gym club this term and I'm wondering whether that has helped. They have to do lots of balancing and the like.

And like everyone has said PC, sounds like you've had a hell of a stressful time. Give yourself a break! I'm not surprised it feels constant when you have them on your own. He's also probably very frustrated with himself (at not being able to do things like put his shoes on) - it must be hellavu annoying for them (I know it makes dd v frustrated).