3 yr old contradicting everything I say.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Absolutely everything. "Look at those fish DS! Aren't they big? (Massive....) "they're NOT big. They're little"

Shall we get some grapes? "No. I don't like them" (He does)

Be careful of the oven, it's hot "it's not hot, it's cold"

And so on. It's driving me bloody potty to be honest. How do I deal with it? Just ignore it (and therefore never speak to him? )

Anyone at all? I'm really struggling with this.

That sounds difficult OP. Have you tried offering the voice of 2? So instead of saying shall we get grapes, ask him if he wants grapes or melon. This usually gives them the impression that they are in control but really you’re the one offering the limited choices.

As for the fish, have you tried getting him to count the fish or spotcall of the blue ones? My DS needed a lot of stimulation and at 3 would have looked at me a bit if I’d said “look at the fish, arent they big*

As for the oven. There are some things that are non negotiable. If he said no it’s cold I’d be tempted to say “no it’s hot but if you think it’s cold, don’t cry when you get burned when I’ve warned you it’s hot.”

Generally though, I think ignoring negativeity is best

It is very draining. I should have said, I also have a younger child so sone of the comments would be aimed at him. I do tend to ignore it but I don't mind admitting I find it hard. I worry about it too, it's making time spent with him unpleasant.

Today we've had "he doesnt like it when you do that" (he does)

"We'll finish watching this then we are going to xxx" (No we're not we're doing this)

Dc what are you eating? "Muesli" no it's not it's toast. To quote just a very few examples. Also, his "explanation" for things. "Its not hot, it's cold because I'm going to feed the cat/I've got a poorly tummy/I want to sing a song"

I think you need to try to take it less seriously. He is a small child with a lot of social development still left to do: he doesn't hear himself as you do. Laugh and ignore.

When my dd was that age, her standard retort to any statement of mine was "how do you know? did you read it in a book? did you read it in the paper?" She has grown up into a very courteous and well-spoken young adult, who, quite unexpectedly, seems to have a lot of respect for the opinions of her mother.

Look at it this way. It doesn't matter whether they respect your opinion or not when they are still small enough to be tucked under your arm and taken wherever you decide they need to go. The time it matters is when they are bigger than you, and of age in the eyes of the law, and their respect for your opinion is the only thing that stands between them and trying that dodgy pill that their mate's brought to the party or joining the group in an enterprise that might just be on the shady side of the law. That is what matters and, provided your parenting is sensible and not completely OTT, that probably has little to do with what their attitude was at the age of 3.

It can be relentless. I find it very wearing. I'm concerned that ignoring it will mean that he continues to do it, and it will carry on when he's older. Because so far ignoring it isn't working. He doesn't stop. In fact if I totally ignore his response he will say it several more times.

My daughter has only just turned 3 but she full well knows that some things wind me up... so obviously she does them! She does what your DS does when she’s in one of these moods, especially when I’m trying to teach her about left and right and putting shoes on etc... it can be draining but I normally just say ‘no, mummy is right it is this...’ and if she disagrees with me again I just say, ‘mummy has told you the right answer okay’ and after that ignor it if she carries on... it’s just their way of testing you and boundaries now they’re a bit older! Hopefully it’s just a phase and he grows out of it too! I’ve got a 7m old and a 3y 1m and it is hard when you’re trying to talk to both of them I know! X

My 3 year old has just really got into opposites. He likes that show on CBeebies about the cat and dog that teaches opposites. Might it be that he's just exploring the concept of opposites but unfortunately in an annoying way! Mine also disagrees with me similarly to yours though normally he's smiling as he says it. It's like a game to him to figure out what the opposite would be. I've seen jigsaw puzzles etc where they have to pair up the opposites, would he enjoy something like that as an outlet for it?

Thank you, that's actually a great idea to teach opposites, I'm going to give it a try!

Teaching opposites is a great idea. Also, thinking about timescale. When they are little, it often feels like you need to stop every bad habit (or every perceived bad habit) in its tracks straightaway or else you will lose your grip and they will never do anything right again.

With hindsight you realise that the time span was much longer than you thought: a habit that is repeated 50 million times by your 3yo may well be completely forgotten by your 5yo and be a horrible embarrassment, if reminded, to your 8yo. The 3yo who talked back at me incessantly has grown up into a questioning and not-easily-conned adult (good) but has also developed a set of adult manners (also good). It didn't happen all in one day.

My mantra, when mine were younger, used to be "child-rearing is work in progress". It really is. It doesn't all have to sink in on the same day.

And you will probably find it less irritating if you can manage to find it less worrying.