Difficult 4 year old

[Areyoufree]

My 4 year old DS is slowly driving me crazy. The worst times are bed times, so I suspect he is overtired, but he won't listen, won't go to bed (can take up to 2 hours to get him to settle). Nothing works. The other thing is that he keeps on wetting himself. He can just be happily sitting there in a pool of his own urine. The other day he pooed himself, and never mentioned it. Obviously we don't punish him for it, but it is getting really frustrating, and I don't know how to handle it! It only happens at home, not preschool, so it isn't accidental. He just can't be bothered to go to the toilet. If he does wet himself by accident (which is obviously going to happen, he's only just 4!) he is upset and apologetic. But when it is 'deliberate', he just laughs at us. He's a bit Jekyll and Hyde - the sweetest, loveliest boy in the world, then suddenly an absolute nightmare! His preschool have experienced the monster on a couple of occasions, and were shocked.

Any tips?

The wetting/pooing himself - I had a child who couldn't be bothered and wasn't ashamed too. What worked for us was not punishment exactly but pointing out the "natural consequences" - I made a big deal out of all the time it took me and her to get changed, clear the mess up etc. I pointed out if she'd gone to the loo and we hadn't had to do all that clearing up, I could have read her a story or she could have played with x toy but now there was no time and anyway I felt too cross. Then conversely when she did go to the loo I said great, now we have time for a story or game and I feel happy with you.

Bedtime - yeah tired bedtimes are awful, we had that too, Bring bedtime earlier if you possibly can. Or an occasional nap maybe?

It only happens at home, not preschool, so it isn't accidental.

My DC have both had way more accidents at home than at pre school. But a) preschool remind them or even take them to the loo really frequently and b) preschool is in the morning, they are more tired in the afternoon. So it doesn't necessarily mean it's on purpose.