What are acceptable punishments?

[ViolentDelights]

I am at my wits end as nearly 7 year old's behaviour is causing arguments between dh and I.

What are acceptable punishments for rudeness, disobedience and throwing tantrums to try and get out of doing homework?

Is it acceptable to send him to his room and say his is not allowed out (barring bathroom trips obviously) for a certain amount of time - is an hour too long?

No tv and no computer time at the weekends are my go to punishments but once they've been dished out and he keeps misbehaving then I'm not quite sure where to go from there.

For context, I'm struggling because my mum would go completely over the top with punishments, for example she would smack and slap but also trash my room and give me 2 minutes to clean it again, destroy my things and set fire to them, cut my hair off, threaten to call social services to take me away... escalating to actually calling social services (and the police and my headteacher), she would go out of her way to make meals that I hated etc. As a result, I've come to realise that I don't know what normal is and so I'm way too soft on ds (according to dh - you can see where the arguments are coming from right?)

I completely understand that sort of treatment from a parent. Firstly I'm so sorry you had to go through abuse from your mother.

I think that the punishments you're using at the moment are completely acceptable. The only issue with sending him to his room is that if he has toys to occupy himself, he probably won't see it as too much of a punishment.

It could be an idea (if you're not already, apologies if you are) to focus on rewards for good behaviour as well as punishments for bad. If he realises that good behaviour results in rewards, he will be more inclined to think about his behaviour. Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement.

Maybe a sticker chart for doing certain good behaviours such as completing chores (just simple things like making the bed, tidying toys away etc), a sticker for every time he does something kind and so on. At the end of the week a small treat and the end of the month a larger one like a day out maybe?

Sorry I couldn't be of more help, I'm quite a few years away from the terrible tweets!

Tweens *

I'm so sorry you went through such an awful time. I swore I wouldn't smack as I didn't want my kids to fear me as I did my mother ( it was no where near the experience that you suffered) . We used loss of priviledge as well as time out. We changed from weekend reward to daily. If after getting a priviledge he misbehaved then he wouldn't get the next saving the most prized for last. The ultimate for my son was loss of sugary treat (3-4 of squares of chocolate), no bedtime story and berries. He's now 14 and the method still works just different priviledges ( although the berries and sugar still work) . My mother smacked him a couple of times , he just her back. She complained to me and told her well you hit him what did you expect ? Don't hit him again.