Negative behaviour at preschool

[madblackcat]

Help needed please. Our son is nearly 4 and started preschool in September and has been struggling with his emotions especially at transition time. He has started to lash out at teachers and other children to gain attention and is being really disruptive during his time at preschool. He is an only child and gets lots of love, encouragement and play at home. He doesn't behave like this at home. We are constantly being called in to see the teachers/head teacher about his behaviour, he will start big school in September and wanted him to have the best start. The teachers say that he is better in small groups. Anyone else had this and can share tips/advice. We have implemented a reward chart for kind hands and listening ears at nursery and fidget toys for carpet time. Do we take him out and find another setting? Is this just a phase. Thank you

It might well be a phase or it might be something more than that.

I know children who behaved like that at that age and after a bit of time they matured and are doing well now.

In my son's case it turned out he had autism - we had never noticed any major issues until he was put into a school environment - then it became clear he lacked the tools to cope. He is doing very well now at age 8 and has no behaviour issues at school. I would pay close attention to how the nursery say your son is getting on in comparison to other children.

Great post Vibe and glad your DS is doing well now.

mad did your DS go to any groups before starting pre-school?

Thanks Vibe for your message - when did you know it was autism - did your son have to move schools? Sorry for all of the questions.

Everyone - thanks for your message - yes, he was in a play nursery for 12months just a few mornings per week, we thought (rightly or wrongly) that he would be better in a preschool environment to give him the best start for school. Wondering now if we really should have left him in a play nursery setting and if its too much too soon. It is too late to move him to a more play based nursery for six months or leave him where he is and hope that the preschool can cope and he settles.

If he’s not settling, I doubt he’s getting much benefit. I’d just move him to somewhere that’s more play based if you can. Neither of mine did any real prep for school and are both doing very well although almost all childcare settings will do some things where he will have to conform, even if it’s just sitting on the mat while they have a story read to them.

Thanks Everyone - that is our worry that we are doing more harm than help. It is at carpet time and transitions that he is being disruptive and its also in the big groups. He is vying for attention and when he doesn't get it he hits out. Its so hard to know what is the best, we just want him to be happy at the end of the day.

Has the Pre-school had him assessed by their SENCO?

My son started school just before he turned age 5. His nursery was not very good in hindsight - I think they let him just play around while the others were doing nursery work and didn't bother letting me know he wasn't doing what the others were doing.

When he started formal school it was obvious something was up as he was getting very upset in the class and refusing to do everything he was meant to do.

I arranged for him to be privately assessed within his first few months of starting school and I was really upset when he was diagnosed with autism. This was because when I googled it everything seemed so hopeless. It turned out not to be so awful after all. Because of the diagnosis adjustments were made at school which reduced the stress for my son and meant he no longer got to the point where he snapped and got very upset. The most important of these were allowing him to have movement breaks as his body needed a chance to use up excess energy so he could regulate himself when he was back in the classroom. DS's occupatoonal therapist said many children with autism experience a build up of stress throughout the day and this can build up to a point of no return where thet snap. DS is encouraged now to take regular little breaks throughout the day to reset his stress levels - this has resulted in a huge improvement in his behaviour.

My friend's child had similar issues with behaviour and it turned out to be dyspraxia. A neighbour's child turned out to just have sensory issues. All are doing well now as they got help.

Having said all that, maybe your child will just mature and settle down. If you are concerned I would arrange to get him assessed. An occupational therapist can give good practical advice to you and the school as to how to manage his behaviour.

Hi @madblackcat how is your son getting on now? I'm currently experiencing the same with my son over lashing out towards other kids and adults during transitions and when it gets too noisy. We're struggling to find ways to help him cope.

Also @Vibe2018 how did you go about a private ASD assessment? How did you decide who to go with? And once you got a private diagnosis, did your DS's school then accept that and work with the diagnosis and recommendations? We're considering this as we think something is definitely amiss. I've been told by HV the waiting list for ASD is 18-24 months.