Hitting - does she have a psychological problem?

[Countingthegreyhairs]

My dd (3.5 yrs) is very well behaved at school and has a generally sunny personality but she does have a bit of a temper when she gets home and is tired. At those times, she does try and hit me and my husband (and sometimes succeeds) although we do make it clear that this is unacceptable behaviour. The mother of a friend of mine says that if a child of 4 and over hits others then they have a psychological problem? Is this true? I know my dd is not yet 4 but she is mature for her age. Wasn't worried before, but I am now! Should I be???

My ds tries to hit us when he gets tired / frustrated / whatever. He is 4 in April.

If you feel your dd's behaviour is fine otherwise then forget this ignorant remark.

oh gosh, 3 and 4yo are still so little^. Of course they're not always going to be able to handle their emotions. What silly labelling by your friend's mother.

i'm sure the 4 year old thing isn't written in stone, i would try telling her what she can do rather than what she can't ie. 'we don't use our hands when we are angry we use words' or turn it around to humour her and see if you can all have a grumpiest face competition, ask her to show her anger in a drawing or give her a bowl of water with some cups to play with to help her calm herself down. if she goes to hit you, maybe say she can hit a ball or focus on bat and ball games. i would make it very clear that it isn't to be tolerated and look at what the warning signals are, is it when she is on your lap when it happens? if so try and turn it around to say how much you would like a cuddle instead. or is it a response to getting ready for bed? has it happened since she has been at nursery? if so has she been copying what she has seen there?

I honestly wouldn't get her up about it

she is not hitting other children, I presume?

She is not actually going to hurt you or damage you I don't think

she is 3

tell her not to do it and then wait for her to grow out of it

Thanks for reassuring messages everyone. Much relieved that we're not the only ones.

Like that phrasing Shrub - will def. use it next time - and provide her with something other than me or dh to vent her anger on!

No F&Z she doesn't hit other children - she reserves her right hook for her long-suffering parents ...!!