4 year old naughty or attention seeking?

[northerncry]

Feeling so sad here this evening I'm after your thoughts ladies.
DD just turned 4 has been increasingly difficult over the last 6-9months...generally testing boundaries, not listening, repeatedly doing things she knows not to do (such as use sofa as trampoline, throw heavy wooden toys etc). I'm so sick of 'shouting' at her all the time it's getting me down...and possibly her?? This 2 week break from school has been in all honesty horrendous. It feels as tho she does naughty things for attention? Where am I going wrong? Our relationship isn't good anymore and she asks when dad is home from work constantly and looks thrilled when I tell her I am at work the next day etc 😢 She has also developed this strange little cough that she does all the time...almost like a nervous habit???
I've been doing some googling....is it as obvious as ignore the bad and praise the good? I'm really getting worried all my shouting has negatively impacted her and I need a new strategy to turn things around quick. She starts school this Sept.
I should add that nursery are having the same issues with not listening and following tasks when asked to (such as tidying up, get coat/shoes on etc)

This could be me with my ds also four. I'm sick of shouting, sometimes screaming. I feel like a pretty crappy mum right now.

I've tried time out, times in naughty step, calm down chair, reward chart, traffic light system, counting to give.

He just doesn't listen, I get annoyed I shout, he shouts back its getting ridiculous.

I plan tomo to try my best to stop yelling, even walk away and calmly talk to him, I'm stopping TV, I'm sure the more he watches the worse he gets, and more outdoor, after nursery Park library, garden a walk anything rather than TV.

He starts school this year too, he's fine and will behaved at nursery.

I'm sure it's a phase, for both us its so hard x

Hi! Aww this is like my house 😢 Nothing seems to be working. Certainly all the shouting and screaming is not helping...I start each day vowing not to do it then by lunch time I've lost it 😫 Feel like a bad parent...especially after the dreaded googling is now making me think she's actually attention seeking because she's feeling unloved and insecure. How is this parenting lark so hard?!! I felt like I was doing quite well, with a generally well behaved, polite little girl 9 months ago! Scary how quickly things spiral out of control too 😱

Just a random thought, but could it be her hearing contributing to it? DS similar age and has been referred to audiology with suspected Glue Ear. Seems pretty common at that age.

Sounds normal to me. I think its just that age. Best thing is to het out of the house as much as possible and let her use up some energy or just have a change of scene. My children started to calm down a good bit from around age 6 but still have their moments. Some things you have to be firm on but some things you can turn a blind eye to.

The ahaparenting.com website has some great suggestions for getting cooperation while also building a relationship with your child - also some great tips on managing our own anger.

My 4yo DD is similar at the moment. To be honest I bribe her, so "if you try really hard to behave and listen then we can have a special day out at the weekend" means she tries to behave & we also get to spend some nice time together! (Also nothing expensive I let her choose & she wanted to go for ice cream when it was dark outside so that's what we done!)

Kids are stupid they know what something’s up in the household..they sense mummy and daddy’s not happy..her playing up is more likely a factor of this..your shouting at her but daddy isn’t, daddy’s a hero ect...don’t blame your self look through your daughters eyes..tell him to step up and help you with her, he should help you to control your daughter.. it’s frustrating when kids see 1 parent that’s doing all the work as the villain and the other as the best parent ever. Been there done that. If she’s playing up and he’s in and doing bugger all, grab your coat and announce your away out and don’t know what you’ll be back..leave him to deal with her

As for trampoline all kids do that... you probably done it yourself..maybe get her into a hobby to excel all her energy and tire her out so she leaves your furniture alone..

Kids arent stupid...my phone and it’s correcting