dd almost 4 but not wanting to DO / create things

[TW]

My dd will be 4 next month - she has brothers aged 5 and 2. She just doesn't seem interested in DOING things. She just can't be bothered. She can't hold a pencil properly and hasn't even started to write her name. She will draw something if you specifically ask her to, but armed with pen and paper, just scribbles. She isn't interested in making necklaces with beads or anything creative at all. She is very bright and her verbal skills are wonderful. Also her social skills. No shyness, loves to be the centre of attention. I am not particularly concerned, just bemused. When ds1 was this age, the difference between boys and girls was huge, and I have also seen it in my neice who is now 6. As we are in Scotland, dd is going in to her pre-school year in August, but it will be quite structured and I wonder if she is ever going to achieve anything as she just switches off. Same thing at mealtimes. Takes 3 or 4 mouthfuls then needs help. Anyone experienced this with a girl, and what has been the outcome?

bumpity bump. lots going on tonight

and again cos I'm off for a while

I'm sure she'll be fine. She's still very young - only three - and I can't imagine there are lots of three year olds who can write and stuff - that's why schools teach these skills to five year olds. My dh couldn't write or read at all until he went to school at five, and now writes for a living! We are all different as adults so why shouldn't we be equally different in our activities and interests as children. I am sure she won't be particuularly unusual at school and they will take it in their stride.

Is it that she doesn't want to do these things or is it that she physically can't? If her fine-motor skills are a bit delayed it might explain why she can't hold a pencil properly, thread beads or even feed herself properly.

If she just doesn't want to then she may just not be interested in arty things.

My ds1 is 4yrs old and due to start school in September. He can't hold a pencil properly but his teacher there doesn't think that this will be a problem as he will have plenty of time to catch up. HTH

Does she go to Nursery/playschool? Perhaps this is what she does a lot of there and so doesn't want to do more when she comes home? Our DD wasn't interested in beads until now really (5) and she started to write her name when she was in the 4+ group at playschool. She is a bright little girl too. Your DD sounds a normal 3 year old to me - interested in lots of things but not much concentration on any of them!! Hope this has been of help?

My ds 4 yrs and 5 months is going to school this year. Can't hold a pen too steadily but has just begun to write his name. He too real;ly dislikes anything creative, drawing and colouring in consists of a few scribbles without even changing the felt tip pen colours. His nursery nurse has said that he is very creative in role playing and making up games and not to worry about the other stuff he will learn it quite well at school. He has always been a fidget even at mealtimes one spoonfula nd then he's off. But at his new school they seperate the reception chidren from the other school children and gently help them to eat and sit still at the table e.t.c. I hope that his creative side improves, I am trying not to worry about it too much. And that is the only advice I have to offer TW.

My DS2 is 4 in September and sounds similar when it comes to drawing. He still doesn't like using a spoon/fork/knife even though he can so he gets a lot of finger food.

With DS1 they only got him to write his name before starting school so I wouldn't worry about that. He was v laid back too but I've just read his report and it's great.

Your DD sounds a delight to me

Thanks everyone - especially poppyseed - that's encouraging. I remember at ds1's 4th b'day party, all the girls had signed their cards (some were 6 onths older than him) and none of the boys. I remember thinking, well girls are more advanced at this stage, and that has certainly been borne out by his first year at school. He is doing really well, but the top reading/writing group is full of girls. I just feel that dd is not following the pattern I expected her to. Yes, she has been at a nursery school 5 mornings a week, but I suspect it's the same story there. I really think it's laziness, as her fine motor skills don't seem to bad - but then she doesn't give me much chance to see!!

TW: your DD sounds extremely like my DS. He's now 4yo+8months and still only occasionally makes things. He did get excited when they made model trains (out of cardboard tubes and boxes) at playgroup... he was just waiting for an activity that he could really get enthused about! Is only just starting to try to write his name. I think he'll be ok... Bet your DD will click more into writing/crafts when she starts school and she sees more other children doing those kinds of things.

It is interesting to me that you say that her verbal skills are wonderful. My daughter (3 and a bit) doesn't have a really big attention span for creative things. She seems to enjoy doing them but doesn't tend to persist. She was an early talker and chatting and word play and relating are where it is at for her. I just think her attention is more in the verbal mental realm than the bodily or 'creating' realm. Perhaps it is the same for your daughter?

TW,

don't worry although it's easier said than done.
Neither of my dds (now aged 17 & 13) could write their names before they started school at 5 1/2 and I don't remember them being particularly interested in things like making necklaces out of beads either. Both of them have turned out fine. Not all girls are interested in arty things just like not all boys are interested in football.
Perhaps if you discuss all of this with her preschool teacher, she could put yor mind at rest.

Tabitha, this made me giggle a bit - ds1 aged 5.5 would rather play with girls than boys and his only after-school activity is ballet!! However he is very much a boy, loved tractors as a tot, very full on and physical etc. I s'pose it's just the same as dd - so much a girl and I really mustn't worry - I think it's probably all the anticipation having had a boy first!

Don't worry she is still young. I work in a nursery and dont expect 3 year olds to be able to write their name. We encorage the four year olds to trace over thier name written in dots,if the 3 year olds ask to do this then we let them. Srribbling is how all children start writing so just let her enjoy this and she will gradully progress. At this age learning through play is best and schools dont expect them to be able to write their name when they start,

I have exactly the same problems with my son who is also 4 next month - no interest in doing anything creative, poor fine motor skills but great verbal skills. He just switchs off when he isn't interested too and I sympathise with your worry that he won't achieve anything.

The irritating thing is that he used to be really good with his hands when he was in his second year but now he just isn't interested and seems to have lost any ability he had. It is not helped by the fact that he seems to be left handed and I find it difficult as a right handed person to work out how he should be holding his pencils! His attention, when I do have it, doesn't last long enough for me to work it out!! He also can't be bothered with spoons and forks when eating and tends to help everything into his mouth with his fingers whenever possible.

I am a bit worried as he has to start school in September as he doesn't seem to be ready when he hasn't mastered these basic skills. He seems to be too young to be starting school really but if he wants a place then we have no choice to enrol him this year or miss out on the school we want him to go to. However, that is another story - I am not sure I approve of children starting school and formal education so young. I think a lot of development problems like DS has would have evened out by the time he is 5 but keeping him back until then isn't an option with the competition for places. So much for parental choice!

Such a relief to find a thread with exactly my worries! Ds1 (just 4) can't (or won't?) hold a pencil, to the extent that we're not even sure if he's right or left-handed. All friends and nursery say not to worry, but of course I do. Then I started worrying they thought I was a pushy mum, wanting my son to be doing calligraphy or something aged 4, but all I want is for him to do what all his friends are doing. He's very dextrous in other ways - builds very complicated castles and my mother even lets him play with her precious dolls house as he's so careful and nimble-fingered, but holding a pencil - no.

Most of me thinks he's fine - he's very funny and engaging and tells wonderful stories, and is pretty confident - but then there's the pencil thing, and also v. bad at jumping and can't ride a bike. I suppose my major worry is he'll feel left out and frustrated when he starts school and is the only one who can't write his name.

I'm not even sure if I should be trying to help him more - if I do he loses interest in seconds, and suggests I just do it myself! Should I just leave it till he starts school and let the teachers deal with it, or should I encourage him?