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Original poster

I think it's about time I had a chat about my DS.........

69 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:24

These are words that are often, some daily in fact, used to describe him. He is 2.1 yrs.

A "handful"
"cheeky"
"destructive"
"devious"
"persistent"
"strong-willed"
"determined"
"naughty"
"charming"
"exhausting"
"clever"
"crafty"
"dextrous"
"bright"
"difficult"

Now, he's called a few other things too...(handsome, loving, funny, etc, but I dont think they are necessarily pertinent).

Now, I get that he is 2, and we all know that 2 year olds are challenging

However, this particular 2 year old has got me to the end of my tether yet again today because of the battles we have to get him dressed, and notably - changing his nappy.

This has been a fight with him literally since he has been able to kick his legs about and wave his arms.

Dinner times - more stress - sometimes he'll eat, sometimes not - i'm not worried about this - its the making an absolute mess with his food that stresess me. Mess is a huge factor here actually - we had to gaffer tape his nappy on a couple of months ago to stop him pulling it off and throwing poo everywhere and eating it.

You cannot turn your back on him for a second - he climbs everything (and has been doing so for the last year). He is constantly trying to open things, undo things, pull things apart, and also put things 'in' something. He rarely stops "doing" something - he cant sit still long enough to read a toddler book, or play a game or sing a nursery rhyme (although he will sit for protracted periods to watch CBeebies .....). He has learned to "dummy" adults (He'll make a loud crashing mess in one corner to distract the adult and get them to deal with the noise/mess, thus moving them away from his intended target and keeping them occupied ).

Getting him into his car seat - another battle. Sometimes he'll climb into it (although this is rare). He fights being 'put' in it. He insists on trying to do it up himself (cept he cant do it himself), every single journey involves him getting his arms out the straps and doing things he shouldnt. I cannot fix this problem (he can also work his way out of a 5 point harness hence prams and reins no real restraint when out shopping).

Speaking of which - he often and regularly will just run off - just turn in one direction and run and run barely looking back - except to laugh.

I'm shattered. And I really feel like I am doing things 'wrong' which has caused all these things to become a 'battle' each and every time. The thing is, on rare occasions, he'll just do whatever it is that is required - changing nappy, eating dinner nicely, getting in car seat nicely etc. It seems that he is a fast learner, energetic and fairly bright i suppose. I dont want to turn all these traits that are emminently positive, into negatives, simply because I cant 'handle' him.

Tell me what I am doing wrong - but more importantly - tell me what i should be doing.

I'm totally thrown - DD just wasnt like this at all.

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Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:24

Crikey - that was long sorry!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 16:26

[squeezes VVV tight and waits for someone useful]

PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 16:28

if we survive and the kids survive we can marry your ds off to my dd as they sound like soulmates.

you have my sympathy and understanding but unfortunately no real solution, we have found she's better when on a wheat free diet, lord knows why but she's still a 'handful'

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 16:29

put him in a pair of dungarees and nail the back bit to the wall

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 16:31

seriously - run him ragged - lots and lots of outside exercise

if he makes a mess of food take it away for 2 minutes then give it back
if he does it again take it away for good
strong firm 'NO'

use strong firm easy to understand directions

do not change your mind every 5 minutes

and breathe .. its a phase .. breathe

tigerschick · 30/05/2007 16:31

Sorry VVV - just offering a supportive and an interested ear for any other advice - tho liking Twiglet's train of thought at the mo.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:32

PHew....at least two people got to the end of it without falling asleep

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 16:32

i do find as well with dd getting her out of the house and letting her run wild in a safe place (swimming, soft play, fenced park, beach, etc) helps.

the less time we spend in the house the better

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:35

ah, more than two......thank you folks....

Twig - the running him ragged is difficult...there are few enclosed parks where we are, and the ones that have enclosed bits have adventure playgrounds in. Now, this is fine for a 4, 5, 6 or older child.

DS will attempt to climb or jump or throw himself off at the highest point.

He Has No Fear.

Although, it could be that I am utterly exhausted and cant think of a solution....how can I tire him out SAFELY please?

OP posts:
ernest · 30/05/2007 16:38

this is my ds3. He was such an angelic baby, so quiet, smiles, ate, gurgled, slept for the 1st year of his life, then BOOM he turned into a 'determined' and 'strong-willed' toddler. he's now 3,5 and not much better. People laugh and say 'you can tell he has 2 older brothers!'. He is really small for his age & does look angelic, so lulls everyone into a false sence of security...... He can't be bigger than them, or stronger, but he can be lauder, more cunning, stubborn etc etc. Doesn't go down too well with my extremely stubborn and strong-willed dh or older 3 dss.

He's exactly the same with his car seat as you describe. Sometimes I let him, I give him a time limit .

Recently refusing arm bands at pool. I allow him none in baby shallow pool, but if he won't put them on for the ain pool he's not allowed in. I try to give him some of the freedom he craves but have to put limits eg time on a lot. wrt taking arms out of seat straps I just stop and refuse to move tillhe fixes it. Very boring and time consuming, but it works. I find negotiation works well but dh will not tolerate this "He should just do what he's told" so they have constant MAJOR battles.

hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 16:38

As someone who has had experience of VVV's DS's abilities - can I just say that he is one of the most agile, strong and driven toddlers I know.

He scares me

But by God, he's cute!

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:39

Swimming is good - it works actually - again he has no fear but we are both there but this covers one day a week.

Beach - he eats sand. Also, he nearly drowned last October, because He Has No Fear and ran into the sea, fell over, and couldnt get up again.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 16:39

swimming is fabulous, does your loacl pool have a toddler pool?

your in london so no beach i suppose, what about dance classes or toddler gym classes? tatty bumpkins that sort of thing?

playschool is a godsend, dd goes 3 mornings a week and we couldn't cope without it. she loves it and they let her go into the montessori class while all the other toddlers are napping so she gets to do lots of crafts, singing, dancing and letters and numbers which seems to captivate her.

as for the nappy changes, is he at all ready for potty changing... major relief of stress round here once we didn't have the nappy change fights several times a day

Chugnuts · 30/05/2007 16:44

A mini-trampoline worked wonders with ds2. It's one of those small ones with a handle and doesn't take up much space.

GlassSlipper · 30/05/2007 16:45

he sounds really bright.

be consistent with him. work out with dh what the boundaries need to be for the main problem areas and stick to them (no matter how much you dont want to drah him home)

He'll get the message. And probably quite quickly if he is this bright and sees he is missing out.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:45

Not ready for potty yet - definitely. Although does a token sit on the toilet and gets off again.

The problem is, I work. So, 4 days a week I am limited with what I can do.

Money is also an issue. Really quite an issue at the moment tbh. I cant afford to place him at a nursery - not that I want to anyway. Various clubs cost money. (although something sport related seems to be teh way to go.....)

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 16:46

also, dd doesn't go in her buggy anymore, she walks everywhere which shatters her. not great if you need to get places quick but really good for wearing her out

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 16:48

softplay? ... find a small one with a bench for you and ignore him (ideally one with a cafe)

do you have a safe garden? can you chuck him out

hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 16:49

One of these for the car seat, maybe?

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 16:49

do you live near hunker or TC .. they had a nice park with an enclosed bit

Mhamai · 30/05/2007 16:49

Oh vvv, you have brought back some memories of ds now 6 with alarming precision. There were days when I thought I would crack and often nearly did! But you keep going and you get through it and believe it or not but your op is half the battle, just writing it down, sharing it and us other mums coming back to tell you of our own experiences and how we cope/don't cope etc. I have no doubt that you are a mum in a million, so hang in there v, it does get better.

GlassSlipper · 30/05/2007 16:49

also, and this is REALLY HARD. Try and do lots of praise for all the good things he does (even if you have to think really hard to find one) and ignore some of the mildly naughty things. He'll start responding to the positives.

I often find my DD behaves badly when I expect her to. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 16:51

Yes, come and see me more and we'll go to the parks near me

tombley · 30/05/2007 16:54

He does sound very like my ds (2.2) and lots of the words you used to describe him I have heard.
I don't really have any answers other than to echo the advice about getting out as much as possible and finding activities that wear him out as much as possible. I work part time but 5 days a week we do at least one activity a day. Luckily the Gym I attend has a timetable of children's activities and we use this as much as possible but lots of local authority leisure centres provide toddler gymnastic classes or similar. I also send him to the creche in the gym and let them tire him out for £3 per hour - cheap at twice the price. They often get the bouncy castle out.
I am very familiar with the No Fear and have had to learn to let him learn the hard way when it comes to jumping in the pool without being caught etc.
Like you say DD was never like this.

elasticbandstand · 30/05/2007 16:54

the woods may be,
sounds like my youngest, phew, still going strong if a little calmer.