Struggling to cope

[JJ1612]

I am really starting to struggle with my 5 week old daughter. She is so miserable and grumpy of the time. All she does is cry and whinge, especially after feeding. She feeds every 3 hours but only 2 ounces at a time. ive tried infacol and gripe water, it doesn't work. She roots for something, not sure what as when I try her with some more bottle she doesn't want it. She spits out her dummy. She's only happy for about an hour a day. I just don't know what to do

Having a new born is really hard. They do seem to cry most of the time. It's because hey we're in your tummy for so long, warm, safe and had food on tap. Now they're in the big wide world with only your scent to comfort them. Newborns need a LOT of comfort. Ewan the Dream Sheep is fab as it plays womb sounds which are like magic.

That being said, how does she cry? As in, does she just seem upset or does she seem as if she's in pain? Is it high pitched? Does she arch her back? Is she upset whilst feeding?

She seems like something is making her uncomfortable. She doesn't bring up that much wind, and often she'll root for the bottle but won't take any. She does have trouble going to the toilet. When she has a poo she will scream and scream (it's actually heartbreaking to see) until she's gone but she isn't constipated. Sometimes she will arch her back but not always. She does display quite a few symptoms of silent reflux although the health visitor doesn't seem to think it is that. I just feel useless coz I don't know what's wrong with her and can't make her comfortable

Honestly, the first couple of months of having a newborn are the hardest! I was just going to mention a silent reflux issue but it does sound like she's just an unhappy newborn which is no consolation but we've honestly all been there chick!

Is there anything you've noticed seems to calm her? Cuddles with you or certain songs? Like I say a lot is to do with comfort but each baby is comforted differently! White noise is normally a winner with most babies and dummy's are fab if baby will take them! Swaddling can be great as well. Babies either love or hate it! My son didn't like it but I know other babies who adored it!

That being said, I'd carry on with the infacol and gripe water as it could be a wind issue! What bottles are you using? My son had awful colic and the best thing we bought to help we're MAM Anti Colic Bottles. The air escapes through the bottom so baby doesn't take in as much :) x

Hi,

Just wanted to say that I also found the newborn phase very tough mostly because I couldn't stand the constant crying. I also tried infacol and colief which the pharmacist recommended. Not sure if either made a difference though.

I read in one of my baby books that at 6 weeks old the amount of crying reduces dramatically and amazingly it did with my baby and reduced every week from then on. Not sure if this is true with colic or reflux babies though.

In the meantime waiting for the 6 week mark I found 3 things that helped me deal with the crying:
I tried to sympathise and remember how hard life must going from a warm safe belly to a big bright loud outside world.
I used to look at his face when he cried which actually when you block the sound out looks hilarious. He used to pull such funny crying faces.
And lastly I would take photos of him crying and think of all the ways I can embarrass him with them when he's older

When you start getting smiles from her it will make all the crying more bearable.

I know everyone says this but... It won't last forever.

Thanks for your reply. I found today particularly tough for some reason. Took her 2 & half hours to settle after a feed, just had time to grab some food and then she woke and it all started again! I just feel like I'm doing something wrong coz I can't settle my own baby. My partner seems to be able to settle her a lot better than me. We have our 6 week check up this week so I'm gonna speak to the doctor and voice my concerns about reflux and see what they say. At least she is quite settled throughout the night so I'm not completely shattered when dealing with a crying baby

As everyone else has already said, the newborn stage is sooo tough! It seems like endless crying and not a lot else which drove me up the wall! My DS had very bad reflux which resulted in constant crying, discomfort, arching back and of course vomiting. Numerous trips to the doctor and to A&E and different medications didnt sort it but definitely after 8 weeks there was a definite drop in the amount of crying. Now at 5 months he is a lot more settled. Hang in there! It seems like it will last forever but one day you will wake up and the crying will have stopped and you'll get cheeky smiles instead.

Sod the health visitor and see your GP about reflux. It's so common and sounds like your baby is struggling with something. Tell them how hard it, hold nothing back so they know your baby really does need help.

Highlight the trouble with pooing because they usually try reflux babies on gaviscon first, but that causes constipation. This would make your baby feel ten times worse. If the doctor agrees that it could be reflux ask to try ranitidine. Brilliant stuff. Good luck.

Apparently she's just got a cold and that's why she's so uncomfortable. Not sure it's just that...call it mothers intuition. Have to give it a few days then see how she is. She has her six week check up on Thursday so will re voice all my concerns again then

I second the white noise recommendation. It has to be really loud though, unfortunately for parents! We used a radio tuned to static, turned up loud. Or there are apps with soothing white noise.
Sadly newborns do cry a lot, it's normal. It really will pass, it's like a boot camp!

I totally feel your pain - my baby cried solidly at the beginning. As others said, white noise and swaddling worked amazingly. Read the book "the happiest baby on the block" which has ways to help stop a baby crying. We did end up on ranitidine for silent reflux too which did change things almost overnight. At 5 months now things are so much better. Everyone told me it would get better and it's so hard to believe at the time but it really is true!

For the past three hours she's just been screaming (will settle for 5 mins max). Desperately rooting for her bottle but won't actually take any milk. I feel so helpless that I can't help her

I really think you need to look at reflux. It makes them want milk to settle their stomach but it doesn't help, makes it worse, then they don't know what they want and you just have an upset baby.

Try raising the top of her cot or Moses basket for when she sleeps. Keep her upright as much as you can when feeding and for twenty minutes after feeding. Persevere with getting wind up, really try your best even if she's not cooperating. Lay off things like infacol and gripe water, they can make reflux worse.

Trust your mother's instinct. I did and I was right. Once I got her on the medicine she was a different baby. And plenty of people tried to fob me off with "babies cry" but my baby was suffering. Best of luck.

Thanks funnyface. My gut instinct says reflux. She's fussy after every feed but so much worse in the evening, just managed to settle her and now she's got hiccups and woke herself up! I've done everything suggested and her Moses basket is raised as much as it can be. She does settle more when she's over my shoulder. The doctor we saw just said all babies get reflux and they would only prescribe something if she isn't gaining weight, which she is. Not huge amounts but enough to keep the doctors happy although we can never get her to take more than 2 ounces every 3 hours

I was prescribed gaviscon without a question from my Dr and my baby was still gaining weight. Don't know if they're more reluctant to prescribe the other reflux needs you can get though but might be worth trying a different Dr.

I never used the gaviscon and tried cow and gate anti reflux milk which worked wonders. I had a friend use gaviscon and know that really worked for her. The only thing you have to watch out for with gaviscon and reflux milk is constipation though.

Keep asking. I had to go 3 times before the final doctor prescribed drugs straight away and said it was obvious. The first 2 told me "it's a baby, they cry what do you expect me to do!" And "he's manipulating you,leave him to cry" (he was 5 weeks old and I said he cried literally all day!).
The ranitidine changed him overnight so keep persevering with the doctors.

And it begins again. I wish I could post a video of how bad she actually is. She just looks so sad all of the time and uncomfortable and it seems to be getting worse. It used to be just in the evening but is now through the day as well. I just feel it's more than "just a cold" which is what people keep telling me. Struggling to get her to take more than an ounce now too. I feel like I'm not being listened to and that she's gonna have to start losing weight for someone to do something about it

After 3 doctor visits, speaking to two HV and a hospital trip she has finally been given gaviscon to try. Hopefully this will help her settle a bit better and she'll be more comfortable