Where do you get your discipline techniques? Finding a punishment for beahviour you haven't come across before?

[bramblina]

It's one of those parental testing times.

Dd's teacher told me yesterday she's been led by another girl in to perhaps bullying another girl. I'm pretty devastated and embarrassed. I've spoken to dd at great length, she's remorseful. I've posted in the bullying section if you are interested.

Do you just take away privileges? She has golf, swimming and pony lessons, and cubs each week. There will be no pony or golf but the others are educational. She barely bothers with her kindle, she likes to play on the trampoline, write and draw when she comes home. Other than dinner and homework there's not much time left for anything else. We live remotely so there's no pocket money, shops or playing out in the street with friends.

What punishments do you give? She's 9.

What would she really hate to lose? That's the thing to take away. And you could remove all her after-school activities for the week, educational or not.

Another thing you can do is give her chores. She behaved in an anti-social way so she needs to do something helpful and positive to make up, maybe instead of pony, cubs etc. I had a great time when DS bunked off school and lied about it, he was on washing up duty for the week. Great week for me!

She should also offer to apologise to the girl she bullied. The bullied girl may or may not want an apology in person, it's up to her. Maybe in writing, maybe with a gift as well (from your own DD's money).

Good luck

I think rather than 'punish' I would get her to engage in 'kind behaviour' and reiterate the word kind all the time.

Maybe there is a scheme where you can visit elderly people and demonstrate kindness in more everyday life in the context of how it makes other feel (and unkindness too)?

In that scenario I would ask her what she thinks is an appropriate way to 'make it right' and would ask her how she would like to demonstrate her kindness going forward. I'm not sure 'punishing' will be helpful in this scenario.

I don't think 'punishing' or removing material items is the answer. She needs to understand what she has done wrong and how it made the other person feel so that she never does it again. Maybe you could get her to write a letter (but not send it).

Thank you all, this was an excellent example of gaining others' opinions as you all had similar ideas, all different to mine! Dd decided for herself she would write a letter and she made a bracelet. They played together today. This was good advice, and seems to be working.