I don't want my DS anymore.

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

I know it's not a choice. I know I'm stuck with him.

He's 4. Possible ASD or similar. He's so violent, hits me, bites me, kicks me, punches, pinches, spits in my face, and headbuts me. He's got no toys in his room because he kept throwing them at me. So I took them all away. He doesn't even care. He doesn't care about any consequence or discipline. I've tried everything from shouting and losing my temper to sitting calmly on the floor and explaining why his behaviour isn't nice and "you're a good boy, but your behaviour is not nice".

I ran a bath an hour ago and I still can't get in it because he just will not go to bed. He's now staying in his room but he won't sleep. So I can't get in the bath. Now it's too late to actually bathe and shave and wash and dry my hair none of which has been done for a week I can't even cook myself some dinner because I can't stand out there in the kitchen long enough to even cook, let alone actually sit and eat.

It's just constant. He goes to nursery but then I have to fit literally everything else (shopping, paying bills, any meetings with anyone, any phonecalls because I can't use the phone with him around, my own appointments) has to be crammed into those 15 hours a week.
Have the Early Help worker out on Wednesday.

But I'm fed up. It's constant. I need a break and there's no one about to provide one. I just want to wash my fucking hair.

Last night was a little better he went to sleep at 8.30pm, he slept until nearly 8am. Tbh I'd rather he went to bed at 7 and got up at 6/7 😬 Beggars can't be choosers I suppose.
Early help is coming again today.

Gosh that sounds so difficult 😞

I'm sure you've considered it and you sound like you're doing a wonderful job with him, but have you considered looking at his diet?

We had mild behaviour issues with DS(5) at school, and changed his breakfast to cut out sugar (including in breakfast cereals) and replaced with high protein (so boiled eggs and wholemeal soldiers, low sugar peanut butter and brown bread, slice of ham and cheese, plain yoghurt, plain porridge with whole milk) and his behaviour massively improved. What sort of things is he having for a snack in the evening before the bedtime ritual? There's such a lot of hidden sugar in foods nowadays, and can cause kids to become hyper or misbehave as their blood sugar crashes.

Also, you could try audio books on a CD player for him as an easy way to wind down. Sometimes lying in a darkened room listening to a book being read can help to distract from outside noises, etc and help them drift off.

You sound absolutely fantastic op and a brilliant mum. A crap mum wouldn't put in a fraction of the effort you are to helping your son. Ive no experience of SN but your posts really shout out that you're doing your best. Don't worry about what any strangers think. If your son needs you to be "soft" then do that without guilt or judgement. I hope things get easier for you

I have no advice - my DS is only 14 months - but just wanted to offer a handhold and , what a great job you are doing under horrendously difficult circumstances.

Thank you all. He's being quite challenging today. My head is elsewhere so that probably why. My kitchen is a shit hole because I can't catch five minutes to wash up. Only jut managed to get the washing in.

Regards to his food, he's very funny with what he will and won't eat. At the moment he's on mini weetabix (the chocolate chip ones) and sausage and mash. It's all he wants to eat really. His diet is awful (processed meats, pasta, potatoes, baked beans, frozen veg, he's good with fruit, yoghurts, white bread, we eat a lot of cake/cheesecake/cookies because We bake together) but I know that if I stood and cooked something from scratch he will not eat it. I'm vegetarian so I don't buy proper meat so his eating processed meat is entirely my bad. He won't eat any meat subs at all.
He won't eat brown bread or sweet potatoes, I've tried, but he does eat brown pasta. And I can get him to eat brown pittas.
He is pretty good with veg and fruit and salads, loves hummus.

For snack he gets to choose, so it's usually a bowl of weetabix.

As I said he's very particular with food, so there are things ive tried swapping to healthier alternatives and then he doesn't eat. So the way I operate now is I give him what I know he'll eat because the alternative is that he's doesn't eat? X

Would he eat plain weetabix rather than the ones with chocolate if that's the snack you're giving him before bed? Or perhaps offer a choice of different snacks, without any sweet option? E.g. pitta bread and hummus if he loves that with some veg on the side, or some fruit?

Could you try baking less sweet options - like baking bread together (perhaps he'd eat if he helped make - soda bread is dead easy and doesn't require much effort and doesn't need to rise), or savoury muffins? Or making your own pizza from scratch - again, the dough is easy and kids like the rolling and stretching?

How about hiding veg in a pureed tomato sauce on pasta?

I know it's really difficult (I have one fussy eater and one who will eat anything pretty much) but have persevered with the fussy one and there are now about 5 or 6 healthy meals she will eat which we rotate.... School has really made a difference for her as well. I completely understand the desire to make sure he is full and eats well, but perhaps small gradual tweaks here and there could help?

Does he eat at nursery? What will he eat/not eat there?

This article has some suggestions of potential alternatives:

www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/foodanddrinkadvice/11375030/Did-banning-sugar-turn-my-kids-into-sweet-little-angels.html

He won't eat plain weetabix at all, and won't eat pizza made from scratch. There's only one kind of pizza he will eat and we don't eat it that often. Likewise with bread. He will only eat one type of bread.
He will only eat one particular type of pasta bake with shop bought sauce, he will not eat it if I make the sauce. The list of what he won't even touch is a sign long as my arm.
Things like hummus, salad and fresh veg and fruit tend to be expensive so are a once-a-fortnight (when I get money) treat. Except frozen veg which I have a whole freezer full, he eats veg no problem. He won't eat sweet corn but green veg like broccoli, peas, green beans, things like cauliflower, carrots etc he'll eat No problem.
I won't buy things I know he won't eat as it's a waste of money. Likewise with baking, I bake for fun and pleasure and it helps me destress, but if I bake bread, savoury scones etc he won't eat them. I made tomato and basil scones and most of them went in the bin because I couldn't t eat them all by myself and he wouldn't.
Things with sauces are a no unless they're a very particular kind and brand of sauce. It was a battle just to get him to eat Philadelphia mixed into his pasta.
I provide his lunch for nursery as it's too expensive for them to provide it and he wouldn't even eat anything they offer anyway, for tea they usually do things like crumpets, soup, veg and pitta.
I've tried swapping his foods to healthier alternatives and he would rather starve. right now food is the least of my worries 😬