4 yo controlling play with friends

[PickledLily]

Any advice on this? DD is very controlling over how she plays, which was highlighted for me when she had a friend over yesterday. She's very clear on what she wants to happen, who should say what (always role play) and gets very upset if she can't have her way. She's a strong character generally but has also been very clingy since starting school to the point where I can't even leave a room without her getting upset or following me. She won't play on her own, except watch specific programmes on TV.

Any suggestions for how to help her feel less anxious and be bit more accommodating to her friends?

Dd has a friend a bit like this. Her mum tries to invite people round a lot, to reduce the anxiety and if need be supervise and steer the play a bit to show her how to play. And practice taking turns with board games, rounders.

But largely it's her personality. Peer pressure is becoming more apparent now they're older (11). She's regularly stomping off because she can't always choose the game/have the best part and yes they can all see you cheating to achieve what you want. She's just a very determined, headstrong person and not really a team player. She does struggle with friendships though I think because of it.

There are some books out there about friendship it might be worth reading with her. What makes a good friend, how does a good friend behave etc. My dd has the opposite problem (shy/lacks assertiveness) and we have some of these books. For some it seems to come naturally, how to make friends, how to maintain that relationship. For others it's a complete mystery and some pointers can help.

Yes, I do need to increase the number of playdates. She is popular at the moment, but I do worry that her friends will tire of always having to take a back seat. I struggle to know what to suggest to her when I'm put on the spot.

I'd like to get to the bottom of the anxiety too as I'm not sure what might be causing it.