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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

There were five in the bed...

11 replies

Ladyonashortfuse · 09/02/2017 20:42

Help please I am at my wits end: none of my 3 DC (5,3,1) will now sleep in their own bed; they are all in mine and it's only a standard double. I can't remember the last time I had an unbroken night's sleep and DH regularly goes and sleeps in the kids room - without them. DC3's tactic is simply to refuse to be put down in her cot and yell until she's picked up and tucked into the crook of my arm again. DC1 &2 will go to sleep in their own bed; DC2 will then get up at 1, wail piteously and wander round the house asking Mummy/Daddy Where Are You. DC1 (the sneakiest and most effective) will come and get into our bed in the middle of the night without making a sound, so we just find him there in the morning. I know this is all my fault; I should have been stricter with them when they were younger but I am where I am...Please has anyone has had it this bad, and if so tell me what you did which worked and didn't result in you losing even more sleep with crying etc than before?

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mymilisbatshit · 10/02/2017 17:24

You poor thing! My best friend went through this with her DD2 I cant remember what age it started I think maybe when she was just over a year old. Her DD has some other behaviour concerns so she got a key worker in to get some advice. I am afraid all you can do is stand your ground and each time one of them get into your bed calmly take them back to their own bedroom and explain to them that this is their bedroom and your bedroom is your bedroom. Its a really tough one to crack believe me when I tell you my best friends DD is one of the most badly behaved children I know but with a little persistent and wine she cracked it.

ppeatfruit · 10/02/2017 17:31

I didn't worry about it, I just wanted my sleep and with them in the bed I got it. Your 2 youngest are very young anyway.

IMO There's nothing wrong with it. Think about a litter of kittens or puppies, they NEED their parents , it's only humans who think it's fine to have their babies in separate rooms. It's not natural. We share with our partners why not our little ones? it must be a tight squeeze in a 'normal ' double though. Get a bigger bed and don't worry they'll feel more secure with you. and sleep better.

uhoh2016 · 10/02/2017 20:06

Yep buy a bigger bed and embrace it. They will grow out of it eventually
I spent many sleepless night trying to coax dcs back into their bed moving sleeping toddlers and the relentless crying to get in with me. In the end I gave up cos I needed sleep. Eldest dc are 10 and 7 are quite happy to sleep in their own beds all night now and have done for a few years. Dc3 is 2 and sleeps with me (dh usually opts for the bottom bunk in dc1 room 🙈) it won't be forever I promise

venys · 10/02/2017 20:13

Sounds like us. OH sleeps with DS1 and I sleep with the younger two. I just embrace it and try not to plan too much else to do in the evenings. I don't know of too many older kids that sleep in their parents bed.

HarryTheHippo · 10/02/2017 20:14

We're planning to buy a superking...

ppeatfruit · 11/02/2017 09:32

Great idea Harry I used to have our youngest's cot right by our bed so it was easy to feed or just comfort in the night.

The 2 oldest slept in our bed when they wanted to. Go with it OP it's much less stressful

ppeatfruit · 11/02/2017 09:34

Dh has always snored loudly and likes the light on all night, he was happy being in his own room.!! We organised the house that way!

Cosmicglitterpug · 11/02/2017 09:36

If you don't want to do it though...

Are you happy they are in the bed? I notice your husband just goes somewhere else. If you want it to stop I think you'd have to be firm about it. Gates on doors so they can't wander, or putting children back, ignoring pleas. Otherwise, yes, get a much larger bed.

Ohyesiam · 11/02/2017 11:15

We ditched the bed, put two mattresses on the floor next to each other, with lots of quilts, and all fitted in.

Eastie77 · 11/02/2017 11:36

My DC (3 & 1) sleep in my bed and DP is on the sofa in the front room or the spare room. I'm too tired to do anything about it. We all get a decent nights sleep and it won't be forever so I'm just embracing it. These early years pass in the blink of an eye. I don't think it has anything to do with you not being stricter when they were younger by the way. Wanting to sleep in their parents bed is hard-wired in most small children.

babyblabber · 11/02/2017 12:32

You either have to embrace it as others have said and get a bigger bed (or maybe some kids blow up beds or something on the floor?) or be really strict and tackle it.

The older two will be easier so I'd do them first. Do they share a room? If put a gate on the door and get a reward chart or some other incentive for them to stay in their beds. Sit them down and tell them the new rule. Promise that you will come in to check on them every single time they call for you (and follow through). And then set aside a week or two when you haven't much on and spend your nights bringing them back EVERY single time they come into you. It will be hard but worth it.

When they are done focus on the baby. It'll be lots of tears but again stay with him/her til he/she is asleep for reassurance and go back in if they need you. Exhausting but you can do it if you're determined.

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