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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Appropriate amount of independence for a 7 year old

10 replies

coffeepot · 20/02/2007 12:34

I know there are a couple of related threads at the moment but this has been bothering me over 1/2 term...
My dd is just 7 ? year 2 ? and craving more independence. She wants to walk to school by herself ? walk to her friend?s houses etc., even pop down to the local shop. She is taking things into her own hands and trying to set off by herself. The roads are quiet round us and I know I was sent out every Sunday to buy the paper when I was her age but?.
How much independence do / did you allow your 7yos?

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titchy · 20/02/2007 12:59

TBH I'd wait at least another year if not two. Maybe once shes in year 4. I only allow dd 8 to go to the loo on her own in a familar restaurant now - certainly not to school on her own. She is allowed to go off with her friends in the leisure centre we go to regularly but she if familiar with that andknows where I am at all times - and she has to tell me if she is anywhere other than the cafe or corridor next to cafe (good for heely-ing apparently...)

MrsBoo · 20/02/2007 13:04

I don't let my DS out of my sight where possible - definately not to walk to shops, or visit public loos etc. Or play outside our house. Fortunatley he is happy about all that.

Original poster

coffeepot · 20/02/2007 13:12

Thanks, that's what I thought. She is really developing so much independence that it is getting to be a struggle, and difficult to think of a really good reason why she shouldn't. I'ld like to find a way I could give her the independence she craves within well defined (and safe) boundaries. Pseudo-independence really. Any ideas?

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Original poster

coffeepot · 20/02/2007 13:13

Maybe I should add that to get to school all she has to do is walk down a short footpath at the end of our cul-de-sac (still not sure I would trust her to get there though!)

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magnolia1 · 20/02/2007 13:14

I have 7 year old twins and they are allowed outside the front but only as far as the house either side of ours so I can see them from our lounge window. If thay are with other friends they are allowed a few houses further but its a quiet road. The shop is up the road but I won't let them go there for at least another year probably 2. Because they are twins and together alot I think I have been a bit more relaxed than I was with my eldest.

Notquitesotiredmum · 20/02/2007 13:14

My ds1 has asked. He's 7 and we live near quietish roads too.

Instinctively I feel he's not ready. He's fine crossing the road most of the time, but occasionally, when spotting someone exciting on the other side, or when chatting to a friend fails completely to look. I walked to school at that age too, but the roads are busier now than they were then.

Fortunately our friends up the road have the same feelings as me. Their rule is that they have to be 10 to walk to school on their own. It's sooo much easier (though not impossible) to enforce it if you have friends with similar expectations, and so much harder when they have different ones.

I try to give him independence where I can - but I know I have to stick to this one.

ScottishThistle · 20/02/2007 13:18

Depends entirely on the child & where you live I think.

Are your Daughters peers walking to school alone etc?

Perhaps you could give her more independence at home where possible?

scotlou · 20/02/2007 13:18

We live in a small village - there is a new housing estate with a small playpark at the end of our road (about 100 m max) - but out of sight of our house. All ds's school friends live in the "new houses". In past 6 months only he has been allowed to go to teh play park on his own (with a walky talky so we can keep in touch). He is also allowed to go to someopne's house on his own - providied we have phoned first to check it is OK.
Although the school is directly opposite the school, we still take him and collect him!
He is allowed to go to the toilets in restaurants / shopping centres by himself.
I would be inclined to let your dd have some independence (eg goings to a friend's house if it is close) - I find teh walky talky great for this.

Original poster

coffeepot · 20/02/2007 13:50

Thanks again - maybe I'll try letting her
walk to nearby friends houses for prearranged play dates (after warning the friends mother that she's coming by herself). Some of her friends do walk to school but they live even closer than us - literally just across the playground - so it's not quite the same.

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Kbear · 20/02/2007 14:06

My DD is 8. She goes nowhere really without me. We live in the outskirts of London and on a busy road.

I let her go in the shop by herself if I'm outside, I let her run next door with misdirected post. Our walk to school has treacherous roads to cross so she'll never walk on her own I don't suppose. However, I do let her run wild when we're camping but still on the campsite obv and it's in the wilds of Scotland and IMO very safe and familiar.

I think let them go little by little, at a pace you are happy with. The amount of freedom will evolve I think.

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