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Behaviour/development

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I think it's about time I had a chat about my DS.........

69 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:24

These are words that are often, some daily in fact, used to describe him. He is 2.1 yrs.

A "handful"
"cheeky"
"destructive"
"devious"
"persistent"
"strong-willed"
"determined"
"naughty"
"charming"
"exhausting"
"clever"
"crafty"
"dextrous"
"bright"
"difficult"

Now, he's called a few other things too...(handsome, loving, funny, etc, but I dont think they are necessarily pertinent).

Now, I get that he is 2, and we all know that 2 year olds are challenging

However, this particular 2 year old has got me to the end of my tether yet again today because of the battles we have to get him dressed, and notably - changing his nappy.

This has been a fight with him literally since he has been able to kick his legs about and wave his arms.

Dinner times - more stress - sometimes he'll eat, sometimes not - i'm not worried about this - its the making an absolute mess with his food that stresess me. Mess is a huge factor here actually - we had to gaffer tape his nappy on a couple of months ago to stop him pulling it off and throwing poo everywhere and eating it.

You cannot turn your back on him for a second - he climbs everything (and has been doing so for the last year). He is constantly trying to open things, undo things, pull things apart, and also put things 'in' something. He rarely stops "doing" something - he cant sit still long enough to read a toddler book, or play a game or sing a nursery rhyme (although he will sit for protracted periods to watch CBeebies .....). He has learned to "dummy" adults (He'll make a loud crashing mess in one corner to distract the adult and get them to deal with the noise/mess, thus moving them away from his intended target and keeping them occupied ).

Getting him into his car seat - another battle. Sometimes he'll climb into it (although this is rare). He fights being 'put' in it. He insists on trying to do it up himself (cept he cant do it himself), every single journey involves him getting his arms out the straps and doing things he shouldnt. I cannot fix this problem (he can also work his way out of a 5 point harness hence prams and reins no real restraint when out shopping).

Speaking of which - he often and regularly will just run off - just turn in one direction and run and run barely looking back - except to laugh.

I'm shattered. And I really feel like I am doing things 'wrong' which has caused all these things to become a 'battle' each and every time. The thing is, on rare occasions, he'll just do whatever it is that is required - changing nappy, eating dinner nicely, getting in car seat nicely etc. It seems that he is a fast learner, energetic and fairly bright i suppose. I dont want to turn all these traits that are emminently positive, into negatives, simply because I cant 'handle' him.

Tell me what I am doing wrong - but more importantly - tell me what i should be doing.

I'm totally thrown - DD just wasnt like this at all.

OP posts:
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PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 20:22

distraction technique is a buit hit and miss with dd as well, some nights it works, other nights it just winds her up and makes the whole situation worse.

she's going through a phase of not wanting her teeth brushed which involves screaming, kicking, biting, throwing and hitting. i'm sure the neighbours think i beat her when they hear the noise from here!

i also had to physically carry her kicking and screaming from the library as she didn't want to go home, and you know it's bad when the librarians are so used to her doing it every time that they didn't even blink!

hope you have some luck with ds, hopefully he wil grow out of it for you.

we're seeing a paediatrician tomorrow about dd's food intolerances which i think cause alot of her behaviour problems

quadrophenia · 30/05/2007 20:25

I think the thing is in these situations as a parent you tend to think there is more you could be doing, something you are doing wrong etc when actually you are doing it all. It will improve, really it will and with the better weather then at least you can get out more which is good for the soul if nothing else

dissle · 30/05/2007 20:26

oH gOD this is me and my ds.

I have posted on NUMEROUS occassions about him.

It is so bad that i genuinely believe that NON of my friends like him, not one.
The words you use to describe your boy...are the kinder words that i have heard people use to describe mine.

The most recent was "if he were mine, he would be a lump in the garden by now"
It really upsets me to the point that i have stopped taking him any where with me.
In fact this has been ongoing for the last 1.5 years.
i have periods of up to a month where we just dont go out such is my desperation at not bieng able to cope with him in public.

Believe me, i know what you are going through to the letter hun, it is so so hard.

dissle · 30/05/2007 20:30

posted tonight about him asualting me with a chair and table this evening...im battered and bruised. and sad.

play school and pre school say he is absolutely fine with them...either they are lying or it is just me.

quadrophenia · 30/05/2007 20:32

Dissle that is so sad, don't listen to negative comments like that, you really musn't, he is your child and you love him, even if he is hard work. I know its hard but don't shut yourself away, the more you go out with him, the more he will learn about what you expect of him.
I'm sure preschool aren't lying, kids play their mums up, its just what they do, its because he feels safe with you. kepp going it will improve

dissle · 30/05/2007 20:37

Dont get me wrong, i am a gobshite myself and dont take such comments lying down...they are from good friends and the fact that they are acknowledging that he is a problem relieves me a bit.

They are frightened for thier childrens lives when my boy is around!!!!

I have to say that they all have little babies......just wait, just wait till they hit 2/3..hehehe i shall laugh out loud!!!!!

Aefondkiss · 30/05/2007 20:37

I totally sympathise, I found the wriggling power of my 2+(now 3) year old ds very hard to deal with, the stubbornness is shocking, lung power shattering.

day in day out for 6-8 months there were days when I was thinking of giving up and getting a job

when all else failed my coping strategies(which don't always work) were to tickle, sing or play some kind of chasing game... all forms of distraction, that have at least lightened my mood...

ds has grown out of the running away and just looking back to smile at me

not much consolation for you VVV.

PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 20:38

oh yes... apparently at playschool dd is 'a quiet, senstiive child' and they 'couldn't imagine her throwing a tantrum'

quadrophenia · 30/05/2007 20:39

Dissle i had a friend who commented on my ds all the time, we go camping together and she always said stuff, her ds is now 2 and wow its like she has seen the light. she knows exactly what i went through, I refrain from commenting though

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 20:42

Good luck tomorrow PT.

Dissle - your friends dont sound very supportive

OP posts:
dissle · 30/05/2007 20:43

there you go!
Its important to draw a line and provide boundries, this i know BUT i am so concious that i am always forcing him to COMPLY with what i want and need him to do.
he obviously has a very strong mind and wants to do what he wants to do. I feel like i am always stiffling his will.
Do you see what i mean?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 20:43

Quad...i have a friend like that

OP posts:
dissle · 30/05/2007 20:44

no, their comments are not always supportive nor helpful, however revenge will come when thier angels hit 2/3 wont it! MMMWAHAHAHAH!!!

PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 20:47

it always does dissle, and by then you'll have a creative, independant, clever 4 year old and can sit back and giggle

thanks VVV am shitting bricks, not sure whether i'm more worried they'll find something wrong with her or afraid they won't and i'm just a neaurotic freak

tombley · 30/05/2007 20:47

The worse bit for me is the headbanging if he can't have his own way when we are out. He can drop to his knees (hasn't seen the pram in about 8 weeks now, he just steps out of the straps) as though he doesn't have any bones and bangs his head really hard, front or back. I have left shops, town, playgroup etc so many times with under my arm while I try not to show the general public that he is biting me hard enough to make me bleed. What do you do when they are hurting themselves like that? I know I should ignore it but I really can't, I don't think he would stop until he had damaged himself.

drosophila · 30/05/2007 20:57

This probably won't help but he sounds like a really interesting chappy. I suspect very bright and when older will be the life and soul. One of those people everyone wants to be around.

DD is a bit like this but not as physical. Never stops talking/shouting and is sooo demanding. Her bedroom consists of a toddler bed and a changing unit and a stair gate. Anything else and she would climb it.

How is his sleeping?

kamikayzed · 30/05/2007 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 21:21

Dros...he's certainly very outgoing and always attracts attention from women and other children when we are out.

The men - he likes to grab at or prod!!!!

KK - thanks for that - will have a look at that link.

OP posts:
kels666 · 31/05/2007 14:43

My dd (2.1) is rather like that - I think they call them 'spirited'. This morning, she wriggled out of the car seat (5 point harness) & stood up. She won't hold hands, wear reins (flops to the ground) or sit in the buggy. She also removes her nappy, but hasn't yet worked out how to undo her vest - so her vest stays on. What works with my DD is allowing her to do as much as possible - she dresses herself (as much as she can manage), helps in the kitchen - loads dishwasher, washing up etc. I let her climb - stairs, mantelpiece, piano etc...(as long as I'm watching)....Now, if I could just stop her wrestling her 10 mth old brother to the ground

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