4 year old can't answer questions or conversational, autistic?

[Ryanbrit81]

Our 4 year old son has been assessed for developmental delays for over a year and they have still yet to make a diagnosis. I guess because a he does so many things as "normal". Loves role play, very imaginative, extremely affectionate and loving.

He tries playing with his peers although as he cant converse sometimes the other kids look at him a little strange because of the babbling. He has plenty of words and starting to put 2 - 4 word sentences but can't answer simple questions like "what did you do at school today?" "what is your favourite TV show" etc even though he knows the answers.

He has some fine motor & sensory issues but aside from that if it wasn't for the the lack of conversation you wouldn't think he was any different.

The paeds, psychologist, speech therapists and OT's don't tend to think he is autistic but we believe he may be on the spectrum.

All we want is to do the best for him regardless. Has anyone else had a similar experience who can advise?

No advice I'm afraid but I have a friend who DC has a speech delay. Interestingly she said that she had it too when she was younger. The DC concerned doesn't appear to be on the spectrum and given the family history the SLT has said that it'll just develop at a different rate.

I suppose with autism it is the whole spectrum idea and it might be tricky to diagnose at such a young age? Perhaps when he/she starts school there'll be some more information to go on based on how they interact with different/new people, deal with the change in environment etc?

Hi Ryanbrit81

I know this post is 2 years old but I wonder how your son is doing now. Mine is exactly the same and has just turned 4. He doesn’t have usual Autistic characteristics and is exactly like you described your son. they think he might be on the spectrum. I just wondered how your son is progressing now? Thank you so much.

If the only concern is his speech then it is unlikely to be autism, autism is not a language disorder.

It’s not just the speech. He doesn’t answer our questions. Even simple questions.

@MGF1 You said that your child is like the one from the original poster, so he has just started to put 2 - 4 word sentences together which is a very significant speech delay in a 4 year old (2.5 year olds are expected to do that). Does he answer yes/no questions? or if you give him a choice? like "you do want the apple of the banana"? I wouldn't have expected him to able to answer anything more complicated than that if he is lacking the vocabulary. Before a child can answer open ended questions he will need literally thousands of words and start putting together complex sentence structure (multiple pronouns, adverbs, tenses, etc) through spontaneous speech. A typical 4 year old would be speaking in sentences, over 10+ word sentences and have the ability to narrate in order to answer more open ended questions which your son does not seem to have yet. If it is autism there will be many many signs by 4 years old, many more reliable signs than a lack of speech or ability to answer questions.

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Hi - I’m so sorry I’ve only now noticed there have been replies to my original post. So for what it is worth (3 years late) he is doing very well.

He was diagnosed as ASD which in a way has been a blessing as we have managed to get a statement so he gets all the support he needs at school.

Naturally it is a spectrum disorder and we are fortunate he is highly functioning. He caught up with his speech, continues to be very loving and caring and is generally a very happy little boy.

I guess the one thing is he hasn’t built any strong friendships. By all accounts he is popular in class but he doesn’t make the effort to reciprocate. It’s strange really as he always wants to try and make new friends when we go places but isn’t always appropriate with introductions
etc and children who don’t know him can see his approach is different. I guess that’s why he always gets in we’ll with younger children, he loves babies and the nursery kids and always tries making them laugh.

He’s 9.5 now. I do worry as he gets older about bullying and also about a recently showing signs of anxiety where he will worry about his family unnecessarily. Checking where are we (while in the house) what time will we pick up from childcare etc but hoping this is a phase brought on my his little sister getting lost in a supermarket. It was for about 2min but he really panicked about her and now when we are out he worries unless she is in touching distance.

All in all he’s developing very well. I hope your child is also doing well 😊

I relate so much to the original post. My 4 year old, soon to be 5 has the same struggles. Currently in speech therapy and starting OT soon for sensory issues.
His speech is our biggest struggle. He cannot engaged in conversation and has trouble understanding and responding to questions.
As his mom I struggle every day! I am almost certain he has anxiety and fear. He cries every time we go to the doctor and for me to drop him off at school or leave school he gets upset. Today is one of those very emotional days. I just want my baby to be okay. I want so badly for him to be able to communicate. I feel that it would fix so many other troubles. He plays with kids but most of the time doesn’t interact with peers and they don’t interact much back. This BREAKS my heart! I think if he were able to communicate it would be different. I am hoping and praying that it isn’t much longer til he reaches that point.

I worry about bullying too because kids don’t understand. He is such a loving child, well behaved, and smart! He has great memorization! He can memorize movies, books, songs. He even knows and recognized words!
Looking at him you would not know he has an issues. I believe he also is HFA, but I’ve been told a diagnosis “wouldn’t help” because he is receiving assistance to help him which I understand. I feel so much mom guilt that I’m not doing enough for him.

@Ryanbrit81 thanks so much for the update. My 4 year old sounds very similar and we've just filled out the forms for him to be referred for autism assessment with the guidance from our speach therapist. It's great to hear how your DS is getting on.