18 month old not walking, limited words

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I've become worried about my 18 month old daughters development. Although she cruises and will stand, she's not walking yet. Will scream sometimes if I hold her hands to encourage her to take steps.

She was quite late crawling, though not late to sit up. Her legs seem very...bendy? Just not as rigid looking as other children's her age. She's small for her age, only just now properly fitting into 12-18 month old clothes and very slight.

It can be hard to engage her in tasks, she'll just crawl off or slap me away. She can communicate wants pretty well but she just seems so behind other children her age and I'm worried.

Hey,
Has she seen a doctor, health visitor, medical professional recently?

If you are worried you should go and see someone.
I always think 2 years is an age at which you should investigate if there is no speech but you say she communicates quite well.
Does she communicate for fun - pointing at a duck to show you for example - or does she only communicate for you to meet her needs.

It's hard not to worry but it could be nothing. Once you have that 'worried' siren go off in your head it's best to see someone. I ended up totally analysing everything my DS2 and my DD did. It makes everything hard.

She hasn't but I've got an appointment booked with the doctor for the 30th.

She doesn't really point to things.

I feel like I've done a really bad job parenting her and am terrified there's something wrong with her.

Hi OP,

My thread about my DS is very similar to yours so maybe have a read there?

I think you need to make a quick appointment with your HV/GP to refer you to a Paed. We've already been seen by the Paed and been referred to Early Intervention. My son is 20 months now but the process started after his 18 month review.

Try not to panic but it's good to get things rolling just in case.

Go and talk to the Doctor but don't, for goodness sake, start blaming yourself for anything.

I have three children and I was exactly the same with all of them but two are bright, sociable kids and DS2 has ASD. It's so tempting to blame yourself when communication is not smooth because its harder

Your DD could have glue ear or just be developing at her own pace with nothing to worry about.
If there is an issue then it may well be something that she can get help with which in turn becomes a non issue.
Your fears are about the unknown and because you are scared you are blaming yourself and panicking

Try to wait and see. Whatever is going on nothing is helped by your guilt and panic. You will be fine even though it seems daunting just now. It may well be nothing. Children are singular creatures.

I agree with Pagwatch, I initially blamed myself too because i'm a FTM and I thought maybe it was my fault and I hadn't been talking to him enough. But it's just how they are, every child is different. They could just be late bloomers.

Please have her evaluated by your GP/Paeds. Early intervention when things aren't as they should be can make such a difference.

Good luck, OP. Try not to worry in the meantime. It will be what it will be. There is nothing you can do to change the outcome, whether it's nothing or whether it's something at this stage. Nothing. So just love your little one and get her in for assessment.

I remember reading an article when I was pregnant which stated that older fathers were more likely to produce children with ASD. Whilst I am 28, her father is in his mid 40's and it has been a worry on some level since before she was even born.

I know what will be will be and there's nothing that can be changed if she does have some sort of SN. I just feel panicked by it, shamefully so I suppose.

There are articles saying that. My DH was about 28 when we had DS2 so it may be more prevalent in certain groups it's nothing to do with individual children .

It's not shameful. We all wish for our children to not have difficulties.

The not walking, she seems very physically nervous, frightened of hurting herself. I think she could walk but is opting not to.

I understand Alisvolatpopiis

Can I suggest you stop trying to encourage her? If she is a little anxious it's likely to be counter productive. Little ones pick up on our tension really quickly.

Just in case that 'can I suggest' sounds snotty - it wasn't

I just mean 'maybe you could try leaving it for a bit'

I understood how you meant it, don't worry!

The thing is, I was content enough to let her go at her own pace, with low level concerns which I'd likely be looking to address at this point anyway.

But my marriage collapsed and I've ended up moving back in with my parents. My mother can't stop talking how backwards my daughter is in comparison to every child she has literally ever met. Makes comments like "well at least she's pretty because she's obviously not going to set the world on fire with her intellect" and so on. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's done my head in a bit.

That's awful Alis! That obviously won't be helping your stress levels at all! I tend to get myself quite panicked easily but my DH and my mom talk me through it and are always there to reassure me. I would be so upset if my own mom was being so negative. Maybe she doesn't realize its hurting you and have a chat and let her know she's not being supportive?

And I'm so sorry about your marriage, but I'm sure you will be just fine. Hang in there.

Oh OP, no wonder your concerned with that going on!
DD was small (still is) didn't point till she about 2. Behind in speech, talking, walking everything in comparison to the others.
She did have digestive problems that impacted her growth but, she's 3.5 now (just thrown out the last of her 1-2 yr clothing!) and absolutely fine in every way (except now she has verbal diarrhoea!) So I do think (from my tiny sample) that they can seem behind when they are slow to grow but do catch up. I would certainly see a GP though, DD did have to see a paed for a while it was comforting to know any issues would be picked up.
Re DM's my mum has been in a right old tizzy since DS was born that he will be 'dainty' too and that's fine for a girl but not a boy. And my Dsis kerps saying he'said skinny (he isn't!) It did worry me, i've had to be quite head strong not to end up adding a pack of butter to every meal in blind panic!
Funnily enough he can walk too but doesn't like to without holding on to something. He'll get there though. Personally I think it's quite sensible, who wants a bruised butt if you can avoid it?

She does know, we have had a row about in fairly recently and she's really curbed what she's saying. But she can't unsay it either.

Thank you re the marriage. It is sad but for the best, it wasn't a very healthy relationship in the end and ultimately our daughter is better off with separated, happy parents. It's all very amicable at present. So that is a positive.

My dd didn't walk until around 20 months, never crawled as she didn't need to move. She was first born. However no problems with her at all.
I guess she never felt she needed to walk. My next child was walking, climbing etc by 10 months.
There is huge variation between little children re walking etc.
I don't think you need to worry yet.