Very grumpy and angry 8 year old

[Allison101]

My daughter has always been sensitive, but recently she won't smile, everything is negative, none of her friends want to play with her and she cries about it, I've said that people, especially children just like to have fun, so if they see someone sitting out, or not very happy, they won't engage.
She always has a grumpy face on, talks back, goes into a tantrums, always in the evening, sulks alot and thats even with her friends!
She is getting harder to put to bed as she is always scared. I've asked her what of, but she doesn't know.
I've tried talking to her, for the last 6 months we've been very understanding but it's getting worse. I've changed tactics, we've tried chastising her and various other things, but I'm at my wits end, it's still getting worse.
He's friends all have sleep overs but she is not invited and I'm not surprised. I've told her that people want to play with happy people, then I saw, today's a new days, let's see if we can keep our smiles on, but I get snarled at.
She is the model student at school, in the classroom.
When she doesn't get her own way she talks to everyone like dirt. If I send her to the stairs or her room, she screams and shouts uncontrollably. After a while she will say sorry but still be grumpy!
Does anyone have any ideas?

Well....she might be sad because she's not included in her friend's sleepovers. Are you sure she didn't start being unhappy because they were alredy excluding her? Are you assuming they're leaving her out because she's grumpy when in fact, she's grumpy because they're leaving her out?

If it's not that, it could be hormones. Many girls of 8 these days are sadly starting puberty...it's much younger than we're used to but it's quite common apparently.

She was part of the friendship group, and her friends persevered through outbursts and moodiness. If anyone said anything she didn't like or didn't do what she wanted, so would go into a mood. Now for the last few months the invites have got less and less. I completely understand why and have talked to my daughter about it and she understands why, but can't seem to stop or change her behaviour, I've tried all sorts! It's so upsetting to see her so upset and I can't seem to help. Although I haven't seen any obvious signs for puberty I know it's a possibility and I'll look into it more.

Telling your child to put a smike on is totally denying her right to have negative feelings. Are you happy and cheerful 24/7? Why should she be expected to be

I think that telling a child that 'people want to play with happy people' is not a helpful comment. We can't be happy as if turning a switch on, we either are or are not.

I think it's very common for anxiety to start at this age. It happened to me and is starting to happen to me.
My mother reacted in a manner similar to you i.e. Critical. It damaged our relationship for life and my anxiety problem continued well into adulthood.
You need urgently to change the conversation you are having with her. She is not doing this because she enjoys it. She is doing it because she can't not. Night worrying is no doubt depriving her of sleep which contributes to moodiness. You need her to talk to you about her fears and therefore you need to be open, accepting and uncritical.

It could be hormonal changes. My DD went through an insanely clingy phase at 7/8. She's normally very confident and independent.

Don't chastise her for feeling sad, but do make sure rudeness is not tolerated.

Has there been any other big changes in her life?

Sorry, above should say this is starting to happen to my dd.
I am, I hope, making a better job of dealing with it than my mother did. Dd is at least talking to me very openly which I think is half the battle.

I don't think telling her to pretend to be happy will help. Better to try to get to the root of what is making her feel unhappy and grumpy. It could be hormones but might not be. An open non judgemental approach to her moods might be useful. Having discussions away from the home while you are doing fun things like mummy daughter pedicures or a cafe visit, can help her to discuss her feelings or let you know if something is happening. Practical help to manage her anger such as breathing, meditation, keeping a diary and also professional help. Does school have a guidance counsellor? As a pp has said are you sure she is not unhappy BECAUSE her friends are leaving her out? It is important to support her in her difficulties with her friends rather than make her feel she is at fault for not smiling all the time. Depression in children is unfortunately increasing so it is important to let her know you are in her side. Also encourage her to make new friends, she could join clubs outside of school as well as school clubs her friends are not part of. Social groups like scouting and girl guides are great for instilling values and increasing self confidence.

Telling a child off for being unhappy is utterly ridiculous and very damaging.

She always has a grumpy face on, talks back, goes into a tantrums, always in the evening
She's probably tired and upset! Do you smile at her, hug her and ask her what she'd like to do?
You're telling her that this is all her fault -that's a huge thing to take on her shoulders at the age of 8, and is likely making her feel worse so it's a never ending spiral. It is ok to feel angry and not know why, Do you tell her you love her?