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Original poster

Will not give up his nappies at 3.7. Am I still going to be wiping his bum at 18?! Help.

87 replies

lockie1983 · 02/02/2017 20:03

DS is bright, articulate and fully capable of understanding using the potty, toilets, where his wee and poo comes from and when it is coming.

He WILL NOT use a potty or toilet. Screams the place down if I suggest it. He doesn't care about reward charts it stickers. We've read books and he's picked pants (which he won't wear).

I've tried not mentioning it for a few weeks at a time and still nothing.

I was fairly chilled about it but now everyone is commenting on how old he's getting to be in pull-ups. He's the only one in preschool not using the potty or toilet in some form.

I figured that after Christmas he'd probably just start wanting to go but as the weeks go on nothing changes.

He doesn't like the potty but can't articulate why.

If anyone says "oh but big boys wear pants/go on the potty" etc he just smiles and says "that's not right. I'm a big boy and I don't use the potty"

Anyone have a (very) late potty trainer? Please tell me it's more common that everyone makes out!

OP posts:
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GeorgeTheHamster · 04/02/2017 17:45

Oh God, just bribe him, it won't be for long.

Also - ALL toddlers are stubborn, it's not just yours.

DoraChance · 04/02/2017 17:46

My DS was very late to potty train, definitely doesn't have any sensory issues, just didn't want to! Hang in there because once he decided to have a go he got it very quickly, within a day or two. I used the 'well done box' method which I found on another PT thread. Filled a box with cheap treats: stickers, little figures, cool pens etc and he could rummage around and choose something each time he used the potty. It was enough to get him interested and then it just went from there.

Goingtobeawesome · 04/02/2017 17:46

Also by day two or three he was using the toilet. I'd heard of toilet fear and wasn't having that so moved on quickly as to be no issue transitioning from potty to toilet.

uniquehornsonly · 04/02/2017 18:06

Yikes, likeacrow. Do you even like children?

So it's not your job to help toilet-train a 3yo starting nursery? You're not going to help the child work towards the EYFS goals on personal care?

Obviously no-one expects nursery workers to single-handedly potty-train a child. But to work towards that end in cooperation with the parents: yes it bloody well is your job.

As for thinking your masters-level qualifications make you too good to change nappies or pull-ups when a child has an accident? Biscuit

HSMMaCM · 04/02/2017 18:27

Bribes incentives are fine for toilet training. Use the toilet rather than the potty if you can, or you have another issue when you're getting rid of the potty. Give the sweets, stickers or whatever when something has been done on the toilet, once he's got over the debate about sitting on it.

And as pps have said. Totally lay off the pressure and just do it as a matter of course.

If all else fails, they don't do daytime nappies for 4 year olds I do t think Grin.

It does sound like he's ready, but not willing. You have to make him think he wants to do this.

user1486124959 · 04/02/2017 20:36

I am having this problem at first he cried (fake) and let me change but he had a tummy bug and he does it on purpose I tried the naked thing about a month ago and he wanted to sleep naked yesterday and today I put his pants on and his nappy over it he screamed I didn't change him even though he felt uncomfortable but he never said and he will not go on the toilet as he was with his dad he had a tantrum about the toilet seat he sat on it he said wee wee and we thought he did one and got him off put trousers on and he weed he is wearing his pants atm having a meltdown he ran out of nappies any suggestions also he's 2 and is ready as was trained before he had tummy bug

mjas · 04/02/2017 20:38

likeacrow, I hope my children never meet you. Whatever your masters were about, you probably missed a part about child development.
OP, I feel for you. My son is 4 and still in pull ups. At 3, nursery was really forcing us with potty training. He was without nappy at daytime for 5 months. Had a good bladder control, but did not get it with pooing. We were very relaxed, he happily went to the potty at home, but hated it in nursery. Ended up in A&E with severe chronic constipation due to poo withholding. Been on laxatives for more than half year, back in nappies. Now we started encouraging going to the loo again, with sticker charts where he earns reward at the end.
He has no developmental issues (actually, had a very detailed assessments due to problems after birth), is very bright, but quite sensitive boy.
Obviously, we are not a good example, just wanted to warn about poo withholding. It took us a long time to notice.
Good luck!

Helenluvsrob · 04/02/2017 20:38

Oh dear the nappies have run out ?

user1486124959 · 04/02/2017 20:41

Yes mine have

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/02/2017 20:46

If all else fails, they don't do daytime nappies for 4 year olds I do t think.. That could be one very good way of dealing with the lovely little resister.

Original poster
lockie1983 · 04/02/2017 20:57

likeacrow don't think there is anyone here suggesting it is the nursery or school's job to potty train our kids?! If anything nursery don't want to change his nappy any more, it's too much hassle for them. At the end of the day it has to be a joint thing as mentioned above working towards EYFS - a lot of children spend as much time at nursery as home so there has to be joined up thinking and mutual support.

Oh mjas I really feel for you and your boy. I hope you're getting there slowly now. My neice is a poo withholder and gets herself in a right state over bowel movements.

dora love the well done box idea - that is happening over here, he will love that !!

OP posts:
likeacrow · 05/02/2017 08:41

Yowzer. Okay, I've worked with plenty of parents coming up with toileting plans, reward charts and so on to help them toilet train their child and have changed many a shitty pair nappy and pair of pants, of course I don't think I'm too good for it. Nor do I think it's the best use of a qualified teacher's time however, if we're talking about a child not toilet trained (clearly wasn't referring to the odd accident). I do think we should play a supporting only in toilet training children and it's totally standard to insist they're out of nappies by the time they start school (excepting development delays etc).
People appeared to be insinuating that this child's nursery key worker should be coming up with solutions and suggestions which I thought was shifting the focus unfairly and I have first hand experience of parents leaving it all down to the school, which isn't on.
mjas if your children met me they'd probably love me Grin

Thirtyrock39 · 05/02/2017 08:46

Things you need to do if not doing already:
All changes in the bathroom- he's old enough to realise toilet training will mean more effort on his part so make sure he has to do something now- if you're changing him where he is it keeps all responsibility with you- also helps associate bathroom with toilet ing.
You could put pants inside a nappy as it means he has comfort and security of a nappy but will have the sensation of being wet and or try sitting on the loo with nappy on to get used to it (some kids are scared of the toilet)
Try on the loo no more than every two hours to build up bladder capacity

TheBeanpole · 05/02/2017 09:09

This sounds like my daughter! She is totally un bribable too, and is very very stubborn. She is, as my DM puts it 'sensorily sensitive' but no SN. She's 3.4. We tried cold turkey a few times and it hasn't worked at all.

What HAS started to work (we are about 70%) there, is working with nursery thusly:

  • Started to put her in pants after the afternoon nap- the peer pressure of using the toilet has worked a bit. She did go back in a nappy for the hour journey home, but then started to refuse it, so we know she can hold it.
-She can now do a day dry although the poo is still a problem.

However she still has to be persuaded to sit on it with cbeebies so not ideal. She definitely has bladder control now.

We need to make the jump now! I think the good thing about nursery is it sort of removes the emotion from it (much like eating). The HV pointed out that it was a battle we wouldn't win, so the trick is to make her think it is her idea.

But star charts, buttons, rewards- totally impervious.

Dementedswan · 05/02/2017 09:17

Try taking him to a big toy store for a look around. If there's a particular toy he wants take a photo of it. Use the photo to make a chart... for example 10 wees and 10 poos on the toilet and he gets the toy as a reward.

That's what worked for me.

Enidblyton1 · 05/02/2017 09:23

I would try running out of nappies. Maybe a few days before the pack is due to run out let him know that they have nearly gone and there are no more. Obviously you don't want him to be distressed, but what do you think he would do if there were just no nappies in the house?

ExplodingCarrots · 05/02/2017 09:38

I've been where you are OP. My DD couldnt be bribed, knew what she had to do but just refused. We were getting in a bit of a desperate situation because she was starting part time school in January and they said they wanted children to be trained and we were in October. We didn't want to defer her until after Easter.

Does you DS have a good relationship with anyone besides your self? He maybe defying you because it's you. Like your DS my DD will eat things in nursery but not at home for me. DD was having a sleepover at my mums one night and my mum said bring her potty and I'll see if she'll listen to me. In the past my mum has managed to get her to do things that we couldn't like taking medicines.
Within 5 minutes of us leaving the house my DD had done a wee on the potty for her nan Shock Afters months and months of stressing and trying. She was dry by the next day and been dry since.
Her nursery were really helpful with it all and they really helped.

KERALA1 · 05/02/2017 09:49

Mine were in reusables both done by 2.5 inc nights as child and parent both keen to move on asap from those. In a way disposables are too good as not the push factor for the child to move on from them. Could you take a few days off work and blitz it?

Eminado · 05/02/2017 12:00

Still stunned by likeacrow's post Sad

OP - you sound like a great mum. Hope some/all the

Eminado · 05/02/2017 12:01

*advice works for you and your son. Flowers

likeacrow · 05/02/2017 13:00

Eminado glad you find me stunning Smile I've not said anything that out there when you actually read the words I used.

Ponderingprivately · 05/02/2017 13:05

Hi op, sorry to hear you are having trouble with this. My DSis also had trouble with her DS, and he was still in nappies at 4, going to school 2 months later. In the end she just said, 'They don't make nappies for children age 4, I don't have any. From now on you will have to wear pants'. When he wet or pooed in his pants (less often than she anticipated) had had to clear himself up, with her assistance. He was sorted within a week. I sympathise, he will get it with something suggested on this thread!

likeacrow · 05/02/2017 13:19

lovinglola interesting articles. So although my pov is apparently so very shocking and upsetting and must mean I know nothing about children development and probably am a terrible teacher and indeed human being Hmm it seems I'm not the only person in the world to express these views...
Dr Bousted said: ''Having to deal with increased numbers of pupils who have not yet been toilet trained puts extra pressure on education staff when they already have enough pressure on them.
Who knew!

SockswithSandals · 05/02/2017 13:23

I'm amazed that some posters have 4 year olds still in nappies! Most 4 year olds are at school and can count and read a few words and write a few words yet are still pooing and weeing in a nappy and having to have their nappy changed like a baby! I really don't get all this 'my 4 year old isn't ready for pants' A 4 year old has to be TOLD what they are ready for and made to do it. Not kept as a baby