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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I think it's about time I had a chat about my DS.........

69 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 16:24

These are words that are often, some daily in fact, used to describe him. He is 2.1 yrs.

A "handful"
"cheeky"
"destructive"
"devious"
"persistent"
"strong-willed"
"determined"
"naughty"
"charming"
"exhausting"
"clever"
"crafty"
"dextrous"
"bright"
"difficult"

Now, he's called a few other things too...(handsome, loving, funny, etc, but I dont think they are necessarily pertinent).

Now, I get that he is 2, and we all know that 2 year olds are challenging

However, this particular 2 year old has got me to the end of my tether yet again today because of the battles we have to get him dressed, and notably - changing his nappy.

This has been a fight with him literally since he has been able to kick his legs about and wave his arms.

Dinner times - more stress - sometimes he'll eat, sometimes not - i'm not worried about this - its the making an absolute mess with his food that stresess me. Mess is a huge factor here actually - we had to gaffer tape his nappy on a couple of months ago to stop him pulling it off and throwing poo everywhere and eating it.

You cannot turn your back on him for a second - he climbs everything (and has been doing so for the last year). He is constantly trying to open things, undo things, pull things apart, and also put things 'in' something. He rarely stops "doing" something - he cant sit still long enough to read a toddler book, or play a game or sing a nursery rhyme (although he will sit for protracted periods to watch CBeebies .....). He has learned to "dummy" adults (He'll make a loud crashing mess in one corner to distract the adult and get them to deal with the noise/mess, thus moving them away from his intended target and keeping them occupied ).

Getting him into his car seat - another battle. Sometimes he'll climb into it (although this is rare). He fights being 'put' in it. He insists on trying to do it up himself (cept he cant do it himself), every single journey involves him getting his arms out the straps and doing things he shouldnt. I cannot fix this problem (he can also work his way out of a 5 point harness hence prams and reins no real restraint when out shopping).

Speaking of which - he often and regularly will just run off - just turn in one direction and run and run barely looking back - except to laugh.

I'm shattered. And I really feel like I am doing things 'wrong' which has caused all these things to become a 'battle' each and every time. The thing is, on rare occasions, he'll just do whatever it is that is required - changing nappy, eating dinner nicely, getting in car seat nicely etc. It seems that he is a fast learner, energetic and fairly bright i suppose. I dont want to turn all these traits that are emminently positive, into negatives, simply because I cant 'handle' him.

Tell me what I am doing wrong - but more importantly - tell me what i should be doing.

I'm totally thrown - DD just wasnt like this at all.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 16:56

positive over-effusive praise of good things a very good point

(if you go and see Hunker, c'n I come too?)

hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 16:58

Course you can, Twiglett!

In fact, let's plan it.

Yes, let's!

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 16:59

aside to sneaky: why didn't you register HunkerWanker?

hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 17:02

Because I wanted someone else to

And now I know it's you

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 17:03

of course its me

hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 17:06

And hunkersnafumunker? [hard stare]

Twiglett · 30/05/2007 17:10

Nope

but I have HunkerSmellsofReindeerPoo (for seasonal reasons, you understand)

HonoriaGlossop · 30/05/2007 17:19

vvv, wow, you culd have been describing my ds at the same age. I so remember that feeling of following him around clearning up the mess while he made another mess in another corner!

I second swimming as an excellent way of exhausting them. Soft play is good as they at least have a soft landing when they throw themselves off high things!

With the other things like the car seat, nappy, getting dressed: Would pull up nappies work? Possibly not if you'd have an issue with him taking his own off; but the pull ups certainly help with nappy changing time. The only way I found with my ds to get around dressing/push chair stuff was to engage in role play nearly all the time. I don't think ANYTHING can be gained by simply telling a child like this they must do something; it is just a challenge to them and a power struggle ensues. Luckily my ds was extremely imaginative and played at being other characters all day long so his clothes were not HIS but for instance "These are bus driver's trousers, only bus drivers wear these" or reverse psyxhology "only wizrds who can do magic are allowed to wear these clothes, that's NEVER you, is it?" Same with the pushchair, it's a racing car or a space pod or something else...

I just think you need to avoid the reality with a child like this. They don't like for one minute to see themselves as a child who is being told what to do. I think you need to always get them on board with you by games, challenges and reverse psychology.

FioFio · 30/05/2007 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 30/05/2007 17:26

On the wearing him out side - tricycle?

nappyaddict · 30/05/2007 17:32

nappies - would getting some resuable poppered nappies work?they would be harder to take off and you can pull them up too so he doesnt have to lie down to put them on.

car seat - just stop the car (if it is safe) and refuse to move until he gets back in his seat.

running off - would one of those wrist straps or backpack things work?

can you take him to the woods/park let him run around and tire him out. soft play is good too.

what about tumble tots or something like that?

nappyaddict · 30/05/2007 17:32

what about a scooter or bike?

Dior · 30/05/2007 17:37

Message withdrawn

inthepink · 30/05/2007 17:42

we had battles with my ds at this age, for the getting dressed we turned it into a game with daddy to see who could be the first dressed, this included teeth brushing and shoes on ready to go out, still sometimes have to resort to this now or he has to do something by the time we count to 20 or 50 depends what it is he has to do, this makes it more interesting for him and we aren't telling him to do it iyswim

We also had a swim vest and then an all in one with floaties in it, mil bought the all in one from America but sure you could get them in the UK, it was piece of mind for me more than anything so I could actually look away for more than a second, he loved it as he could just jump in the pool and I loved it because I know he couldn't drown (as much as I was tempted some times!!!)

He has improved as he has got older but like others have said he needed to burn off the energy and he does so much sport now and with school he is so tired at the end of the day he just collapses into bed

PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 17:47

dp just made the best comment about dd .... 'you're interesting if nothing else!'

this was in response to her trying to drive her ride on car on the foot high, half a foot wide ldge in front of the fireplace and unsurpriseingly landing in a heap on the tiles

burek · 30/05/2007 17:49

DS (3.8) is often described with those words too. And it does take a lot of energy and patience to run around after them. He started nursery - half days - in Jan and I've found that it works wonders for burning off the energy - I think he basically runs around with two other similar-minded little boys ALL morning!. He then comes home knackered (although also grumpy!) and he is less prone to 'cheekiness'.

Rantmum · 30/05/2007 17:59

My ds (2.4)is very similar and has a similar love of climbing (he has climbed to the top of playground equiptment intended for school age children and then tries to jump!!

I completely agree with the exercise issue and I also REALLY limit his sugar intake and try to make sure that he is not eating too much processed foods with additives and this does seem to help, although it can be a hassle.

Is there anything in your ds's diet that might be contributing?

Also, this may not be much help but may give you more peace of mind, I have heard that this sort of challenging "terrible two's" behaviour usually peaks at around 2 years and (slowly) improves as children mature and learn different ways to express their frustration and as they start to develop a little bit of empathy.

quadrophenia · 30/05/2007 17:59

I vote for small trampoline also.

having had two girls, followed by two boys the diffreneces are very clear. Whilst at two i found it easier to engage with my girls, the boys just weren't interested and displayed much of the charceteristics you mention. As hard as it is you need to let go of things a bit, it is a phase, really it is. The mess you say bothers you alot, I can understand that and whilst you need to teach him certain bounderies don't get to obsessed due to the mess as it may stifle his play (this is a big parenting downfall for me too).

trying not to see things as a battle all the time really is a state of mind, pick your battles, take deep breathes and when in doubt come on mn for a break.

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 18:27

thank you all you lovely lot

Twig - that'd be lovely - yes! Lets plan it

Just to cover a few of the suggestions, and Hunker can confirm - DS and playgrounds = frighteningly exhausting experience. Ditto scooters/trikes.

Walking (particularly instead of pram) - absolute nightmare - and he really honestly can get out of a 5 point harness, reins and wrist straps (i think hunker has seen him escape from his pram, and given us both a heart attack in Debenhams )

Mess...again hunker can confirm I am quite easy-going with the mess....

Rantmum - diet - I dont buy things with additives (not the stuff that I give to my DCs to eat anyway ). This is because DD has various food allergies and I have to be extra vigilant because of her.

Pull-ups etc - a no go - its the whole scenario of changing a poo-ey nappy that is a problem (a wet one doesnt necessitate the cleaning that a poo-ey one does, of course). Role plays and games I have tried - often they dont work, or they work for a minute, and then he gets bored and tries to roll away. Bribery does work, but I use this Very Rarely. In the morning, I've taken to changing his nappy and getting him dressed by giving him his warm milk to drink whilst I do it. He quite happily lays there (lifts legs and arms as appropriate etc) while I do it. Gosh this sounds very pathetic doesnt it?

Trampoline is by FAR the best suggestion - will put it in his bedroom I think. If i put it in the garden he will 'use' it to climb up things.

Re garden - we have an 'okay' garden, but, we have a pond. He eats snails and mud too, which is a little off-putting. We got a sand-play table. He ate the sand or stuff it down his trousers. But he is out there as much as possible when the weather is nice.

I may start visiting softplay places more when DD is back at pre-school after half term. It'll only be for an hour or so, but, it'll help hopefully.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 30/05/2007 18:49

Yes, I can confirm that VVV's speaking the truth re her DSs ability to terrify.

He was 16mo when he was standing at the top of that climbing frame in the park last year, iirc? The same age DS2 is now?

And yes, escapology is a forte.

He is DARN cute though. Blond and scrumptious. And CUTE! Did I mention cute? I love him.

I think our children are similar though, VVV - DS1 is like DD (although getting more boisterous - I blame preschool... ) and DS2 is more like DS - although if he's shifting kitchen chairs around in 3 months' time to climb onto the worksurface to get at the knives, I'm ebaying him

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 18:54

I'll never forget the day that DD came running up the stairs screaming

"mummy, MUMMY - hes coming upstairs and he's got a KNIFE!!!"

He is very gorgeous though.....I agree!

OP posts:

PinkTulips · 30/05/2007 20:01

ach, knives. dd has a knack for finding them too. she's smashed the safety locks on all the drawers and cupboards and is a dab hand at hauling the chairs in to climb on the counters

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 20:16

Well, I am glad that I am not alone

I am desperately trying to see it in a positive light (ie, that he'll be a famous athlete or explorer or something with these talents ), but, when you are chasing around a toddler with a shitty bum, its difficult to put a positive spin on it.....

Just tried distraction to get his pyjamas and nappy on by playing his favourite game with DD - pretending to be puppies. It didnt work...

OP posts:

quadrophenia · 30/05/2007 20:18

how about preschool VVQV, when is he due to start, do you think it may help at all?

Original poster

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/05/2007 20:21

September

2008.....

I'm sure it will help, but its no good to me right now! Thank you though. I really do appreciate the suggestions - its reassuring to find I have thought of some of them already...iykwim?

OP posts:

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