Fed up - DD's won't share, one constantly interferes.

[babyblue2]

DD1 - 4.3, DD2 - 2.3. DD1 is good but won't stop interfering and isn't very good at sharing. DD2 is a livewire and temperamental. They constantly fight over things, DD2 gets a toy out to play and DD1 has to interf and take over, tantrum occurs, then hitting from DD2. DD1 caused it all really but DD2 in trouble for hitting. DD1 has to know everything thats going on and questions, questions, questions, all the time. They talk over each other and I have 3 people talking to me at once. In the end I just have to shout to get them all to shut up (more crying) or DH walks off in a strop cos he can't get a word in edgeways. I feel like i'm going round in circles and need pointing in the right direction. I'm sick of feeling torn in all directions and sick of the constant crying thats going on in my house. I know its not unusual for a family but any advice or reading material please. Generally pissed off.

I'm doing a course just now called " The Incredible Years" and its for tackling behaviours you want to change such as this.
If you go to www.incredibleyears.com you can see links to the book etc.
One of the 1st things we were told to do was to spend just 10mins each day alone with each child, playing. It also teached about positive and negative attentions...have a look, it may help.....

Shall have a look. In September DD1 will start full time school which will take away some of the stress as i'll just have DD2 all day, but I fear that in the evening and weekends it'll all start again.

Sounds like your dd1 thinks she is 'in charge' of dd2, in the same way you are, because she's older. What you and dd2 see as interference, to dd1 may be helping. Perhaps she thinks dd2 is playing with something the 'wrong' way, and wants to show her how to do it properly.

I would start parroting words to the effect 'You are not in charge of dd2, I am. Please don't tell her what to do.'

Get a wooden spoon. Who holds the spoon talks. You are in charge of who holds the spoon. She who talks over the spoon-holder is removed from the room.

Also, ime, a 2 year old and a 4 year old is hard. Some ages clash, iyswim. 2 year old in the tantrum years and 4 year old getting an idea of how she can control her own environment.

I agree humphrey. I've said to DD1 on many occasion that she is not mummy, i am and therefore she has no need to tell DD2 off etc. It falls on deaf ears. I did ready when pregnant that the 2 year age gap is probably least ideal. I certainly wouldn't recommend it.