So, why do you wait until 6months+ before attempting cc/cio?

[cruisemum1]

I have absolutely no intention of doing this (just yet anyway) but my dh is always banging on about it and I want/need to be able to give him a real reason other than my protestestations that it is damaging at too young an age as they do not understand anything other than they are being abandoned etc.

percypig - that sounds very humane! and you sound like fantastic parents/family. What you did at 6/7weeks is kind of what I wish I had done at the time as sleep is so very important to lo's development etc. My ds now at 23 weeks doesn't fuss at bedtimes - if he is left (I have to attend to dd at bedtime too so occasionally if he wakes once put to bed he will have to yell for a min or two ), he actually gets beside himself. There is a difference b etween just fussing and screaming and it sound like your baby was just doing the normal fussing thing. Well done you for nipping it in the bud!

kitty - when I tried pu/pd I did come to the conclusion that it is a form of cc which is why I had to abandon it as ds got soooo distressed and so did I. I think he got utterly confused and in his own little way, stressed. Did your lo create much when you did pu/pd?

Percypig I think there is a huge difference between crying and fussing, ds cn fuss at bedtime he lets out a wail rolls over gets comfy, decides he is no comfy moans a bit then rolls over he is not crying but having a moan and a whinge and I do not rush to him, if he starts to cry then I go to him so I think what you did and cio/cc are worlds apart. And being that you did it when he was so small cc wouldn't really work at that stage anyway if babies that age do not want to settle and sleep they will scream the house down until they do pass out from exhaustion.

I actually think that I probably go into ds's room prematurely sometimes because I anticipate full scale crying. It ususally does come if I leave him to 'fuss' so I
pre-empt it to avoid unnecessary stress on both our parts. I have learned that he does not settle alone and that the fussing always gathers momentum until he gets to a point whereby it is gonna be difficult to pacify him. I guess this will pass and his 'panic' that I will not come will eventually cease. Hope this makes sense. I ahve had two red wines this evening!

No makes perfect sense I used to do this with dd more than I do now and in the end realised I was actually disturbing her by going in to her too soon. I do it occassionaly now but generally one whinge I tay put another comes I go up because it does mean he is waking up.

adath - refresh my failing memory.... how old is your dd? My ds is 23 weeks. Bless him!

hm./..can't say it is effecting my parenting...but I do tend to be more of teh attachement variety, although not always completely succesful...not enough patient...I do think though I got that of my mum...the not much patients thing....

patience...not patient, lol

Cruisemum dd is 3 now but i always jumped too early, with ds I am a bit more chilled out and run up the stairs less becuase I have realised he does make sounds in his sleep and if he does it more than once I know he is waking and to settle him before he comes round completely now he settles really well on his own. He is 10 months next week but I have to say his sleeping pattern only started appearing around 5 months because he had bad reflux up unyil about then so at 5 months we started really from a newborn sleeping pattern and sorked up lol.

cruisemum1,no my ds was fine.everytime he cried i picked him up,so he never really cried much.and i was standing next to him when he was in cot lying down.hurt my back but if hed got distressed i couldnt have done it.we went from ncss to that and i felt that he knows im here and im loving him so didnt feel what i had thought of as cc.if you catch my drift!!it was only 1 night of pu pd and about 2-3 of standing there saying ssshhhh its ok etc!my ds was 13 months though ,i dont know how he would have reacted if i tried earlier.

so - we agree that cc is not a happy option. So..... how do I encourage my lo not to bf to sleep without loads of tears and stress on both our parts?

I haven't had time to read all of this, but I would say that there is a huge difference between the "I need mummy right now" scream and the "I'm overtired and can't fall asleep" whinge. I think once your lo gets to 8 or 9 mths and you know they are not hungry or genuinely distressed, then CC can work wonders. It only takes a couple of days and sets up good sleeping patterns that last into toddlerhood. Most of the people I know that are really struggling with their toddlers' sleeping habits are the ones who disagree with CC. Which begs the question, which is crueller? - 2 or 3 days of CC (leaving your lo to cry for no more than 15 mins) OR a terribly sleep deprived toddler and stressed parents.

in response to many people (but triggered by Twinkemegan's mum) who say "ooh he'll learn that if he cries like that you'll come".... errrr yes, isn't that the point of crying? Babies have no other way of saying "mummy I need you!" so the problem is what exactly??

And while I'm on my soapbox I'll voice my opinion that if popping in every 5 mins to check on them makes it "controlled" rather than just "crying it out", well that makes it OK then, doesn't it?? I'm sure that the baby will know the difference.

i'm with you kitbit! sometimes though, when exhaustion and despair hit, cc seems a reasonalbe quick fix solution. Never gonna do it though

so is pick up/put down considered controlled crying? my ds certainly howled when we tried it. Felt like a Baby torturer not a baby whisperer. What works?

yes, pickup/putdown is also cc.

and lots more terms below:
Other Terms for Controlled Crying

Controlled Crying (referred to on this blog as cc) is also called many other things. These other names sometimes mean the same, and are sometimes variations of the original controlled crying method (by Dr Richard Ferber). Many believe any method that involves leaving a baby to cry can be harmful to babies.

Controlled crying (CC)
Controlled comforting
Cry it Out (CIO)
Self-settling
Self-soothing
Lay down approach
Sleep training
Ferberizing
The Ferber Method
Systematic ignoring
Systematic comforting
Progressive desensitisation
Progressive Waiting
Progressive Settling
Deep end approach
Pick up / Put down
Camping out
Sleep separation technique
Comfort Settling
Hands on Settling
Gradual Withdrawal
Crying down
Minimal Reassurance
Timed crying
Freedom to Cry

Straight extinction (also called Extended crying)
Parents ignore their child's crying until it stops

Graduated extinction
Controlled crying, where parents ignore their children's crying for increasing lengths of time

Modified extinction
This is where parental presence is maintained in the room with the child, however they do not interact or talk to the child. Therefore, parents do not leave their child alone in the bedroom.

'Feed-sleep-play' or other terms for routines can also be used to refer to (or involve) cc.

from www.bawlingbabies.blogspot.com

to me cc is the baby/child crying.my ds didnt really cry,no more than when we coslept and he was dropping off.i stood beside cot whole time,picking him up comforting him putting him down and he knew i was there and that he was just going to sleep.so maybe it is classed as cc but for us it was great.but im not one who believes one thing works for all.

nothing has worked here. don't know what to do. can't leave baby to scream (which he does when not bf to sleep) but cannot carry on like this. help

cruisemum - I'm probably not a good person to respond to you, but I'm going to anyway. Why is bfing to sleep such a bad idea? I think huge pressure is put on mothers by this idea that has come from somewhere that babies "ought' to settle by themselves or "ought" to be sleeping through the night. Who says? If your baby settles to sleep happily with a bf, then go for it. He won't be doing it when he's 18!

In my opinion all these sleep techniques work for some babies and some mothers for some of the time. You temd not the hear from the people it hasn't worked for AND you have to remember that parents are the most unreliable witnesses when it comes to their LO's baby years. If we believed our own mothers for example we were all sleeping thorugh the night from 6 weeks and potty trained at a year. Now either babies have changed a lot or there's a bit of selective remembering going on here! The same applies to everybody you meet a toddler group, the baby clinic and in the supermarket! Do what feels right, and what makes live easier for you and your family. If that's bf to sleep, co sleeping, playing musical beds then so be it. It's only for a VERY short time - it feels like centuries but it isn't!

katelyle - its a problem because he wakes repeatedly in the night. i am exhausted. i have another child. i don't enjoy things when i am shattered. he does not need to feed in the night. i am a dummy.

i dont mind bf to sleep if he would stay asleep at least for a few hours

Really sorry - I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic. I went through this with my own dd and I'm probably using the rose tinted spectacles that I've acused other people of using. Forgive me if this has all been said before and feel free to ignore me, but have you tried taking him into bed with you? I did this with my dd because then she could feed herself back to sleep without waking either herself or me up for longer thanwas strictly necessary. Have you tried a dummy? I know some people are really anti dummy - I was myself until ds proved not to be as keen on bfing as dd. If you do take him into your bed,I think it's important that he starts the night off in his own bed, just so that he gets the idea that that is where he sleeps. ANd also that when the miracle happend and does sleep through he's in his own bed when he does it. And at a risk of receiving a cyberpunch on the jaw, remember to rest while you can. You can get a pretty decent hour's sleep on the sofa while pretending to watch Cinderella.

The only word of warning I'd issue with a dummy is that when they lose it in the night, you still have to keep getting up to put it back in.
Our DS1 was the same, just wanted to suck to sleep and we introduced a dummy very late (10 months). He did sleep through after a while though, and at least getting up to plug the dummy back was less tiring than having to stay up with him.
We got rid of it at 3.3years , but with relatively little upset.

we introduced dummy at 1 year!just for bed though and hes not that impressed its more for me as i felt that hed never drop off without feed.most the time he just holds it,that in one hand,sleepy cow in the other!