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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD asked THE question today...

22 replies

Hulababy · 24/05/2007 21:08

...oh why?!

Yes, 5yo DD was talking about friend's mums who have had babies recently or are recently pregnant. She was then asking when I would have another baby as she wants to be a big sister., and it wasn't fair as I have brother and sister, and daddy has a brother....and so on....

Well, after a few mumbles form me about maybe one day, etc. it movedon to THAT question. How mummy?!

Mumbled something about mummys and daddys, and special seeds and all that.

But how does it get in your tummy mummy? How do you put the seed in your tummy for it to start maming a baby?

Argh!

And at that point we arrived at the farm shop and it was time to get out of the car and go shopping, and the sight of the animals distracted her. Phew!

So, prepare me for this when if comes up again! What do I tell a 5yo?

They don't tell you about this stage when your are TTC do they!!!

OP posts:

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Ronniebaby · 24/05/2007 23:07

Hula - out of the mouths of babes

and I have no idea how you tell them

controlfreaky2 · 24/05/2007 23:09

fgs. tell them it straight, the truth, in simple language. or would you rather they were ignorant / heard it third hand at school / imagined something wrong??

chipmonkey · 24/05/2007 23:12

I had a large glass of wine and then told ds1. I was afraid he would get a very warped idea of what goes on from one particular neighbour's child.

Surfermum · 24/05/2007 23:12

Lol - dd (4) has been asking this recently and I've told her a little bit of Mummy and a little bit of Daddy mixed together in Mummy's tummy. I too was dreading the "well how does it get in there" but so far she hasn't asked, although she has asked "mummy, who else was in your tummy with me?" "No-one, darling, why?" "Well who got me dressed then?" .

wrinklytum · 24/05/2007 23:17

LOL. My mum always regales us with the story about db.

Mum was always very honest and open about sex,so she had described the stuff about Mummies and daddies loving each other and Daddy putting his penis in mummy etc etc,though she said that she thought that "sperm" might be a difficult concept for a five year old to grasp so she used the word "seed" instead.

DB listened solemnly to all this,thought about it and then asked

"Mummy?Why don't the seeds blow away?"

nappyaddict · 24/05/2007 23:38

my cousin had this dilemma a few months ago. we sat down and decided what she sould say.

we ended up with when a man and a woman love each other very much they do a special sort of dance where the man's willy goes into the ladies vagina because it makes them feel happy. Because the man is so happy his willy stands up and releases something called semen which contain sperm which are a bit like tadpoles. Girls have lots of eggs inside them and sometimes the sperm meets an egg inside the lady and a baby is made.

it seemed to go down ok anyway.

Zofloyya · 25/05/2007 00:01

why would you do anything other than tell her the truth in terms she can understand? why is that difficult? why would anyone dread the 'how does it get there' question? grow up darling!

luckymummy74 · 25/05/2007 00:09

sorry but I'm probably gonna get stoned for this (as in biblical terms, I'm not smoking a spliff ), but I think 5 years old is a bit young for all this. Blimey, they're not kids for long...

kamikayzed · 25/05/2007 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Hulababy · 25/05/2007 13:02

luckymummy74 - so how would you answer the question then? DD asked, she wasn't prompted.

controlfreaky2 - no I don't want her to find out th wrong stuff. BUT she is only just turned 5, so still very young. That is why I am asking - on what level does a 5 year old need to know?

Zofloyya - cheers for that; really helpful! I am thinking of on what level and what language here, not avoiding the truth for goodness sake. I don't need to grow up, but it looks like my baby might be! Having never been through this before I thought MN might be able to offer guidance here - obviosuly not if your post was anything to go by!

I will answer more fully next time, and did start to int he car, but we arrived at our destination sooner than that had finished. She became distracted by the farm animals, so yesterday was not the right time IMO.

Thanks for the other suggestions.

OP posts:

bananabump · 25/05/2007 13:34

Hmm, I'm assuming at 5 she knows that boys and girls are made differently? I have no idea if this is age appropriate, I think that's a judgement call on your behalf really! I would say something along the lines of:

Inside the mummy's tummy there are little tiny eggs which don't grow into babies until daddy gives them some seeds using his penis. So when a mummy and a daddy decide they want to have a baby, they have a special cuddle called sex. Sex is when the daddy puts his penis into a special baby making hole ladies have called the vagina, the seeds come out and then the baby starts to grow inside the mummy's tummy. Then 9 months later, the baby comes out through the same baby making hole, and it can be either a little girl or a little boy.

Of course, while I know it's what you're supposed to say, I probably wouldn't say vagina and penis because...because... I'm just too damn british. Okay???

katelyle · 25/05/2007 13:38

"They're not kids for long....."

Why would being given a peice of calm, factual information that they have asked for make any difference?

Surfermum · 25/05/2007 13:54

I'm very grown up thanks Zofloyya. I think you've probably misunderstood what I meant by dreading it. Like Hulababy, it was the timing of it - a conversation that was sprung on me, I hadn't expected it yet and I hadn't worked out what terminology I would use. There's also a bit of me that's dreading it because it means my little one is growing up.

Original poster

Hulababy · 25/05/2007 15:57

We are okay on the getting out bit. DD is very aware that babies can come out in two ways, and is completely unfazed by any of that.

OP posts:

Christie · 25/05/2007 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HonoriaGlossop · 25/05/2007 23:03

banana I liked your explanation, I think that's perfect for this age group.

it's funny but i don't seem to see this as the emotive issue that many do, I don't see that when my ds asks about this that it means he's 'growing up' or 'only a child for so short a time' etc, it's the same to me as if he was asking which are the inner planets or why Saturn has a ring or something...it's just factual information helping him to make sense of the world!

Honneybunny · 26/05/2007 19:52

I agree with you HG, that it is just factual info to help them make sense of the world. Also think that kids are curious by nature, and asking a question re. how babies are made comes purely from curiosity, and not because they are growing up rapidly, i.e. sexually, which seems to me to be behind some parent's reluctance to talk to their dc-s about this topic.
My ds1 is 3y5mo and so far has not asked "the question", but I am sure that when this time comes (and it will probably be quite soon, as he is very busy with the topic, as lots of his friend are having siblings atm and also my DB and DSIL are having their first) I will be able to give him a simple but frank explanation, something along the lines of what banana wrote.
I clearly remember my parents telling me, when I was about 4yo. This was prompted by a boy in our neighbourhood, who had found some porn mags and was telling stories to me, that i was lucky to have a brother as we could practise on eachother. My parents thought it was important for me and my DB (who was only 2 at the time) that we knew what really goes on: that it is a mummy and a daddy who love eachother very much that make babies together. My parents never had any inhibitions at all to talk about this with us, and i think this now helps me to think similarly about having this kind of conversation with my dc-s.
I think there's actually another thread quite like this one running on the 'parenting
topic, and some of the posters there have suggested some good books (ushborne?) that can help you explain to your dc-s if you are uncertain how to handle this.

Ceolas · 26/05/2007 20:11

My DD aged 7 has asked how does the baby get in your tummy? I said it grows from an egg that is in your tummy when you are born. She just accepted that but I suspect before this baby's born in August, there will be more questions.

We already know about the bag in which the baby grows and the hole it comes out of.

Will let you know what else transpires

Porpoise · 26/05/2007 20:18

Hulababy, bit late to this thread but I'd recommend just going with it.
Answer her questions honestly but don't overdo the details. If she wants to know more, she'll ask more questions.
And, trust me, it's SO much easier to tell them at this age when they just accept it simply and without embarrassment.

Justaboutmanaging · 27/05/2007 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Otter · 27/05/2007 21:40

do it while they are young its a doddle = sock i to em straight

katelyle · 28/05/2007 00:00

I agree, Honoriaglossop (btw, I think I'll change my name to madelinebassett) I thing people sometimes confuse innocence with ignorance.I think my ideal would be children who are innocently well informed.

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