Nothing works to deter 6 yr old's poor behaviour

[Gingerlilly]

My 6 yo ds is driving us mad. He can be a lovely kid , plays nicely, goes to bed well, very loving but unfortunately he cant stop stealing (food and other items sometimes money) and he lies about it always. Whenever he does it he gets consequences either ban on treats, sent to room, we' ve even tried lines which he hates but it doesnt stop him from doing it. He is very sneaky and can palm things very easily as well as hide stashes all around the house in case he gets caught. He is top 8 allergies so I can sort if understand his obsession with getting hold of chocolate he isnt allowed to have but I always get him alternatives so he doesnt miss out. No punishment phases him and he'll just carry on and steal again even when he always promises not to. He is always at trouble at school for silly behaviour too (and stealing) and they have suggested he may be aspergers spectrum but I cant see it. Anyone going through the same, any advice or just nice to know Im not alone.

If the school have suggested he might have aspergers would you not get him checked out to be sure? What reasons did they give for thinking he might have it?

He might have aspergers or something else going on. If it is confirmed he does have something then he will get some understanding and help - and if its confirmed he has nothing going on then you have that reassurance and haven't lost anything.

I would take concerns raised by the school about these things quite seriously as they see your child in the context of many others the same age and something about his behaviour is standing out to them.

My 8 year old has aspergers and is doing well at school. My son has a fixation on food - especially junk food - he might very occasionally steal it at home but is more likely to beg and plead for it!

I know several other children with autism and they are all very different from each other and the issues they have vary a lot. Some would not immediately strike you as being autistic.

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Found it thanks!

Thanks for answering, the school have said that we have to have an early help assessment which doesnt just look at ds but the whole family- i find this invasive and Im not keen as we are fine as a family, just normal. They wont do anything else but the whole family approach in our catchment area. Its all got much worse now as I have been told this morning ds has damaged something at school (not sure how, it is impossible to damage the item with just his hands which they have said he has) and now they are sending me an invoice to replace the item. I've had it with them and then today he is in trouble for spitting which he has NEVER done before. He says he doesnt know why he did it. They always look so disgusted and angry when they are telling me about any of his misdemeanours it is really upsetting as I feel they just want him out.

You might find it invasive but none of us are perfect and the assessment might spot things you need help with. I'd take anything on offer to get things moving.

Or if the assessment doesn't find issues at home will they look more at your son's behaviour then? Could you go to a GP to discuss any concerns about his behaviour and tell the GP the school have mentioned aspergers?

Being diagnosed made a significant improvement to my son's behaviour - as adjustments were made and he was taught skills to cope. We used to hear frequently from the school about incidents where my DS misbehaved but since he got help there is almost no incidents - just very rare, minor incidents.

You are "fine as a family, just normal," yet you have a 6 year old who is driving you mad, steals on a regular basis at home and is constantly in trouble at school.

Don't dismiss what the school has suggested. Autism/ Aspergers presents in many different forms. Those that have it and are undiagnosed are very often considered badly behaved and are much misunderstood. This can have a detrimental impact on their long term mental health.

Co-operating with the school and having his behaviour investigated may result in your son getting support he is not getting at the moment and his behaviour improving as a result.