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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

ok so how do you cope when the answer to everything ifrom your 2 year old ds is "NO"

19 replies

charmkin · 26/05/2007 18:54

seriously need some help
he is cute but exhausting
very unreasonable
no sense of fear
screams blue murder the second he doesn't get what he wnats. no is fave answer even when there isn't a question
too little for stickers, steps, marbles

Please tell me is just a phase...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thedogsbollox · 26/05/2007 19:00

I think this usually happens when you go through a phase of using the word 'no' with them. They kind of copy it back at you

Try and reduce the amount that you say no to him, perhaps using distraction or just different words 'oopsie, that isn't for you' or 'come over hear sweetie' or any other silly words that will distract him. You should soon hear him using the new phrases too

They are like little mirror images at this age and just play your words right back at you, ime!

Original poster

charmkin · 26/05/2007 19:02

sometimes you need to say no
like when they are standing on the table
or trying to open the over

OP posts:

thedogsbollox · 26/05/2007 19:05

Instead of saying 'no' say 'get off the table', or 'do not open the oven', short sharp instructions, but not 'no'!

Honestly, it does work

sparklesandwine · 26/05/2007 19:14

i can sympathise with you charmkin my lo is at the same stage but what tdb is saying does work honestly, you'll have to persevere with it but it does work

HonoriaGlossop · 26/05/2007 19:41

I'd say that not being literal with them helps when they're like this.

for instance, don't say "eat your lunch" but try something like "you're not going to eat ALL that, are you? You'll pop!"

Turn things round to become a challenge and this often has an amazing effect. Instead of opposition and "NO" you get a child who wants to prove to you that yes they can do this or that...

With the screaming blue murder thing I would walk away the instant he does it. Withdraw attention completely so that he doesn't get ANY audience for it. I'd firmly tell him that you can't talk to him because you can't understand him when he's screaming, then IGNORE.

And I do agree, say No less yourself. I think it works to say yes even if you mean no, like "I want to go to the park" you could reply "YES, that would be lovely, wouldn't it, but first we're going shopping, I don't suppose you want to push the trolley do you??" etc etc that sort of thing. It is easy to fall into saying no all the time.

Of course it's just a phase too, it won't be forever!

Original poster

charmkin · 26/05/2007 19:42

he is only 23 months
can talk in full sentences but has cannot reason with him

OP posts:

Zog · 26/05/2007 19:43

Agree with DBX and would also add ignore/distract/remove/briskly overruling as possible techniques as well, depending on the situation.

tribpot · 26/05/2007 19:49

I have a very similar 23 month old, although fortunately he does have a sense of fear. I do find myself shouting NO all the time and it really is very wearing (and he of course says it too, although will also say 'yes please' - often about the same thing - it's very amusing).

I do try some of the distraction tactics mentioned, like he's obsessed with going on the train (big choo choo). So I always say "we'll go on the big choo choo on Friday, so he says "[ds] on big choo choo Friday" repeatedly. Fortunately he doesn't know what day Friday is, so we do go on the train generally once a week, but it might be Saturday, not Friday!

Will attempt the 'do not open the oven' tactic to see if this will work ...

Original poster

charmkin · 28/05/2007 17:32

am doing ALL of this
but is so exhausting
"mummy do it no ds do it no daddy do it" for everything
aslo have dd (7)
please tell me is normal phase...

OP posts:

FLIER · 28/05/2007 17:37

if you're doing everything that has been suggested, then he will eventually grow out of this phase......honest!

tribpot · 28/05/2007 17:51

It is exhausting, isn't it? Parental love is an amazing thing - if not for that ds would have been out on his ear and left at the nearest orphanage months ago

RedFraggle · 29/05/2007 10:54

All sounds very familiar Charmkin! My DD is just 2 and she went throught this phase a few months back. It is just a phase, she occasionally still does it, but it gets less frequent and the advice given by others is right. Ignore the screaming, just walk away and talk to yourself (or to a teddy / doll works really well with my DD) they get interested in what you are doing and soon forget their strop!
Regarding the constant "No" chanting, it is tiresome, but the less you use the word, the less they do too.
If your DS is climbing on the table (my DD loves to do this) just say "you are a very good climber, but a table isn't really safe for that. Shall we go to the park instead?" or if the park is not an option, build a cushion mountain in the lounge instead... Distraction is key.

TheArmadillo · 29/05/2007 11:02

I think its completely normal and it passes.

Ds is 2.7 now and rarely does it.

I just used to ignore him if necessary and carried on. Also rather than asking him I would tell him things.

The no sense of fear etc we are still working on

Tutter · 29/05/2007 11:04

it's ds's favourite word

in fact it's just about his only word

doesn't worry me - but makes me think i must try harder not to say it all the blardy time myself

americantrish · 29/05/2007 11:04

it is a phase but one to prepare you for what comes next...(the just before 3's stage!) but as your ds grows (mentally especially), you will be able to reason a bit better with him, he will learn what YES means (and maybe 'i dont know' too!) he will become more cautious, will probably still be sometimes unreasonable.

and as others advised (and i'm guilty of this a LOT too!) trying saving NO for when you really need it to make an impact.

take some time for you, too. its sometimes a rough adjustment for moms

ThomCat · 29/05/2007 11:04

Well my 5 year old does this but she has SN's so her behaviour is delayed.

I'll ask hger if she wants some fruit after her meal and she'll reply witht he usual 'no' and then almost int he same breath she'll say 'fruit, fruit please mummy'!

I'm not sure how you handle it to be hpnest, just grina nd bear it and get through it best you can, it is only a phase.

mamazon · 29/05/2007 11:04

make sure you ask questions hwere he can't answer "no"

instead of saying 2can you put your shoes on" say "whish shoes do you want to wear today? the blue or the red" etc.
it helps him feel as if he has some control and he can't answer no

Bowsy · 29/05/2007 20:51

My four year old was the screamiest two year old ever, with at least seven or eight full blown temper tantrums each day. Tried to stay calm and sane even though I was convinced that I was a terrible mother and now he's the loveliest most easygoing little thing. However, my third ds is two in July and has an even worse temper...

tribpot · 29/05/2007 21:16

Bowsy, I'm sure by now you have it cracked Ds will often say "no! Yes!" when asked a question, because his instinct is just to be difficult, even when faced with a question about something he wants to do, e.g. "do you want to go on the big choo choo today?" "NO!" "[sheepishly] Yes".

Hilarious.

The first hundred times

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