Not coping with 1 yr old

[Smarshian]

My 1 yr old dd who I love to bits is causing me issues.

She just seems to cry/whinge constantly and it's really getting to me. I feel like I'm a terrible mother and trapped at home.
She will whinge whenever I put her down even to go to the toilet/make her food etc. She hates being in the car/pram so I feel like I struggle to go out as she just screams and it's really stressful. I try to take her to local baby groups most mornings and she is usually pretty good at those and gets involved but as soon as we're home she just whinges at me. We have plenty of toys and when I'm playing with her she is sometimes ok for a bit but soon gets bored.
She won't let me hug her, just wants to be carried around.
She sleeps well at night, usually 11 hrs and has 1 nap in the day about 1.5-2hrs.
She also eats very well. Any advice? I feel like it's starting to impact on my mental health.

Is she overtired? If she’s just turned one, could she maybe be doing with 2 naps in the day? If she’s closer to 2, maybe putting to bed earlier so she’s getting longer at night.

The clinginess is probably just a phase but it’s really stressful when they won’t be put down. Have you tried a sling? You can carry her in the house and get bits done and use it to get out and about if she doesn’t like the pram.

She gave up her 2nd nap quite recently. Just started refusing it completely.
I'm 15 weeks pg at the moment so can't really carry her in a sling (she's also on the 98th centile weight wise so quite heavy to carry).
I just feel like I need a break at the moment. My DH is usually pretty good at taking over and giving me a break but he's been away for a few days with work and I'm really starting to feel it!

The second nap thing could be a phase, mine went in and out of the second nap. On the days of one nap, I put to bed early. They are all different but I know my DC would have been tired at 1 on the sleep you describe and behave in the same way, all clingy and wanting to be picked up all the time.

Slings are ok to use when pregnant and you can get some great toddler ones which would be fine for a big baby. Just thinking if you are carrying her a lot anyway, you might as well do it more comfortably and at least have hands free. It might stop you feeling so stressed at keep having to pick her up.

It’s really hard being pregnant looking after a baby

No concrete advice, but I've got a clingon too, and I totally get how wearing it is. I love her to absolute bits, but this morning I almost had a little cry because she would only have her breakfast on my lap (she's refused her high chair and has had all her meals on my lap for about a month) and I just felt like I needed to walk around on my own for a couple of minutes (even just to put the bloody laundry on!).

Have you tried wearing her on your back instead of your front? It could be a lot easier on your back and won’t get in the way of your bump. Sounds really wearying, I hope things improve.

The rule I always go for is kids crave attention, and if they are acting out or being clingy the best and fastest cure is to reassure them with more attention. Once they feel secure and loved they have the confidence to face the world more independently. I know your tired, and it’s really hard, but try get a day off , or even an afternoon with a babysitter and take that time to relax. Then come back refreshed and ready to shower her in attention and play with her and cuddle until she feels secure and ready to be more independent. This may only take a couple of hours or maybe days, possibly longer I guess but it’s the best cure I have found.

Thing is when the new baby gets she will become clingy and regress in her behaviour (cry like a little baby, want to be cuddled and carried like the baby, regress in potty training). So if things are bad now they will just get worse. On the other hand if you shower her in attention so she feels secure and happy when the baby arrives, she will be able to better deal with the sudden lack of attention she is bound to get when baby first arrives...just of course make sure she gets her own special one on one time every day as soon as you feel able.

Pansy I agree, usually when they become clingy they are telling you they NEED to be picked up/held more, it’s usually linked to a developmental leap and just a phase but the more you can hold them the quicker it normally passes as they’ve had their needs met.

Sometimes accepting it and telling yourself it won’t be forever can help you to cope, so instead of keep trying to put them down/trying different toys/different places to put them, etc just say to yourself that they need to be carried (sling will help) and wait for it to pass, which it will, although I know it feels never ending.

My DC1 and DC2 didn’t regress in behaviour at all or become more clingy when DC2/3 arrived though, although I know it’s common for this to happen.

I was probably very lucky but I never did the ‘big boy/big girl’ thing either which possibly helped as there was no expection to be big/grown up so no need to want to be the baby. I suspect they would have been pretty good no matter what I would have done but I think some small things did help too.