Following on from freezing lamb stew thread, at what age do you

[Othersideofthechannel]

stop letting your DCs pick and choose at the table?
When they are 1, we are told to let them choose what they want to eat from a range of healthy foods, choose the colour of the plate and later on, the shape their sandwiches are cut into..... so that they have some control over their life.
From the lamb stew thread, the general consensus seems to be that at some point, they eat what they are given, in the form it is presented, or not at all. The parents regain control.
So in your opinions, what is the ideal age for the switchover?

Gradually, ds (nearly 4) gets to pick his breakfast and sometimes his lunch - other times he gets what he is given and he never gets to choose at tea time.

I still ask them what they would like for their tea I offer a choice. Normally do 2 or 3 different meals. If they don't like the cooked meal then they go for the sandwiches and fruit route. 9 children ages 3y - 19y plus me and dh to cater for. It's a bit like a cafe at our house especially as the older ones come in at various times.

"The parents regain control."
I really don't get this burning need to make the meal table such a battle ground. what do YOU want to do OSOTC? what are you comfortable with?

Harpsichord, I'm comfortable with the way things are in my house which is the most important thing. Sometimes I ask DS (eldest and nearly 4)what he wants me to prepare from a couple of options I am considering. Mostly there is just one meal which I planned in advance but they don't have to eat the bits they don't like. I don't prepare them a sandwich instead because of the hassle of preparing another meal. Then again, in the French tradition, there is always bread and usually a cheese board at every meal which amounts to the same thing I guess. Dessert other than fruit or yoghurt is not on offer if they haven't eaten a reasonable amount of the main course.

I'm just curious because reading the freezing lamb stew thread there seemed to be as much about who was in control as much as food likes and dislikes. That's all.

Off to SIL's for the weekend so no more posting for me.

Grrr grrr

It wasn't about control at all. It was about expecting a 4 year old to piss or get off the pot. The only thing he isn't 'allowed' to do is sit at the table and whine.

colditz.

dd is 2 and i serve her whatever meal i've decided to cook for us all, if she doesn't want tit she still gets her fruit and yogurt afterwards and she's generally filled up on lots of healthy food throughout the day so i'm not too worried.

i'm damned if i'm cooking more than one meal a night though!

hving 3 i try to stop asking, beans or tinned spaghetti, for eg. as invariaby i have to open 2 tins,
the plate business they just gradually stopped, after all wanting the same and having to take turns...
i spose if you take control and see if they notice!

Ok, a sensible measured responce, insteaD OF A POORLY ONE

I let my ds's choose whatever they want to eat from the range I have provided.

I don't ever intend to make a switchover, ds1 still gets to choose which parts of his meal to eat, or indeed whether to eat it at all.

What else should you do? Given full choice, ds would live off scrambled chocolate on toast(sic). Given even several choices one after the other, he would take a bite out of one thing "Don't like it" "Want the toilet" "I want a biscuit" "I need a drink"

And on to the next food item, to do exactly the same thing with that too.

Sometimes, I feel, a child is just spoiling for a rumble.

meant to say

I won't provide meal after meal after meal because we are on a budget. I can't afford for him to take something to leave it. He needs to abide by that one.

ds 2.7 has always chosen breakfast, is given 2/3 options at lunch and chooses from that but is feed what the rest of the family have at dinner time. Has always been like that since he started vocalising what he wanted around 18months.

But isn't offering options a measure of control too?

my kids were never given a range of foods to choose from, what planet does that advise come from ???

they have more choice now as they are 5 & 7, they choose breakfast from whatever is in the house. Lunch during term time is packed lunch, they get the choice when we are doing the shopping as to the filling for the sandwiches for the week. Otherwise hey get no choice. Evening meal depends, during the week if I am around (or dh) they get a choice prior to shopping list being done. eg this week we will have fish finger & chips one day, sausage and mash another day, pasta a 3rd day and cauliflower cheese the 4th. Once agreed those things go on the shopping list. At weekends it is more lax/chaotic, so they are given pretty free rein to choose meals.

b/fast choice of cereals 4 to choose from, after that has gone, fruit, choice.
Lunch sandwiches, pittas choice, fillings, choose. drinks choice water or squash.
Dinner eat what I cook, if your not at the table at 5 o'clock stick it in M/wave (DP)
I can spend up to 2/3 hours preparing and cooking dinners. I will not cook anything else. So if you don't like it or don't want it.... but they will still have milk before bed and on a friday/sat i will cook different meals for DP and I and the children will have what I call m/wave food, which is something I prepared earlier in the week.

No options are offered in my house apart from different cereals at breakfast.

Last week I did make the mistake of offering different lunches and ended up making 3 different things for 4 different children. I won't be doing that again!

DS (nearly 3) gets what's put in front of him for tea! There's no way i'm farting round cooking more than one evening meal, esp on the days when i've been at work!

On the days i don't work and at weekends he gets to choose his dinner (or lunch as some people prefer to call it!) but it tends to be a choice of A or B.

He gets to choose his breakfast (various cereals or toast) every morning.

I have 4 between 3 and 13. At the beginning of the week I might ask in a general way whether there's anything anyone particularly wants during the upcoming week eg one might vote for spag bol, one for grilled plaice, one for chicken stirfry etc.
I prepare one meal each evening (+ lunch daily for ds3 and myself) with a side salad or exra veg. They eat what they want from that, then have fruit, yog or a hot pudding. They all get the same pudding; they can have fruit &/or the hot option if I've prepared one.

I won't do extra meals if someone doesn't like what I've made; though obviously I won't go out of my way to make what I know they';ll consider horrible.

yahhhhh well said wanderingstar

Colditz, I didn't meant to offend you or criticise you in any way. I totally agree with you not accepting your DS whining in front of a plate of food when he is free to get down. My choice of words 'the parents regain control' probably wasn't the best, but many of the posts on the thread you started referred to control and battles. I think that for simplicity for whoever is doing the cooking and so as not to waste food, that ideally for older children there should just be one meal on offer.
Crunchie, I read the 'choose from a range of foods' thing comes from the 'What to expect books' and I have read it in magazines too. But this was referring to children under 3. I haven't actually followed this advice to the letter but assumed that many parents adopt this approach. So I was wondering how people get from letting them have a sandwich instead situation (which my DS would choose every time if it was an option) to one where they eat a wider range of food. Perhaps I shouldn't have linked this question to Colditz's thread but many of the posts seemed to be about this as much as the issue of whining.
Maybe this 'offering options' advice is not as widespread as I had thought. To be honest, I haven't had as much advice as I would have liked in bringing up my DCs. (The health visitors in France only visit once unless there is an obvious problem, my mother died before I got pregnant and MIL doesn't do advice (must be the only person in the world who wants MORE advice from MIL!)).
That's why Mumsnet is so great because there are all sorts of differing viewpoints and experiences, and also when you get the opportunity to offer your experience people who are going through tough patch that you have managed to get through yourself.

Othersideofthechannel, i also remember reading and being given the advise to let a toddler have some choices, i think, could be wrong, it was to encourage speech, (more talk) and get them use to a variety of foods. My DS2 now just 3, is fitting in with the rest of the family although i do find myself having to help sometimes just to get through the meal. I also know how you feel about being without support, i had my2 DS in Spain, it was really difficult to find a good support network. I eventually set up a toddlers group and found a whole heap of us in the same situ. Loving MN though.

That's a very encouraging post, thanks Curly N.

Otherside, I found that my DS (2.5) has had a lot less choice than DD did. As he was expected to fit in with family meals once he was capable of sitting at the table ( though he is allowed to leave the table when he is finished. He has to ask "down please" though).

Both DC choose breakfast (cereal, toast, bagel). DD (5.11)chooses what goes in packed lunch and DS gets a couple of options for lunch. But dinner we have a family meal when DH gets home from work. They don't have to eat what they don't like, but need to try a bit of everything. I will make additional veg if the main veg is a bit challenging (e.g. kale or broc.) We often have bread at the table too.

I do admit that I do cook things that they like the components and often the DC's meals are presented differently. They often get the components on the plate rather than together if you understand what I mean. So e.g. Tonight is Chinese Salmon with rice. the DS will get the salmon before the sauce goes on as I know he doesn't care for it. But also gets a piece with sauce to get him to taste (20 tastes and all that).