6.5 & 4 Year Old DDs

[crazypiglady]

Help! I'm at my whits end. The bickering is constant. It feels like every interaction is nasty. Yet when they're getting on, they can play well together for hours. My eldest in particular can be so horrible & I can't find any way to punish her that seems to have an effect. She's sent to her room, she has reduced screentime at the weekends, pocket money taken away. I try to model kindness, show her how to behave, but at times with my eldest it feels like I'm living with a stroppy teenager. I guess I'm asking 2 things...how can I get them to be nicer to each other & in particular how can I get my eldest to be kinder & less sassy with us & her sister?

Apologies in advance for stating the obvious, but if she hasn't always been like this, is it worth investigating to see if anything's going on at school with your eldest? There may be friend issues or other things that could be affecting her self-esteem and general happiness.
Vaguely relatedly, have you tried having time with just you and her? Maybe take her out for a hot chocolate or similar once in a while. Having three kids obviously leaves you that bit less time for each one (although as a multi-sibling-haver, it's wonderful!), and maybe she just needs a bit of extra attention.

Firstly I think it’s worth remembering that bickering is so normal for siblings of this age. I’m not saying you shouldn’t address it but I find it helps to remember that almost all kids do it!

You could try reading Siblings Without Rivalry for some good tips.