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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

8 weeks old - too little for own room?

85 replies

julezboo · 09/04/2007 20:32

Hey all

quick question my 8 week old keeps getting his arms stuck in his crib in our room, he is too big for his moses basket so we are considering putting him in his cotbed in his own room. What do you think?

Im a bit wary with him being so young (my first co slept with me till 12 months but then i was single then and didnt have a DP taking up all the room in the bed!!

We could move his cotbed to out room but theres not really room!

TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hannahsaunt · 11/04/2007 16:37

Since I nearly stood on ds1 at 8wks old (in carry cot beside bed; so criminally tired that it took me a couple of seconds to realise what I was about to put full weight on) that we decided to move him to his own room for his own protection from his catatonic mother. He survived

Elibean · 11/04/2007 17:26

dd1 went into her own room (next door to ours) at 5 months or so. I cried and felt odd that night, but it was fine from then on in: neither of us slept better or worse really, just was nice to have more room to move and felt right.

dd2 has a floppy larynx and was seriously ill with bronchiolitis at 4 weeks old: she is a very noisy breather, and part of me would love her outk, but no way. Her room is right down the other end of a long passage way (daft layout, no options to change), and she has reflux as well as the larynx problem: doesn't feel safe enough, even if it is. She's 4.5 months, it feels too early still for her/us - I think its a very individual thing, and I'll know when its right and feels 'safe'. Hopefully

And I'd rather crawl to the end of my bed to get her for a feed than stumble to the end of the passageway at 5am anyway.

daisyhun · 11/04/2007 20:28

I'm wondering the same thing with my dd who is 11 weeks and sleeping through the night so I can't see the point in her sleeping in our room any more - would have v sensitive baby monitor on so would surely hear the same as if she was in the room with me?

Also don't want her to get used to being in our room and then having bother trying to get her to drop off in her cot later - has anyone had to conquer this?

majormoo · 11/04/2007 20:40

We moved DD into her own room at 7 months and I think we did all sleep much better once she had moved out! Ds is still in with us at 6 months.Personally I would always go with the FSIDs recommendations-6 months isn't long to have them in your room. However, a cousin of mine died of a cotdeath years ago, so I am quite paranoid about these things.

Lovecat · 11/04/2007 21:40

Not sure why there's all this vehemence on the subject - each child is different and you can only go with what you feel is best for them and you.

My dd went into her own room at 4 weeks old - she was sleeping fine, it was me that was getting woken up by every little snuffle and I too was catatonic with sleep loss (never actually trod on her but one night I fell asleep with her in bed with me I was so zonked and could have squished her...).

Also our reasoning was that the walls of our house are so thin that we could hear her every noise through the wall anyway, and it took me just as long to stagger next door and plug her onto the nip as it did to fanny about in the dark, tripping over the cat, to get to her carrycot at the end of the bed!

I suppose I'm going to get slated now for allowing the cat in the room...

harpsichordcarrier · 11/04/2007 21:47

lovecat, because people feel strongly about the FSIDS recommendations because it is about protecting babies from cot death. I would have thought it is fairly obvious why people are vehement

Hulababy · 11/04/2007 21:49

I wouldn't. Think it is too little, and goes against most recent FSIDs guidance.

Lovecat · 11/04/2007 21:58

Harpsichord, are you inferring that people who don't sleep with their kids in the same room as them for the first six months are somehow uncaring about cot death?

I find that extremely offensive, and it's that sort of remark on this thread that led me to make my (rather mild) point about vehemence.

Everyone is different. That goes for babies as much as their parents, what works for one will not work for another and I am mildly tee-ed off with you and others on this topic trying to make other mothers feel guilty and worried about their choices.

Goodnight all, wherever you end up sleeping tonight

Peridot30 · 11/04/2007 22:01

With ds he was about 16wks when we moved him into own room and with dd she was about 10/12wks. Think its whatevers best for you and your child. Both mine slept throught the night from 7wks and sleeping in their own room was easier for my kids.

emwad · 11/04/2007 22:02

Under no circumstances would I, however, I did lose DD2 to cotdeath in 2003. The latest guidelines suggest you have your baby with you for daytime sleeps until they are 6 mths, not just at night.

My DS (18 wks) sleeps in a swinging crib downstairs for all naps and we take him up to bed when we go, to a cotbed in our room. We have an apnoea alarm attached to him which we can hear all through the night but I wouldn't have it any other way, at least until he is 6 mths. Even then I would be reluctant.

Lio · 11/04/2007 22:18

oh emwad I am so so sorry to learn that

harpsichordcarrier · 11/04/2007 22:26

emwad, I am very sorry for your loss.
"Harpsichord, are you inferring that people who don't sleep with their kids in the same room as them for the first six months are somehow uncaring about cot death?"
good grief, what a tasteless and ridiculous statement. I was answering your question about why people feel strongly about the advice about sleeping in the same room as your baby. pretty obviously, some people have been very closely affected by cot death. I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty. I was answering the OP.
Am I "trying to make people feel worried about their choices" - well, possibly. The FSIDS guidance has saved lives, lots of them. I don't really apologise for making people aware of them, no.

juuule · 11/04/2007 22:29

Our dd was a near-miss cot death (on her hospital notes). I would never not have my baby in the same room until at least six months. We only realised that she was having difficulty because dh heard one strange noise from her in her cot (she never made another sound in all the time until she stabilised several hours later in hospital). I'd just fed her, nipped to the loo. If she had been in her own room, he wouldn't have heard the noise, I would have just gone back to bed and the first we would have known would have been when we found her in the morning. So, given that experience - no, I have kept my babies close until at least 6m.

MadamePlatypus · 11/04/2007 22:45

I got into a bit of a tizz when DD was born re: daytime sleep and the new advice. I was worried about how she would sleep with DS rampaging around. In fact it wasn't really a problem - most of the time she slept when we were out and about, and managed to fall asleep quite happily around the house. However, I e-mailed the FSIDS and they sent a very detailed reply very quickly, taking into account all my concerns. Having just read quotes in newspapers previously, I was very impressed with their response and the fact that they took my e-mail seriously.

I don't think anybody really understands SIDS and why things like sleeping in the baby's room reduces the risk. All they can say is this is the best advice we can give. I know many people whose children sleep in their own room from a few days old - that is their decision. However, I think it is uneducated to imply that FSIDS is just some organisation giving out random advice for the sake of it.

Sorry for your loss Emwad and congratulations on your DS.

lillochum · 11/04/2007 22:45

The trouble is that once you know there is a risk of cot death you feel like you would never forgive yourself if you "did what was right for you" and you lost your child. I do think that we over-protect children rather these days, but cot-death is a risk that is harder to judge than say your 2 yr old climbing a tree isn't it? Personally I put DD1 in her own room at 3 weeks, as the cot-death risk wasn't known then, but my other 2 children stayed in my room for the first 6 months as per rules! I don't think it affected their sleep either way, but who is to say? If space allows when you do move them to their own room I really recommend having a spare single bed next to the cot, so that you can crash near them on bad nights, say when they are ill.

lucyellensmum · 11/04/2007 22:50

my dd is 20months, she is still in the cot, right up against our bed, i have to climb into bed, sometimes she wakes up and needs me to hold her hand, our sex life is shit,HV says i should put her in her own room but you know what - I am not ready, thats just me, i still sit and watch her and make sure she is still breathing. DD1 was over two when she moved from our room, she was fine with it. But its a q of whats right for you, i think you should stick to the six month guideline, these recommendations are made on the back of valid research. Its a one in a million chance thank god but its not one i would want to make a 1.000005 in a million chance with my most precious baby.

mymama · 12/04/2007 00:33

Only just come back to this. at unsafe! What is unsafe about it? What is going to happen? If you are all talking about SIDS my db is a police officer and attended a couple of SIDS deaths where the baby was having a daytime nap in the cot in the parents room with mum napping on the bed nearby .

My decision was based on the fact that dd1 (eldest) slept in our room for 2 months and I got up to every sniff and whimper and drove myself completely insane.

Can I lose the "bad mummy" label if I used cloth nappies, weaned at 6 months and breastfed to 18 months??

mymama · 12/04/2007 00:38

Just to add, SIDS is a silent death. That is the tragic thing about it. What is achieved from having the baby with you - will you hear the danger somehow?

welliemum · 12/04/2007 01:37

mymama, the figures show that babies who sleep alone have a higher risk of cot death than babies who don't.

No-one knows exactly why this should be- that's the next step in cot death research. But the figures are very clear.

It's still up to parents to make their own decision. There's no need for you to feel defensive, no-one's criticising you at all.

But anyone making this decision has the right to be well-informed, even if they ultimately choose to go against the advice.

mymama · 12/04/2007 04:50

The age for SIDS has been raised to the age of 5 in Australia. What happens for children over 6 months of age?

ChocolateTeapot · 12/04/2007 05:02

We moved our snuffly, snorty DD at 6.5 weeks but that was before the current 6 months advice. DS got moved at 4 weeks after we'd wake up in the morning with him in our room , DH on the sofa and me in his room - noisy sleeper doesn't really sum him up, babysitters used to be quite worried about the sounds coming out of the monitor if I didn't pre-warn them !

I was aware of the 6 months guidelines with DS and completely see the logic of the breathing regulation theory but decided that we couldn't carry on as we were so he went into his own room. We had a breathing monitor for him which made me feel a little better about it, though I know that they certainly are not fail proof.

If someone asked me for my advice I would always say that the current guidelines are 6 months as I feel it is important that people know this, but ultimately it is up to an individual to make up their own minds given all the information available. Mymama, the incidence of cot death does decline sharply at 6 months though doesn't it ? . Julezboo, I think you have to just read the facts and make your own decision based on them.

Emwad I am so sorry for your loss

juuule · 12/04/2007 08:45

Mymama - "What is achieved from having the baby with you - will you hear the danger somehow? "

That is exactly what happened in our case. If we hadn't had dd in our room, then she would not be here now.

harpsichordcarrier · 12/04/2007 08:50

yes mymama, you might hear something. one theory is that, in small babies in particular, they can somehow "forget" to breathe and having someone in the room with them "reminds" them.
this is a vastly unscientific explanation but I hope you get the gist. and the research is quite clear that is does reduce risk, for whatever reason.
newborn babies are developmentally not terrifically well adapted for life in the outside world tbh.

powder28 · 12/04/2007 09:07

Ds2 is 12 mnths and he still sleeps in my room. But we have a two bedroom house and ds1 has his own room.
I have monitors for both.

TuttiFrutti · 12/04/2007 09:34

I put both of mine in a big cot in their own room from day one. The room was next door to ours so I could hear noise easily.

The main reason was that I didn't want to wake dh when I got up to do night feeds. If they are in their own room, you can turn on a light, get comfortable on a chair and read a book (well that's what I did).

I think you just have to do whatever works for you.

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