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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help...bedtime prolems with 23 month old

26 replies

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 08:46

I really am after some advice on how to help my dd3. She'll be 23 months next week. After a long haul of sleepless nights from birth and dislike of nap and bed time we finally got it all sorted 4-5 months ago.
She has a bed time routine of sorts ( bath most nights but occasionally she may miss it til the morning) followed my a pre-bedtime snack ( nothing sugary), pyjamas on, book reading followed by taking her upstairs with her friends ( multiple cuddly toys) to have a bottle of milk and then music tape on whilst she goes in her cot.

Now for months this has been working fine, occasionally she may have complained slightly as we left the room, but within minutes she would be talking to her friends and then gradually go to sleep.

For the last week whenever we put her in her cot she goes absolutely crazy..in fcat even as you take a step towards it she will stifen and start to cry. Whilst in the cot she screams herself hoarse..really high pitched screaming at the top of her voice, causing coughing fits and her to be out of breath. So far we have tried just settling her back down but she cries so hard and is sooo upset - it's not like she's playing up, it's like she is panicked!!
Lst night when I went to sit in her room in the dark she stopped crying and talked to her toys ( she tried to talk to me but i didn't engage in converstation) she was like that for about 25 mins, but when I got up to leave it all kicked off again. To top this off she is waking at 6-6.30 in the morning again upset and crying, whereas she used to be sleeping til about 7.30-8am. When she wakes she look exhausted.

I'm at a loss to see what has changed for her? Please help!!!

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growingbagpuss · 30/03/2007 08:57

Hi - my ds did something similar at about the same age - from going to bed very happily to screaming the moment we went to leave, waking 3-4 times a night for 40-50 mins a time, and also waking v early.

We could find no physical cause, but put it down to a sudden insecurity. Nothing had changed at home, or in his routine, it just HAPPENED.

We tried leaving him, getting him up, night lights, drinks, changing nappies.... nothing made any difference.

In the end, we would go on the first time, check he was physically ok, offer him a small drink, then usng the SAME WORDS each time, reassure him, and leave.

We then took turns in sitting outside his room, repeating the same words til it went quiet. We said something like " you're fine, settle down, night night" and just repeated it...

We did the same in the night (although you said your dd3 isn't waking in the night - lucky you!!) and I think we did the same in the morning if we were able to - it depended on if I was going to work and ho early it was.

It took about 2 weeks from start to finish to get him settled again - and now he is back to leaping into bed as soon as we have finished bedtime songs!!

Hope this is helpful

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 09:06

Thanks growingbagpuss - in fcat dd3 did wake up at 2.30am yestaerday and i was so tired i just caved in and got her milk...which always used to gurantee a quick return to her cot..this time she still yelled for about 5 mins.
In one way hearing her cdry like this makes me and her dad so upset that we'd do anything to get her calm and sleeping happily. But in another, we have had such a long hard journey to get our evenings back that I don't want to start any kind of complicated routine that will wreck all that and cause a rod for our backs..
She looks shattered today...oh she does the same thing during the day, althogh not quite as deranged as at night.

Thanks for your message, i'm glad you ot ds sorted.

OP posts:

powder28 · 30/03/2007 09:07

Our ds was a bit like that so we turned his cot bed into a bed and changed the room around a bit and he seems fine now. Do you think she is ready for a bed?

growingbagpuss · 30/03/2007 09:14

That does sound v much like our ds - his day time sleeps were stuffed as well - but I think coz he was over tired.

It wasn't complicated - we jst faded the whole thing out as he settled down, and although it was a little hard to start, we remembered (as I'm sure u do) that its the long haul that pays off

How frustrating for you to just get thing settled - I understand why anything else sounds like a nightmare!!

LedodgyCheapEasterEggsAreASin · 30/03/2007 09:16

I'd put her in a bed now tbh, she's old enough and won't feel as trapped.

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 09:22

Hi POwder28 - I'm hoping she doesn't want a bed yet, she has loads of room in her cotbed , but for some reason has always scrunched herself up in the top half lying across the top rather than feet pointing down!!

I think if she was put in a bed now she would be out of it every 10 secs!!

Growingbagpuss - I do know what you mean about the longhaul, and believe me 2-3 weeks is nothing compared to the months where I was not available in the evenings to do anything as I would be bf'ing or cuddling her to sleep and then waiting for the two hrly wakeup yells!! I think I used to see DP for about half an hour a night and then collapse into bed knowing I would be up 4-5 times...
Her dad is absolutely devoted to her and it's screwing him up more than me to hear her so upset - but although it breaks my heart to hear her I don't want to start a routine that she will grow to depend on again. Your advice of settling her and then just going in once seems good. Anyone else??

OP posts:

MrsFish · 30/03/2007 09:30

Does she have a night light?

DS used to sleep in the pitch black no problems, he then went through a phase of waking up and screaming and not settling, he has been fine again since we introduced a night light.

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 09:54

Hi MrsFish

I did try the nightlight thing last night - it made no difference. The only thing that would stop her screaming was if me or DP were in the room ( even if silent in the dark).

OP posts:

powder28 · 30/03/2007 10:00

Does her cot convert into a bed? You could take the bars off and see how she reacts. If she isnt ready you can just put the bars back on.

MrsFish · 30/03/2007 10:03

As much as you don't want to put her in a bed, maybe it is time?

If you are having problems getting her to sleep anyway wouldn't it be worth starting to settle her in the bed, otherwise you may just have this battle all over again when she eventually goes in the bed anyway. The change may do her good.

I really hope you resolve this soon

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 10:03

Powder28.yes it does convert - but it's such a scarey thought to have her able to roam free around her bedroom in the dark. Do you know I can't even remember the transition for dd2, and with dd1 was 14 years ago....guess i may have to bite the bullet.

OP posts:

MrsFish · 30/03/2007 10:06

I know it is scary, we are going to put ds in a bed when he turns two in June as we have another on the way. Have a night light in the room, at least if she gets out she will be able to see where she is going.

growingbagpuss · 30/03/2007 10:10

oooh... beds.... we waited until ds was just over 2 and WELL over the funny night thing. Bad enough with screaming babe let alone one who can get out of bed... sorry - think that is a v bad idea!! (sorry Mrs Fish)

I would say don't change anything fundamental right now- nothing is going to work on the first night - but I really think taking the side off the bed could add to your troubles!!

powder28 · 30/03/2007 10:12

Just secure her room so she cant pull anything over or injure herself. I was worried about ds hurting himself, but he seemed to relax once we took his bars off. He falls out of bed sometimes but i just put him back in and he goes back to sleep. I also have one of those tv monitors so i can see what he is doing. Its a summer one I think. I bought it from jojomamanbebe. A good investment becasue then you dont haveto keep going in and checking them.

powder28 · 30/03/2007 10:13

He also has a dim light on in his room in case he does get out of bed.

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 10:15

Hmmm... I'm torn really. I wanted to keep her in her cot for at least another 6 months really...I think you've all given good advice, but I will try to setlle hjer whilst still in the cot for another week or two I think before taking that decision. I really think she'd be pulling her room apart!!

OP posts:

powder28 · 30/03/2007 10:20

TBH only you will know when she is ready. Good luck

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 10:28

Does anyone know why she would suddenly be like this thogh..is it a development thing?

OP posts:

powder28 · 30/03/2007 10:40

Yes, our ds was sleeping fine til about the time you said. You have to try differnt things til you discover what make sthem sleep better.

growingbagpuss · 30/03/2007 10:44

We felt - once we'd gone through all the physical stuff that yes - it is just a developmental thing - and some go thru it and others don't.

Its not about what you have or haven't done, its a brain thing - suddenly the babe goes from not actually realising they can "keep" themselves awake - or more to the point they become aware that maybe they "can't" go to sleep combined with that charming terrible 2's (don't know about you,but our t2's started at 1!!) and a little bit of natural insecurity about being a real person, and separate from Mummy etc....

Good luck - really must go now, and acutally do something to my tip of a house b4 ds comes home from nursery!

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 10:48

Thanks everyone..I'll keep you posted on how it goes...

OP posts:

mamma2kids · 30/03/2007 13:02

Hi DD has just gone into a bed (2 today!)
Its easier to get her to sleep as I sit on the floor with my head on her pillow next to hers (just think of it as yoga) until she is asleep or very nearly. Make sure she is properly tired before going to bed.
Beds are also easier when they wake at night as you can climb in with them for a few mins then tiptoe out (although I usually just nod off).

powder28 · 30/03/2007 16:49

Happy birthday to your daughter, mamma2kids!

Original poster

mumto3girls · 30/03/2007 16:52

Yes - happy birthday to your little one!!

OP posts:

MrsFish · 11/04/2007 11:13

How's it going mumto3girls?

Have you cracked it yet?

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