I am really struggling with DS1's behaviour

[Pinkchampagne]

I recently moved into a new place on my own with my two boys & I expected some behaviour problems with my boys as it is obviously a really big change & a very stressful time for them.

DS1 started behaved really badly from day 1 (as expected), but a month on it is getting no better, despite trying positive things like smiley charts etc.

Everything is a struggle (he is also being assessed for possible special needs), even simple things like asking him to get his shoes on is a challange.

He is answering back constantly, being rude, not doing as he is told & basically challanging me to the max.

This morning I started a new smiley chart with him, but it made no difference to his behaviour & he told me he would scribble all over it.

The second his father turns up to collect him, he turns into a different child.

I am feeling so low & so drained now. I am finding it so hard coping with it all on my own & just don't know how to make things better.

Spoke to the SENCO today during my performance management meeting, and told her about the troubles I am having with DS1 (nothing to do with my work performance, I know!), and she suggested trying a chart where he only earns smiley faces, not sad ones. I think this is a good idea as once he gets a sad face, he totally loses interest in the whole chart.
I am going to start a new chart tomorrow where he is to try & get 5 smiley faces a day, then gets a reward at the end of each day of 20p or so, which he can save up.