(Sorry to dive in here with what reads like a rant, have added lots of smileys to try and lessen the impact, actually so many winks it looks like ive got something in my eye...) Errmm, sorry but isn't the whole point of cc that you're NOT letting them cry themselves to sleep, you're going in every two minutes to let them know you're still there for them? If your kid is still crying after you've been back in 3 or 4 times with between 2 and 6 minutes between each visit I think you should forget it and try again after a month. Maybe I've just been lucky or maybe I'm harder than most mums but cc works a dream with my kids and doesn't seem to have caused any psychological damage to dd1, now 3. Quite the opposite, she is a confident, happy child who knows that bedtime is bedtime and 'no messing about'! (She also knows that if she gets up in the middle of the night we won't be cross with her).
Have just started cc with 5 mth old this week. Was tired of being woken 3 times a night (she was only waking once the month before) so decided to ignore her if it was before 3am or after 5am and only bfeed once between those hours. She sleeps in a moises basket inside a cot jammed up against our bed. After 2 nights of the usual 2 or 3 awakenings, a bit of cying and grumbling when I ignored her and falling back to sleep after 20 minutes she now only wakes once between 3am and 5am, has a bfeed and sleeps till 7.30am. Once I'd sorted that I decided we could do without the average of 3 awakenings between bedtime at 7.30pm and my bedtime at about midnight too, so did cc for two evenings. She cried for 2 minutes at a time and fell asleep having already stopped crying, after about 8 minutes in total. After each 2 minutes I'd go in, tuck her in a bit or stroke her face and quietly say 'sleepy time now' (or whatever nonsense you prefer ) and left, no eye contact or feeling bad or getting nervous - they can sense it you know! . She knows she hasn't been abandoned and I'll come if she cries but she learns that I'm not going to get her up again. Frankly, she'll spend longer crying while im trying to hang up the washing or go to the bathroom during the day...
Why is it ok to do cc with a 7mo and not a 6mo? And surely it's far more traumatic for a 3 yo's cries to be 'ignored'. Richard Ferber's book is the only one I've read and I did cc with dd1 at 3 mths, (can't remember what minimum age he recommends but don't think i'd have done it at 3mths if he'd said it wasnt a good idea as the rest of his theory/experience seemed intelligent enough to me at the time). After 3 nights she would lie quite peacefully after max 2 - 6 minutes crying, tailing off into grumbling, with me going in every 2 mins and then fall asleep by herself, she certainly didnt 'cry herself to sleep through sheer exhaustion' - I'm not a monster!
Have just read Frannyandzooeys link and I agree: (quotes from link)"Controlled crying involves leaving the infant
to cry for increasingly longer periods of time before
providing comfort". I'd say to a max of about 15-30 minutes in total broken into smaller segments and going in between times. "AAIMHI is concerned that the widely practiced
technique of controlled crying is not consistent with
what infants need for their optimal emotional and
psychological health, and may have unintended
negative consequences.
Background to AAIMHI?s Concerns;
This statement is premised on an understanding of
crying to mean crying that indicates distress, either
psychological or physical, rather than the ?fussing?
that many babies do in settling or adjusting to
different circumstances." Yes, I would stop if your baby is screaming rather than just crying or fussing. I would certainly never let them get into a 'state'.
"Infants are more likely to develop secure attachments
when their distress is responded to promptly,
consistently and appropriately." 2 minutes seems pretty prompt to me, since you're timing 2, 4 or 6 mins it's consistent and it's appropriate imo not to get them up if you're sure they dont need changed, fed burped or are not tired and have had lots and lots of cuddling.
"Where it is used recommendations should be for
exercising caution and playing safe. For example,
paying attention to level of distress rather than
number of minutes baby has to be left to cry, or not
continuing with any technique if it does not feel
right." Exactly. If you are going in after 2,4 then 6 minutes (or 2,2,4,4,4,6, or whatever) and baby is not asleep within about 20 mins forget it and try again next month. Having said all that I know some kids just cry more than others and as I said before, maybe I'm just lucky.
Just want to add that I think babies and children are creatures of habit and if you dont break a pattern for them they'll just keep to it."Where parental stress due to infant crying may lead
to risk of abuse it is essential that parents be linked
with social supports and therapeutic intervention." Well exactly, if I didnt get 3 hours to myself at the end of the day and a (half)decent night's sleep who knows what heinious acts I could have commited by now. Lord knows I'm not saying being a parent doesn't involve some sacrifice but...excuse me while I go and remove sparkly tiara from blissfully sleeping 3 yo's head and gaze fondly at blissfully sleeping 5 mth old and put my feet up and turn the video on with the hand that isn't holding the chocolate...
Good luck.