Is this the right thing to do in your opinion?

[juicychops]

my ds had a massive tantrum today so i warned him twice then put him in his push chair. He continued the tantrum and i refused to pay him attention other than saying things like 'mummy wont listen until you stoy screaming and talk nicely'. I dont want him to think he will get attention from me when he bahaves like this

He continued like this for about 20 mins and i just stood still behind the push chair as i was getting stressed. A woman came over and said 'they all do that its not very nice is it'. I thought thats nice, having a bit of sympathy for a change rather than dirty 'bad mother'looks.

But then she said "you should get him out and just give him a cuddle thats all he wants. They do this for attention"

I said i will, but when he's stopped all this. She gave me a 'bad mother' look then walked off.

Am i doing the wrong thing then?

No, don't think so. Although I suppose some people would argue if you use the pushchair as a punishment, he might take a dislike to it.

I'd agree with you.

A cuddle and a talking to once he's calmed down.

Definately the right thing. Ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good. Has alway worked with my lot and still does now of sorts. Well done and keep it up.

I agree with you juicychops. If you give him a cuddle while he's having a tantrum then he'll keep doing it. I've watched a lot of Supernanny and she always gets parents to take this approach because it teaches kids that to get attention they have to be good.

you are right - cuddle after tantrum is over

I would cuddle during to calm him down and not make it a battle of wills or power struggle personally.

my dd is 3yrs 4mth ..and like most of you i cuddle after she has calmed down . Let them sulk/cry until theyve calmed down that way they will realise their tantrums dont work to get what they want !Take no notice of wot they say to you in public!

Don't see you have another option when you're out tbh. It's also what I do except I don't talk to ds1. Have tried holding ds1 in my arms 'til he's calmed down, but I'm not strong enough (he's 3 1/4).

I'm with Jodie, I cuddle and reassure during the tantrum, and gently try to distract him, eg at thhe supermarket I showed him the veg weighing scales. It took 20 mins but he did eventually calm down and want to play with them.

I see a tantrum as the child having lost control and not being able to help it - they are hysterical, just as adults sometimes get hysterical when they have panic attacks etc. I don't like withdrawing affection for that reason. However my DS is still under 2, he's a Precious FirstBorn and I'm willing to accept I might be an old softie. But - I think Supernanny is a meanie.

Offering a cuddle during a tantrum will not calm him down anyway.

I knew this in theory, but found it hard to believe. When my dd started having tantrums I found out the hard way. If I made the slightest move towards her, or even audibly breathed, during a tantrum she'd start all over again.

Once I schooled myself to pay no attention at all (so long as she was in a safe place) the tantrums soon vanished away. Sometimes it meant she tantrummed herself to sleep.

As for 'that's all he wants' - I don't believe for a second that a tantrumming child knows what he/she wants. (They may have known what they wanted before they started).

Would be impossible to cuddle DS during a melt down, but definately a big cuddle when calm.

Would agree about gentle distraction techniques as I think once they get them into this state they need your help to get out of it.

Can't imagine how you managed to get him in a buggy when having a tantrum