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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How did you cope with screaming? Ds age 2 loves to scream for no reason, doing my head in...help!

25 replies

mumfor1standfinaltime · 05/03/2007 21:03

Hi, had another day trying to cope with ds screaming.
He was 2 in January, and for the last few weeks he screams for what I can only describe as 'for no reason!'
I am guessing it is for attention, or frustration.
I will be driving and he will scream the biggest scream down my ear that it hurts my ears!
I have tried to ignore it, I have tried shouting at him to stop it. Should I talk to him and ask why he is screaming??

He doesn't talk very well yet so it is hard to know what to do.
Any advice welcomed.

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Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 05/03/2007 21:08

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Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 05/03/2007 21:14

Maybe I am only one with this problem then..lol

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BandofMothers · 05/03/2007 21:18

He must be able to communicate some words to you, so sitting and asking him, perhaps straight after it happens might be a good idea. While it's fresh in his head.
Don't have a problem as dd1 never shuts up and has talked well from very young, but didn't like to leave you unanswered.
He might just like the sound of it, esp in the car as it's a small space.

Arriety · 05/03/2007 21:18

Dd1 not only loves to scream but screams ow ow ow in an extremely shrill voice. Mainly does it in the car and scared me half to death the first time. Pulled over all frantic only to discover that she was trying to put her welly back on! Have no helpful advice but didn't want you to think you were on your own out there!

brandy7 · 05/03/2007 21:18

going through that also! not in the car thank god.

my ds is 2.5 and will scream/sulk/scratch me for no reason. presume like you said its frustration. ive been ignoring him but that didnt work, as he starts getting physical to get my attention. i tried shouting at him and that didnt work. tried putting him in the bedroom and shutting the door,that didnt work.

ive now come to the conclusion that it will pass and il probably have to put up with it till hes talking better

Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 05/03/2007 21:25

Glad I am not alone on this one! It is sometimes so ear piercing and hurts my ears!
Today when he did it, I shut him in his bedroom for few mins. Not sure I achieved anything. Sometimes it seems he is screaming because he has finished his drink/crisps so gets annoyed/frustrated or he can't have/reach something. I can understand this to an extent, but to scream in the car really does my brain in as it seems to be for nothing!

Agree that I should probably try to talk it out with him, but he has such little language at the moment.

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BandofMothers · 05/03/2007 21:26

dd1 will sometimes scream at top of lungs if I've put her on the naughty step. Think that's cos I've always said she can be angry there as she's been told off. Absolutely ignore it, don't so much as blink an eye. She gets bored soon enough.

colditz · 05/03/2007 21:28

Give him a cool toy when youget in the car. When he screams, immediately pull over and take it away, and say "No Screaming"

BOM I do disagree that he must have some words, ds1 had none at all until 2.4. But agree that his understanding is probably spot on.

BandofMothers · 05/03/2007 21:28

Does he understand everything you say?
Can you ask some yes/no q's. I know this is very unreliable as they often just agree or disagree cos you've put the idea in their heads but anything's worth a try.

BandofMothers · 05/03/2007 21:30

She said he doesn't talk very well, which I assumed means he does talk, just not very much.

colditz · 05/03/2007 21:30

Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 05/03/2007 22:52

Just to clarify - ds does understand what I say, directions etc. He does not speak enough to have a conversation with him. He says odd words but doesn't string words together yet.
I think he gets frustrated most of the time when he screams. I will have to just try to be patient with the screaming when it does involve getting annoyed about something and try to talk to him and find out what's wrong etc.
As for the car, he does have an alfie vtech big bear he plays with in the car and some books to read, but if he drops something he gets stressed and it can lead to a scream. But not always - sometimes the scream is juat for the sake of it.
Have been searching ebay for a car seat organiser to fix onto back of passenger seat to put toys into - thought this may help!
Thanks for making me feel 'not alone'!

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Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 05/03/2007 22:54

Band of mothers - will work on the ignoring method too. Could try naughty step/area I suppose if it gets bad. Thanks.

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Aefondkiss · 05/03/2007 23:20

distraction, maybe you put a favourite tape in, but as if you are ignoring him, or suddenly you become very interested in something out the window, in another part of the room, that he might have to stop screaming to hear what you are talking about? or just start singing a fave song that gets his attention?

my ds is much older(well 2.9) and has speech probs, but when he screams I try and tickle him or do something to make him laugh, or anything that I think might take his mind off it, but without rewarding his screaming

and I am sure you have heard this but when you think you know what he wants , do you say your juice is all gone, or is the toy stuck or can mummy help - it is something that has been recommended to me, by salt to try and encourage language and help put the frustration into words, sadly it isn't working for my ds, but it might be worth a go?

Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 06/03/2007 05:27

Hi Aefondkiss, good idea about the music in the car, will try this one. I do sing to him sometimes to distract him and it seems to work (probably because my singing is awful!)
When he for example loses a toy under the sofa and he screams, I do say 'whats wrong have you lost your ball, show mummy, tell mummy' etc etc. But it is hard to get him to respond sometimes. When he finishes his drink he will throw his cup on the floor and scream and I say 'no don't throw your cup, has your drink all gone, get your cup and mummy will get you some more etc' he will then just scream at me. I ignore at this stage and he will usually give in and go and get his cup!
I think he is lazy when it comes to speech, but is partly my fault I suppose. I don't know.

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Aefondkiss · 06/03/2007 09:49

screaming is the single most effective thing a child this age can do to get what they want, it really is hard to deal with, it is some consolation to come on here and see you are not alone.

I think if you searched mumsnet using the words screaming child you'd probably find a fair few threads

it sounds like you are doing everything right, it is just bloody hard work, welcome to the terrible twos

Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 06/03/2007 12:56

Thanks for the support.
Today hasn't been too bad so far. I have tried the distraction methods like 'oh look up there, look at that bird' etc when we went for a walk earlier and it seemed to work!
I guess this is just the start of it!

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Jimjams2 · 06/03/2007 13:04

Does he point? We have a very screamingful house here- ds1 (7) can't talk so screams a lot (it does go with lack of language) and ds3 copies and is naturally stroppy (he was 2 in January as well). Ds3 doesn't have that many words but can indicate yes or no so I do a lot of "do you want this or this" as well asstraight "what do you want"

With ds1 - who can't indicate yes or now- I use "show me" and that often works.

Jimjams2 · 06/03/2007 13:05

no not now!

themoon66 · 06/03/2007 13:08

Just take him to the supermarket to scream... like the rest of us do

Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 06/03/2007 13:35

He does point sometimes. He has learnt a few new words over the last couple of weeks, the all important one - 'iscuit', and pointing at the biscuit tin.
So, no screaming needed on that one!

He has also learnt the word stairs, and wants to constantly climb them now. We have no gate at the bottom (only at top)so we have a few screaming matches about that one.

I try to keep him amused in the supermarket with food or toys but it doesn't always work. I had this crazy idea last week to meet dh from work to go to sainsburys at tea time on empty stomachs. Dh couldn't stand the noise so he took ds back to the car and left me packing all the shopping at athe till!! This one was my fault..note to self..feed child before going food shopping and tempting child who has empty stomach..

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Jimjams2 · 06/03/2007 13:58

Try "show me". Also cut back on your langauge- so for example offer him 2 things (can work well to offer the one you think he might want/you want him to have with something you know he doesn't want) and say "choose"". Nothing else.

How is he at transitions- if he finds it difficult to stop playing with something- give him plenty of warning that an activity will finish- "5 more minutes, 1 more minute, 10, 9,8 7....finished".

Teaching some simple signs might help if you think lack of language is the problem (don't teach "more" though- I made that mistake with ds3 - he used to use it for everything)

Jimjams2 · 06/03/2007 13:58

DS1 can't sign, but he uses pictures to ask for things he wants- having a system that works to ask for things defintiely cuts down on screaming.

Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 06/03/2007 14:08

He is good at 'show me'. A few days ago he spotted a spider in the kitchen and he cam to me and made a buzzy noise (bzzz)which to him is all insects! I said show mummy and he ran to the back door going bbbzzzzzz.

He does communicate, but sometimes when I am not looking, say when I am washing up, he will stand and scream. I think have I missed something, or is he trying to get my attention?

I have been told by health visitor to try the choose thing. I wasn't sure how to do this, thanks for the tip. Will try it later today. He is napping now, so peace and quiet for a little while!
He does like watching something special on cbeebies, and I have tried to sign, but I don't think I am consistent enough.

I find some days he really wants to communicate and other days he just doesn't want to. I now don't let him have a drink or biscuit unless he says 'ta' first. I am trying to push things.

He can say - car, stairs, dus (bus), iscuit (biscuit),dada, square, circil (circle), dad (bath!), ushchair. Can't think of much more. Alot of words he 'speaks as a sound' ie eeeaaww is a cat!

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Original poster

mumfor1standfinaltime · 06/03/2007 14:12

Transitions (never heard it called this). He is fine. If we are out at soft play area, I just say time to go now and get dinner etc and he will put his coat on. I just don't put him in the pushchair that way he sees it as more fun!
He doesn't always like getting out of the bath, but we play a counting game before getting out..da, da, tree(3), da, da, sits(6)!

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