Clingy baby

[Liverpoolmumof1]

Hi all

My little girl (21 weeks) has been unwell since birth. Fortunately, her health is now massively improved to our relief but she is very clingy. She has only just started to go to her dad!

I’ve managed to get her to settle in her chair or playing on the floor while I’m in the room and I’m quite happy with how she is at home.

The problem is, when we’re out I cannot leave her for a second! Just jumps at things that never used to bother her, she won’t got to anyone, even people she knows well, and she screams if there are more than a couple of people in the same room (she went to pieces the other day because my mum’s dog came within two feet of her).

Loads of people have said I’ve created the problem because I’ve give her too much attention and not allowed her to separate from me too much. I don’t regret giving her lots of attention while unwell but I do wish she would be more secure around family. How can I reassure her?

TIA

Your DD isn’t the problem. This is your problem:

*Loads of people have said I’ve created the problem because I’ve give her too much attention and not allowed her to separate from me too much. I don’t regret giving her lots of attention while unwell but I do wish she would be more secure around family. How can I reassure her?
*

Who are the people who suggest putting sone distance between you and a baby who is unwell or suffering from separation anxiety? They sound like utter knobs.

Mostly my husband’s family and a couple of friends.

I don’t want to put distance between us but I would like her to be more secure in general. Do you think it is separation anxiety? I thought she may be a bit young for that. X

I’ve always been very clingy to my baby and hence why she’s very clingy to me. I do not regret it at all!!!!

She’s always been quite grumpy and recently has improved and is becoming less clingy... they’re only babies for such a short period and if they are upset and by being near you helps them... I don’t see the problem in that.

Oh and... at 6 months my baby had separation anxiety and made strange with everyone but me and DH... this too shall pass :)

I agree with xamy. 6 months is definitely not too young for separation anxiety and the best way to deal with it is to be there for her and not to force her into doing anything she is uncomfortable with.

I had some criticism too but I —mentally told them to fuck right off— ignored their “helpful” advice.

Thanks. I think I’m just worried about her being to frightened or insecure to stay with them when I go back to work. It’s not for a few months yet but I’ve got visions of her screaming for me trying to leave.

She is teething too so that may not be helping with her fussiness. X

If she’s teething it’s ever likely she’s clingy. What are yiu giving her to help with the teething?

How old will she be when you go back to work and who will be doing the childcare?

I’m giving her paracetamol syrup, Ashton’s powder and dentinox teething gel.

She’ll be 2 weeks shy of her first birthday. I’m condensing my hours from 5 days to 4, my parents are having her 2 days, my auntie (she’s only 10 years older than me) is having her one day and by DH’s parents are having her one day. It’s his parents I worry about the most to be honest. X

If you’re giving her painkillers, try Ibruprofen instead. It’s much better for dental pain than paracetamol.

Is there a reason that you’re worried about his parents having her? Would 3 days be an option?

Yes, the last baby they were in contact with was my husband 32 years ago. DD HATES his mum and always has done since before the clinginess started. And (this sounds awful) his mum is significantly physically disabled. While I don’t think disability in itself is a barrier, the mother in law frequently tells my how she had to train my DH at the age of 6/7 months to get himself up and down the stairs and do all kinds. I really don’t want her to go there but his parents are insisting. I’m still figuring out a way to stop it without causing too much of an issue for DH.

There’s no way I can drop another day. I co-ordinate an entire service for the NHS which is a full time job. I’d have to give up my job completely which is financially imposssible. X

Right I’d be worried about sending my baby there too under those circumstances. Could LO do 2 days with your parents, one day with Aunty then one day at nursery? That way she’ll be used to Nursery should you ever need additional days.

I’d talk to DH and come up with a plan of what you both want, not what your MIL wants. Then when she mentions it again you can both present a united front.

Thanks, you’re right. We have to agree on an alternative x

Have you got the Wonder Weeks app on your phone? If not I’d suggest downloading it, it tells you which stage your child is at with mental development and 21 weeks is roughly the age of separation anxiety and being clingy with every baby, it’s called a “leap” when they are going through mental development and processing things to learn and this age is leap 5, that’s what it describes, you should read more about it and it may really relate to you and make things clearer

Thank you so much. I’ll have a look at it now. X