What to do about 2 year old violent temper?

[louiseee123]

Hi

My 2 year old little girl has the worst temper, any slight thing can set her off and she flips out, usually headbutting, smacking and scratching. Its mainly aimed at me, her dad and older brother.

Her speech has started to come along better but still isnt great so not sure if the naughty step would work. Right now we tend to remove her away and ignore but this makes her worse.

Help! Any ideas?

Don't punish her. They don't have a fully developed brain and self -control. Punishing her would be very unfair, not teach her anything, cause her more anger and damage your relationship. The best advice I learned was saying what she is feeling and why ' I can see you feel... because.... Mummy understands that must be hard for you' And offer her a cuddle even if it seems very unlikely she would want one. If she is already very wound up, they can't calm themselves down so hold her tight, say what she feels and tell her that you love her and will help her calm down and feel better. Your touch will help her system regulate itself again. It really works. Even when my dd was furious, most of the time she would sob yes, she wanted a cuddle.

I just read 'how to talk so kids will listen' by Adele Faber and there was some great advice on this and lots of other things. I would echo the feeling that finding an alternative to punishment (which it sounds like you're already doing) would work best.

Holding her in a hug may help to calm her down. Dont give in to what she wants but just hold her and sooth her and she might come out of it quicker. She will grow out of it but meantime dont add to the anger with punishment.

Thanks for the advice.

Its only began recently so haven't punished her for it just trying to find what works. Will try what has been suggested.

Wouldn't be so bad but she goes straight for the eyes!

Fingers crossed its a phase that passes

My dd is on the end (hopefully!) of a hitting phase. She is three now and she does it much less frequently. When she hits us, I always say (not too shouty.. . More in a stern, controlled way), "No, you must not hit". Then I'll wait for her to calm down - she doesn't like to be touched when she's in a rage, and then she'll usually want a cuddle. And then I'll talk to her in a quieter way about how she must not hit people. It's not kind and it hurts them. She usually looks very serious then as if she's taking it all in.

I don't know if that's a good method but she rarely hits now so I think it has worked... Either that, or she's growing out of it naturally.

Sounds normal at that age. If my toddler lashes out I restrain him from hitting me and tell him not to hit- it doesn't really sink in when they're mid-tantrum though because it's like the Incredible Hulk raging about incoherently!

If it's a really wild tantrum I often try and carry him into my room or his bedroom where there is less to hurt himself on. And I just wait for the rage to wear off. Usually he gets more angry if I intervene with cuddles, talking or telling off, so I just wait it out, and occasionally offer him things unrelated to the tantrum, like "do you want a drink?" or "shall we read a story?" until he eventually snaps out of it!

And yes like BlueSunGreenMoon we talk about it afterwards and usually he goes all cuddly and says sorry a lot!

Thanks for those. Not a bad day yesterday i think distraction might work in her case. She definately didnt appreciate cuddles mid tantrum!

If she goes for the eyes you need to catch her hands and hold them gently but firmly.