How old is too old for a dummy?

[Shattered]

My ds has just turned two. He's been very good in most ways, he's always been a good sleeper and he weaned himself off the bottle when he was about 14 months. He doesn't have any other comforters except for his dummy, which I only give to him for his daytime sleep. Initially, I was hoping he would no longer be using it by the time he turned one, but he still loves having it for his nap so I keep letting it go. The trouble is that when he was very sick a few weeks ago, I let him lie on the couch with a blanket and his dummy because it seemed to comfort him, and now that he's better he's been wanting it again when he gets tired in the late afternoon. DH and I think it's best if he only has the dummy for his naps so we haven't been giving it to him, and now of course ds doesn't like this very much. I guess he'll get over it soon but I'm just wondering what others think about an appropriate age for giving up the dummy. Is he too old to still have it or do you think I should let it go for a bit longer? My MIL told me once that she hates seeing toddlers with a dummy in their mouths so I feel a bit uncomfortable with the fact that he still uses it. What do you think?

Don't worry about it would be my advice. My ds gave his up at about 3-ish (was only having it at night by then) and it was easy since he was growing out of wanting it anyway. He had it sometimes during the day then (comfort after falling over etc) but when it fell apart and I refused to buy another he was fine. You could always say to your MIL "oh well, it's only for sleeping, he'll grow out of it." and leave it at that. HTH

MIL's and other people do love pointing out how they hate seeing children with dummies, don't they? Shattered - my dd is 2 and still has her dummy for day and night time sleep or if she is poorly. When she's a little older (towards 3-ish) I intend to withdraw its use slowly and 'reason' with her...
I think a dummy is better than a thumb because it's much easier to do the controlled withdrawal sort of thing!

Shattered, my daughter still has her dummy for daytime (unless in the car) and nighttime sleep and no other times. My daughter turned 2 a couple of weeks ago and I decided that it was time to take it away, what a nightmare. She screamed and screamed, took an hour to go off for daytime sleep and nighttime and also woke about 4 times in the night. I let it carry on for 3 days and then gave in and gave it back to her, she has slept wonderfully since. I am definitely going to carry on using it for a while (!) and think I won't take it away until she's happy about it. I too hate seeing children (not babies) walking around with dummies in their mouth whilst trying to speak, etc, ie it's in most of the day and perhaps that's what your MIL meant, not for the comfort to go to sleep.

My dd is 21 months and has her dummy for sleeping only and I too thought I'd get her off it before she reached 2. However, as I am pregnant with new baby due in Sept do not want to change any routines just yet so think maybe 2.5 years is time enough to worry. At this age they just need to feel secure.

My twins are nearly four and show no signs of wanting to give up their dummies - which they only have in bed. The other night I said that when they stopped having them we could go to the toy shop and pick out a new toy. They both immediately gave me their dummies and said they didn't want them any more. Ten minutes later they were crying their eyes out and saying they couldn't sleep. I don't really mind as there are no ill effects - I just worry that they might get embarassed when they start sleepovers with friends - but I guess that might be the trigger to give them up. I say as long as you confine it to the cot/bed (and it's a strict rule in our house) it's not such a problem is it - certainly not worth trading a good night's sleep for.

Shattered , my first ds had his dummy until he was three, we had hoped to wean it off him earlier but he was almost two when I had my second ds and then we moved from oz to Ireland. we felt it best to wait until things had calmed down a bit,and he only had it for sleeping anyway. when he turned three and we figured he could cope, we talked about the dummy fairy who would come at night and take all the dummies out of the house and leave money in mummy's purse for a special present. It had to be something he could take to bed at night. I was a bit apprehensive as he LOVED his dummy and his baby brother was using one, but we got a tape recorder and some tapes for nighttime and he's never looked back. we will do the same for his little brother once we are over the return trip to Australia in a couple of months. I wouldn't stress yourself over it. you will generally get a feel from when he's ready. Good luck

Thanks everyone for your responses. I did read somewhere that children need their comforters until they're 3 or 4, and I was a bit shocked because I thought that dummies were supposed to be well and truly disposed of before that. In a way I feel better about it now, as ds is very fond of his dummy so I think I'll just let it go for a while. Both my nieces (3 and 1) suck their thumbs and take their little blankets with them wherever they go, so I suppose it's no worse than that.
Sometimes I think it's actually quite funny to see the before and after effects of giving him his dummy - it's almost like a drug! He gets a very peaceful, contented look on his face as soon as it goes into his mouth... bit like a glass of wine or a cigarette I guess.

My ds (is that right for son- I cant grasp all this jargon as I'm a novice!) is 16 months and mostly has a dummy for daytime nap and at night for sleep but he sometimes craves it in that awkward tired phase of early evening. If he finds one or can see one anywhere during the day - he desperately tries to get it, but I have tried to limit the time he actually has it. I've always thought that he would grow out of it towards two but if he gets so much comfort from it I cant see me prizing it away especially as I'm pregnant with number 2 now and feel I will opt for the easy option where possible.

Hughsie your ds sounds exactly like mine - if he sees his dummy anywhere through the day he goes beserk and wants it immediately. Because of this we always have to put it where he can't see it, so I generally put it in a cupboard or hide it behind something. This seems to work really well... out of sight, out of mind I guess.

I remember my health visitor saying that generally a child will give it up at 6 months or 3 years. I got my daughter (now 5.5) off hers when she was just 2 - this co-incided with Christmas and we hung it on the tree and santa took it and left loads of prezzies. We had a 4 hour car journey to Scotland the next day and she only asked for it twice. One week later she asked for it again and I said Ok and we will have to give Santa all those toys back - she never asked again.... My son lost interest around 7 months and never had one again. I still think dummies give you a little bit of peace now and again let's be honest they are not just a comforter for the child!!

I personally dont want my ds using it past age 2. My ds is now 21 mo and uses it at times during the day and always at night. Ill probally have a little more work with him then with the other two which stopped younger then two. Night time is the hardest to wean off the dummy. Every child is different and weans at different times. I think my 21 mo old would go crazy if I took his pacifier away from him now. But I understand how you feel Ive ask myself the same thing. Dont worry what others say because its your child and Im sure they do things that others might find annoying themselves. Its hard to give up your security things when youve had them since you were born. I dont think it looks weird for a two year old to have a dummy. This is just the age which I chose to try and end the dummy stage.

I agree with robbie. Better to have a sleeping child with a dummy than no dummy and a child who won't sleep! My ds's dummies are getting really old and worn but I keep resisting the urge to replace them. He's 3 yrs 5 mos so hopefully when they fall apart that'll be the end of dummies for him. I do sometimes feel bad about him still using a dummy but I think that's as much to do with what other people would think as what I think.

Why are we all such dummy snobs? I'm as bad as the rest. I have lots of pacifiers in my life - wine, cigarettes, hot baths etc and I'd go crazy if someone suddenly took them away. People are so snobby about sucking thumbs.

Anyway I'm as big a hypocrite as the rest because I've just taken my one year old ds's dummy away. He cried three or four times in the night when he couldnt find it and we got fed up with constantly getting up. I did it by taking it away in the day first for two weeks. then at night. Its hell getting him to sleep but once he's asleep he seems to sleep better

i meant people are NOT so snobby about sucking thumbs!

I'm not personally worried about seeing toddlers with dummies (or thumbs, or cuddlies). Mine uses hers for sleep, and when she's tired or ill - otherwise it just gets left behind. What I hate, though, is that dummy manufacturers seem to make them as bright, obvious, and totally enthralling to toddlers as possible. When dd was about 9 months we bought her new ones - and found that she wasn't settling at night. Eventually we realised that the dummies in question were 'glow in the dark' ones - she was playing with the darn things in the wee small hours. I mean, I ask you - 'glow in the dark' dummies?!

Wish they did dummies for men

Everyone will hate me for this message - as all the messages here tell of older children who still have dummies - but I just can't help thinking its awful seeing children who are quite happy running around in the playground with dummies in their mouths, which I see often. I have watched a child of about four at a playtable talking with a dummy in his mouth. I just can't see how it could get to this stage. I think when A child can walk around with one in its mouth then that is a good time to stop. Both my children were 'cruelly denied' their dummies at about 9mths and 13mths - they didn't like it much but after about a week of protracted wailing at bedtimes and thrashing about in the pushcair when out - tiredness took over and they got used to falling asleep without it. My first son got Thrush in his mouth from the dummy and I was told to catagorically get rid of the thing' by my doctor as it was just reinfecting him over and over again. My second son sleeps mcuh, much better without it and if he wakes at night he can get himself back to sleep without us having to stagger in and shove one back in again.

I don't want to put anyones back up - I just thought as all the messages are 'pro' I would offer the 'con' side!

Everyone will hate me for this message - as all the messages here tell of older children who still have dummies - but I just can't help thinking its awful seeing children who are quite happy running around in the playground with dummies in their mouths, which I see often. I have watched a child of about four at a playtable talking with a dummy in his mouth. I just can't see how it could get to this stage. I think when A child can walk around with one in its mouth then that is a good time to stop. Both my children were 'cruelly denied' their dummies at about 9mths and 13mths - they didn't like it much but after about a week of protracted wailing at bedtimes and thrashing about in the pushcair when out - tiredness took over and they got used to falling asleep without it. My first son got Thrush in his mouth from the dummy and I was told to catagorically get rid of the thing' by my doctor as it was just reinfecting him over and over again. My second son sleeps mcuh, much better without it and if he wakes at night he can get himself back to sleep without us having to stagger in and shove one back in again.

I don't want to put anyones back up - I just thought as all the messages are 'for' I would offer the 'against' side!

Everyone will hate me for this message - as all the messages here tell of older children who still have dummies - but I just can't help thinking its awful seeing children who are quite happy running around in the playground with dummies in their mouths, which I see often. I have watched a child of about four at a playtable talking with a dummy in his mouth. I just can't see how it could get to this stage. I think when A child can walk around with one in its mouth then that is a good time to stop. Both my children were 'cruelly denied' their dummies at about 9mths and 13mths - they didn't like it much but after about a week of protracted wailing at bedtimes and thrashing about in the pushcair when out - tiredness took over and they got used to falling asleep without it. My first son got Thrush in his mouth from the dummy and I was told to catagorically "get rid of the thing" by my doctor as it was just reinfecting him over and over again. My second son sleeps mcuh, much better without it and if he wakes at night he can get himself back to sleep without us having to stagger in and shove one back in again.

I don't want to put anyones back up - I just thought as all the messages are 'for' I would offer the 'against' side!

why has my message come up three times?!

None of mine had dummies, tried the last two but neither wanted one. My youngest who is now 6, has always had a favourite blanket, and has gradually weaned himself off this. He went from taking it everywhere, to only using it in the house, to just having it in bed and now it only comes out when he is poorly. I asked him when he was about 4 why he liked it and he said' I have it cos when things go horrid and I'm sad, it takes it all away' Sounds like a pretty good idea to me! Blanket anyone?

daisyroot your message will duplicate if you press refresh on your computer after you have posted.

daisyroot - I do agree with you but must admit that I have avoided posting on this thread for fear of being contraversial - but as you have dare'd to I will join you! I did use a dummy for my DS (occasionally) until he was 8 months; then I took it away and that was it (I admit I was probably lucky in that he didn't miss it). I too dislike seeing older children with dummies (or bottles, since I'm on a rant) but I do sympathise with parents who are unable to get their children to give them up. We have a 4 year old girl at the playgroup who still has a dummy nearly all the time; she is a really 'big' girl (also drinks out a baby beaker) and it does look ridiculous, how will she cope when she starts school in September?

My ds is 21 months old and has his dummy mainly for sleeping. But if he sees one, he wants it! He finds them EVERYWHERE. I walk out of the room for 10 seconds and by the time I return he's found one!!! He must be stashing them .

We keep telling that he's to leave his dummy alone coz he's not a baby anymore. It works sometimes, but the other day he found a dummy... then announced very seriously in his baby babble that he is " No a babeee" then proudly placed it in his mouth and walked off. he does take it out to speak (doesn't really help with translating though!! ).

I think I'll start hiding them now and only present him with one at bedtime.... I'll have to find all the damn things first though!!!!!