out of control 3.5 yr old

[knat]

DD is a bright girl but very very explosive. She gets angry at a lot of things and goes berserk. This afternoon I had an hour of crying, screaming, hitting, pinching etc etc. I really dont knwo what to do. Weve tried ignoring, naughty chair, taking things away etc etc and nothing seems towork. Please help!!!!!!!!!!

HI Knat, we are going through the same thing with DS1 - has anything changed? diet, school, friends, move, new sibling?- I wondered, as you said she was bright, how she is getting on at pre-school, if she goes? Because DS1's home behaviour took a nose dive when he started there, and they say he is as good as gold when he is there, so we are trying to ease off on him at home as we reckon he is trying so hard at school his fuses are blowing at home. Also, we try to let him choose as far as possible a few things at home - ie tea, play things, activities, to give him some sort of sense of control after 3 hours in a school where he has no control at all. I am not sure if this will be any help, but you have my sympathy - it is a yucky stage adn i can't wait for it to end.

I agree with baffled.
DS gets very frustrated also. I try to keep things lighthearted at home. If he does loose him temper I try to give cuddles and help him understand whats upset him (usually not getting own way) and how else to deal with it. Also helping him understand that its not the end of the world if things don't go according to plan.

DT2 same age is similar at the moment, she is great most of the time and very loving, but when she gets tired, hungry (or worse, both!) she loses it and shouts, kicks, hits out - we tend to let her get it out of her system then give her a cuddle, reassure her we love her and move on. Trying to punish her doesn't work, it just makes it worse/flare up . I am convinced it is tiredness and frustration not a personality flaw - I hope I'm right !

x posts but I agree with mamma2kids!

THANKS. Shes doing alright at preschool but her behaviour is similar there (sometimes a little worse) although this week is an extreme. She wont have cuddles when she's angry. i find that choices can make things worse and be a starting point for her. She will not answer and say things like achoo (dont know where thats come from) or just have an out burst. I agree with the tiredness/hunger issue but this has been ongoing since she was about 18months! Better day today - lets hope for some improvement!!!!!

Knat, you have probably tried this already, but I find with DS that I have to give choices, but I limit them to only two choices because he can handle them and still feels a sense of control. Like: "do you want to eat a banana or an apple?"
"do you want to hold mummy's right hand or left?"

"do you want to play with crayons or playdough?".

Also, I don't want to make any assumptions - but is it possible that your dd needs a bit more direct attention from you in the form of playtime with her Mummy and that when she is having a full blown tantrum she has your full attention, so it has become a pattern for her?

rantum- appreciate the comments. The choices you have mentioned i give to dd - again they are limited like you say but still without much success. I perfectly appreciate your comment re attention but she does get attention at playtime (im a sahm) and i dont feel that they are attention seeking especially as generally i go out of the room if it happens. Also it can happen at strange times that just seem to make her explode (no rhyme or reason or pattern generally apart from when its something she doesn't want to do!)